The first presenter of the night was Ellen DeGeneres for for Best Female Video: Amazing singer, incredible dancer, fashion icon, party girl, and Southern cutie. But enough about Ellen, Lady Gaga wins for “Bad Romance,” thanks the soldiers who have been discharged and, most importantly, all the gays who re-made her video.
Since this is a lesbian site, it’s only fair to bring up Bieber’s performance. I swear that he’s actually the dyke who walked out of my roommate’s bed this morning and used my mouthwash. Wearing the same outfit. Coincidence or rip-off? And gross – get your own mouthwash!
MTV made it a point to pair up the two women in music that have capitalized more on faux-lesbianism than even Justin Bieber: Katy Perry and Nicki Minaj. Nicki’s my girl, but I will forever have a bad taste in my mouth (not only because Bieber the Lesbian used my mouthwash) from her playing games with my heart. They obvi presented the award for Best Male Video because, god forbid, should anybody think that they’re vagetarians. Then they’d never sell any additional lezploitation songs! I was too annoyed to pay attention to who won, but it was probably somebody who refers to both Perry and Minaj as “bitches.” Hooray!
You know who’s really cool, though? Florence + The Machine. Homegirl was a vision onstage, with “Dog Days Are Over” providing a much-needed respite from the rest of the auto-tuned, overly produced acts (over-compensation much?) before and after her.