The Oscars were “a great year for lesbians,” but better for a king


Cate Blanchett, who had the night’s most daring look with her antique vanity mirror stand crossed with an haute couture Roman soldier gown, also had one of the night’s funnier off-the-cuff remarks. After watching a particularly gory clip of The Wolfman, which was nominated (and won) for makeup, she quipped with a shudder, “That’s gross.” Please, Cate, stay longer and save us with your classy awesomeness.

But alas, she left and we were left with oddly truncated performances of the four best song nominees. Yes, that really was Chuck, a.k.a. Zachary Levi, singing with Mandy Moore. And, yes, Jennifer Hudson really did call Gwyneth Paltrow country’s newest star. To quote Patsy Cline, that’s crazy.

Oprah was also in the house, though not to give everyone a brand new car. Instead she presented the best documentary honor to Inside Job. Dammit, now we’ll never know who Banksy is. Unless – have Oprah and Banksy ever been in the same room together? Has anyone ever checked O’s hands for spray paint? I’m just saying.

As the show mercifully rolled into the final stretch, Hilary Swank introduced last year’s first-ever female best director winner Kathryn Bigelow who then presented The King’s Speech director Tom Hooper with the trophy. Like at the Golden Globes, he thanks the “triangle of manlove” that was himself, Colin Firth and Geoffrey Rush. I thought you might enjoy seeing the perfect triangles of muscle-love on Swank’s shoulders more instead.

Another point in the manlove triangle won best actor, as the ever-charming Colin Firth was exactly that in his acceptance speech for The King’s Speech. Then the dancing lesbian beat the lesbian lesbian for best actress as Natalie Portman twirled away with the best actress statuette for Black Swan. I can only assume that her failing to thank co-star Mila Kunis in her speech meant she had a very special thank you planned for Kunis’ “sweet lips” afterward. She did, however, manage to thank a “Michelle Rodriguez.” I’m guessing it’s a different Michelle, but if not that’s the most random Hollywood friendship I’ve heard of in a long time.

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