“The Real L Word” mini-cap: Episode Five “Free Pass”


Meanwhile, Rose is grinning like a hyena as she plans a little payback. Since Natalie "embarrassed" her in front of her dad, Rose has decided she has a free pass to hire strippers. It will be a secret "bromance" night of hijinks and hepatitis with her minions; a motley handful of younger "protégés" who help Rose act like a kid and feel at large, and in charge. 

Natalie comes home and drops groveling to all-new lows after Rose tells her, "You need to be careful" about her emotions.

Natalie: The way I spoke to you wasn’t right. I get that. Even though I was frustrated and annoyed, I shouldn’t have spoken to you that way… the way I spoke to you wasn’t right, and the fact that your dad heard was embarrassing [for you.]

Rose is unmoved. She’s got stripper on the brain and dollar bills dancing in her big head. On another note: I wonder what it’s like where Natalie lives.

Sometime during her last night in San Francisco, Whitney realizes Sara’s the "Queen of Mixed Messages." Whitney really can’t hear herself, can she? The King and Queen of Playerville decide to see what happens after Sara moves to LA. And possibly, become Tor’s roommate. Amazeballs.

In other news, Tracy meets with everyone’s favorite red carpet photographer, Beck Starr, for the lesbian magazine shoot. Posing with celesbians Nat Garcia, Jill Bennett and Cathy DeBuono, Tracy wonders if her mother will see the photo. Not unless she subscribes to something called Bound magazine.

Someone needs to fire Tracy’s hair stylist. “Cause that is one spectacular up-don’t.

Mikey brings some good news to the proceedings: she’s just landed Bon Jovi band mate Richie Sambora’s clothing line as their newest sponsor. The tent to paid for, her money worries are over.

Mikey’s penis just grew an inch. Ew. I mean, yay.

Elsewhere, Natalie needs an ear to talk about her career fears, but Rose is busy-busy. She has to get cash for the strippers and show her little groupies how to live the good life. She tells Natalie to figure it out and hangs up on her.

When the strippers show up the party kicks into high gear. Rose says she’s keeping it "NC-17" so she doesn’t get in trouble, as if that’s ever a reality.

For every girl who says "no," there are two strippers who will say "yes."

Rose, the class act, tells her friends to keep the bromance event a secret. No tweeting, no Facebook, no MySpace. MySpace? Who the frig is still on MySpace? Well, whatever. Your secret is safe with us viewers, genius.

Rose comes home to find Natalie on the couch. She wants to put her stripper-smeared face next to Natalie’s, but the puppy is between them. Rose picks up the dog and throws it out of the way.

Out of frame, the dog yelps. Hilarious. I know how she feels.

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