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“The Playboy Club” recap: Episode 3

In some terrible news, we just got word that NBC has canceled the show, just when it was starting to get really good. The only thing I’m hopeful for, is that someone else saw how interesting and historically important the story of The Mattachine Society is and will extend it into a program of its own (preferably on a cable station where partial nudity and sex scenes are involved). The remaining three episodes that have been filmed will be released on Hulu in the near future.

We begin in Nick’s penthouse with “I’ve Got You Under My Skin” playing in the background and a whole lotta clothes strewn about the floor. Nick and Carol Lynn are basking in some make-up sex afterglow and Nick says, “We should break up more often.” She says, “Who said we’re back together?” and Nick answers, “Well I think once last night and two times this morning says it all.” Carol Lynn gets up, puts her clothes on and says she has to get ready for the bunny auditions. I think if he paid more attention to multiplication tables in the bedroom instead of arithmetic, he could’ve gotten her to stay.

As the auditions begin, I get the feeling things aren’t going to go too smoothly. First up is Gayle, who seems plain and robotic. Billy looks like she’s giving him gas and Carol Lynn is just as enthusiastic about the new crop of hopefuls.

Out of all of them, she sees potential in a seemingly “sweet, smart, pretty girl” named Doris Hall, who spent the last two years abroad after leaving college. Billy thinks she’s full of herself but before he can finish his thought, Carol Lynn is already calling her over. Billy’s like, “Hey, you can’t do that,” but Carol Lynn (I’m abbreviating her name to CL for the rest of eternity) is like, “Too bad, short stuff, I’m in charge now.” And she hires Doris on the spot to start her training. Doris thanks them both and leaves.

Like a beacon in the night, my eye candy has arrived! Alice and Maureen walk in together, talking about Nick Dalton is a catch. Alice asks Maureen if she’s ever had a serious relationship before and Maureen says she’s been in a serious relationship with one guy, but it was a serious mistake. Tell me about it, girl! Maureen asks Alice if Sean was her first boyfriend, at which Alice scoffs but then retracts quickly by saying, “Well sort of. It’s complicated.”

Janie and Max are fighting about Janie’s marital status, and I’m fighting with Max about his straight status in that tank top.

Drinks are poured, the music cranks up, the sound of rich white men laughing fills the room and another night at the Playboy Club begins.

CL is summoned by Jimmy Wallace, who is campaigning against Nick for both the State’s Attorney position and for a spot in bed next to CL, which he pretty much says so to Nick’s face. As Jimmy leaves, Sean comes up to Nick with a drink in hand to talk politics and image. Sean says he can help get Nick some very wealthy contributors to his campaign fund if he puts him in charge of organizing. His suggestion? Date a certain very rich man’s daughter, just for the press. Sean says he loves CL and all, but Nick needs to be dating someone who the public thinks is the right match for him. Someone like Frances Dunhill, who also happens to be pretty gorgeous (which speaks to Nick’s interests). Sean reminds Nick that when the checks come pouring in, he’ll need to remember who helped get them there. He makes sure to snap a picture of the new made-for-magazines couple, and Nick excuses himself.

Mobster John is a persistent little bugger and finds Maureen to tell her that since Nick and CL are back together now, she should be free to date him. She finally has a pretty good excuse to say no to his advances, though, because CL made the no-dating-keyholders rule. Mr. Bigshot says no one would say no to him. He goes from asking her out to being creepy again and bringing up his missing father. He needs to revamp his flirting methods. Either be creepy or be annoyingly persistent. Women love consistency.

The new bunny is on the floor in blue and CL walks her around awkwardly to introduce her to the others. I’m not sure what Billy was talking about when he said she seemed full of herself, she seems very self-deprecating and sweet to me. Also, she walks as well as I do in heels. Oh man, she’s totally the new lesbian. Calling it now, just so I can do the truffle shuffle in celebration later. Alice tells her she looks really pretty and the rest of the girls get her tail fluffed for show time.

Bunny Doris frantically follows Bunny Maureen through the crowd and excitedly points out various celebrities, mob guys and influential people. She questions Maureen, “I bet some pretty crazy things happen here.” To which Maureen says, “Giiiiiiiiiiiiirl!” But seriously, “You have no idea,” and Doris seems a little too inquisitive and anxious to hear secrets for my taste. This show has apparently made me paranoid.

In the dressing room, Nick finds CL getting ready and tells her about how Alice’s husband has been trying to get hired for his campaign. CL apparently knows of Sean’s great reputation as a campaign manager. It’s a trap, Bunny Momma! Nick goes into how Sean is trying to convince him to change the public’s perception of him. CL agrees and says, “Kennedy ruined it for everyone.” He then proceeds to tell her how he already told Sean he had the right woman by his side, but that Sean thought the voters wouldn’t agree. This breaks CL’s heart, and mine. She asks who the public will understand, and he tells her about Frances Dunhill. CL already knows that Frances is a socialite whose father is very influential. Nick says he won’t do it if it will cause any problems between the two of them. She asks, “Will it?” He says no and smiles his smarmy smile, telling her what a huge scam it is for the cameras but that nothing will change between the two of them. They kiss, he says it’s all for show. She says the show must go on, but her face says she will cut a bitch.

Back on the floor, Inquisitive Bunny Doris asks, “Bunnies aren’t allowed to date key-holders right? Most Bunnies flirt like their lives depended on it.” Wise Bunny Brenda breaks it down and says, “It’s not their lives, it’s their livelihoods.” She goes on to say that the men come there and expect certain things. I need to pump the breaks here and ask what we’re all thinking: CL saw WHAT in this girl? She keeps digging deeper for more from Brenda, asking if the girls serve up more than drinks with a garnish. (Holy crap, I just got lost in a time-warp somewhere down Bunny Brenda’s cleavage when I paused on this image.)

Brenda says she’s not talking about the bunnies having sex and this Doris chick is getting on my last nerve asking about the reputation the club has, sex and Mr. Bianchi last being seen there. Yep, this can’t go anywhere good. Brenda says that’s the rumor she heard, but she really doesn’t know. Doris just won’t stop with the questions and finally Brenda says she’s not a police officer, so what would she know? Stop being weird, Doris. She then asks Brenda to cover for her while she goes to “call her mom before Ed Sullivan starts” and I’m hoping Brenda senses the weirdness emitting from that odd bunny tail.

As I suspected, Doris made it into the club under false pretenses. She’s trying to get information about the Bianchi disappearance but it’s hard to tell which side she’s on. I’m still not giving up on my lesbian call celebration dance just yet, but now I’m hoping I was wrong.

Nick begins his date with Frances and she says she knows she’s there as arm candy. John comes to have a word with Nick and says he’s not done questioning Maureen. Nick goes to warn Maureen to watch her back around John, and she says she needs to worry more about what CL thinks. Sneaky Doris manages to creep over towards their conversation and looks menacing.

When Mr. Dalton makes his way back to the table, a slight ping stirs up beneath me. Could it be? Was I wrong? Is Frances a lesbian? Oh please let it be so! I saw the way she looked at that bunny tail, she was about to go all Elmer Fudd on it.

We are treated to a performance by Colbie Caillat, guest starring as her gayness, Lesley Gore. Frances says she loves the song and asks Nick to dance. Totally gay and taking the lead. Love it. Sean is psyched that it’s working and CL is pissed! Other bunnies are getting down.

Doris has made her rounds questioning the rest of the bunnies, so now it’s poor sweet Alice’s turn. This time, the questions are about Nick Dalton and his relationship with CL. She wants to know if they’re still together since he’s out getting jiggy on the floor with Frances. And yes, I did just say “getting jiggy.” Alice says, “Oh things aren’t always what they seem.” Doris asks what she means and, damn it, Alice, for someone so good at keeping a secret, you sure are lousy with secrets. She tells Doris about how her husband is Nick’s campaign manager and set the whole date up for publicity.

Doris has scored some info and calls the guy she answers to. She tells him that Nick is hiding something, but CL catches her and tells her to get off the phone during her shift. Billy closes up shop, but not very well AT ALL, leaving Doris to go through all of his belongings. She steals all of the girls’ files and runs out the door.

Back at the bunny dormitory, the girls are doing what all of us girls do when no one else is around: Having dance parties in our bras! “The Locomotion” just brings that out in us. The phone rings and Janie says not to answer it because it’s probably Max. The phone keeps ringing and a flustered lady comes in asking them what they’re doing. They were supposed to meet her ten minutes ago to go to the club. The girls say, “The music came on,” and “It was ‘The Locomotion’!” See! I told you! It’s Max on the phone and Janie hangs up on him. Time to go back to dancing!

Pearl and CL have their usual heart-to-heart session for the episode, in which something comes out about her and Nick’s relationship and also something about a bunny who might be up to no good. At Doris’s station, they find a piece of paper that alludes to a triangle in which she and Nick are both involved.

Over in rich man’s land, Nick is lucky enough to be seen with that gorgeous redhead, Frances, at her father’s mansion. Mr. Dunhill tells Nick he’s got great taste in women, but what else does he have? Nick ends up charming the pants off of all the rich white men in the room. Frances leaves him with a nice goodnight kiss for her father to see. Crafty! She must be gay.

At the club, Maureen passes John a note to meet her in the storage room. He follows her lead because who wouldn’t? She tells him about how Nick warned her about John and said he was dangerous. He tells her that under the right circumstances he is, but beautiful women are the most dangerous. She’s like, “Well what are you still doing here then?” and he says his middle name is “Danger.” She tells him to just go ahead and ask her what he wants to know.. He says not yet, he’ll ask tomorrow night. Those two should just do it already.

Back at the club, CL finally finds out Doris is an undercover reporter. And she’s an undercover reporter who is really bad at hiding her employer, because she can’t even wait to finish her shift to hand the story over to him at the club (where others can see). CL goes through her bag to see if she can find anything to destroy, but Doris walks in and says she’s already got everything she needs to write a story about the place.

That night, CL, tells the women that Doris was no bunny at all, she was a reporter. She asks if anyone may have given her any sensitive information and everyone admits they have. Oopsie! To make matters worse, CL finds a newspaper photo of Nick and Frances with the caption, “Chicago’s Camelot Couple.” She decides she’s going to see who is bad for who’s campaign!

Out for another date, Nick and Frances discuss their little arrangement. Nick sort of admits to having a girlfriend, and Frances basically admits to wanting him as her beard (as well as the fact that Nick is who her dad would like to see her with). She also says she’s looking for the same thing Nick is and hands him a check from her father for $50k to his campaign fund. I still can’t tell if he knows she’s gay.

Making things only slightly awkward, CL and Nick’s nemesis, Jimmy, come in for a casual drink (and to show Nick that two can play that game). Nick is feeling pretty yucky at the moment and Frances is feeling feisty. I like her.

Billy goes to talk the newspaper editor out of publishing the expose, but Doris comes in and tells him the story is too good not to print. It’s about one of his bunnies killing a man and it’s going to be on page one. The next day, we hear a voiceover of Doris reading about how she found out the bunnies were doing their job for money and fame. But she also found out that one bunny committed (DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUN) MURDER!

Later, Nick and Maureen go to an undisclosed location (somewhere downtown) and Nick tells her to let him handle things for once. He goes to speak with Doris about the story and tells her she’d better be careful because she’s writing about murder without being positive about the facts. She could ruin innocent people’s lives in the process, and get herself into trouble with the wrong people. She hands him her files and says she’s got plenty of evidence supporting her case. Surprise, surprise, it’s a different bunny.

It’s late at night and Maureen and Janie are the only two awake, nervously thinking about getting out of town. It turns out, Janie killed a man too. It was a car accident and she killed a man, but only had to serve a little bit of time while her scary husband got the book thrown at him. Now he’ll know where to find her, and she needs to get out of there. She says she had just come to the Club to get away from all the bad things in her past, but she can’t seem to shake them.

The following day, when the paper was supposed to reveal all, Nick comes in and explains that he’s fixed it and the paper is going to print a retraction.

Yay, the Bunnies are saved and CL is singing, “Lady is a Tramp” in a hot little red number. Sean greets Nick at the bar and says he heard he got a check with a lot of zeroes, “It’s raining men – I mean money,” and Nick shakes his hand and offers him the job saying, “While you get me elected, just try not to ruin my life.”

Nick and CL converse about their fake relationships and, out of nowhere, CL goes in with a jab about him and Maureen not being able to stay away from each other. She leaves to go back to her office, where she finds Doris returning the blue bunny outfit. Doris tells her it was nothing personal and the Bunny Momma tells her it absolutely was and defends her bunnies left and right. She says the club gives these girls a chance to make something for themselves but they couldn’t write about that, now could they? Doris said that’s not what sells newspapers. I’m fairly certain that if they took pictures of the bunnies at the club and printed them in the papers, that actually would sell. In fact, newspaper folks may want to start thinking about doing that right about now!

Somewhere, a group of good-looking, well-dressed folks, in what is probably an equally well-decorated basement, are meeting. Sean’s boyfriend is elected Treasurer of The Mattachine Society. Sean is one controlling queen, isn’t he? He’s also quite the wingman and winner of Best Gay Husband of the Year Award for introducing Alice to Frances, who immediately says, “You’re the prettiest bunny at the club.” I see a lot of trips back there in the near future along with every lesbian’s rite of passage: Making out in a bathroom stall. Can’t wait!

The episode ends on the creepy side of town, where John picks up Maureen and heads to an unknown place to discuss her interactions with his father and most likely increase their bizarre sexual tension.

What did you think of this week’s episode?

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