Alice’s room — Alice and Shane look like they’re hanging out after high school. They’re sprawled on Alice’s bed, drinking beer and eating popcorn and telling their respective tales.
Shane thinks it’s crazy that Alice has effectively told Tasha and Jamie to go off and have sex.
Alice: It’s no more crazy than you not ending a relationship from hell because you think it’ll kill Jenny. Same thing.
Shane: I think she’s capable of it.
Alice: And that would be a bad thing?
Shane: You know you don’t mean that.
Does she? Doesn’t she?
Alice can’t understand why Shane is so "honor-bound" where Jenny is concerned, so Shane tries to explain.
Alice: Great! [getting comfy] Please explain to me.
Shane: I’m being serious.
Alice: I am too. I’m ready.
Hee. The First Friendship survives to the Last.
Shane says she feels like she’s been entrusted with a "lost child."
Shane: And that I was given this opportunity to be … responsible for somebody else’s feelings.
Alice just sort of nods. Then she declares it "sick" and wonders why Shane chose Jenny for this, of all people.
Alice: The girl’s not even talented. She’s not even a nice person. She’s, like, a fraud. You know she stole my idea. You know it.
Shane: I don’t know that.
Alice: You know it because I told you!
Shane: Alice, it is your word against hers. It always has been.
I would like to see Alice and Jenny in a "your word against hers" battle — and by that I mean a vocabulary showdown. Jenny would eventually mangle a 50-cent word and Alice would declare victory with a phrase like "F— your mother!"
Alice insists that she can prove that Jenny stole her idea, but Shane doesn’t care. None of "this," she explains, has anything to do with the treatment or with Jenny being "an artist or a good artist or anything else." OK, but what about her being a bad artist? Wait: what is the "this" that we’re discussing, exactly? Never mind; just pass the popcorn.
Suddenly we’re back in the interrogation room with Alice. I don’t know what Sergeant Duffy has just asked — these questionless answers are baffling — but Alice is offering up some sort of Zenbian koan.
Alice: Women drive me crazy. I fall in love with women, but …
Huh? But what? Tell us, Alice! WHAT?!
Shane’s still trying to explain her need to take care of Jenny.
Shane: If I was to walk away from this, I think she’d go off the deep end. I really do. So it is a choice between my happiness and hers. That’s how I see it.
Alice can only sigh and cover her eyes.
You’re probably right, Shane, but maybe Jenny’s just an inherently unhappy person. It happens sometimes. So choose your own happiness and fly away like that dove on your Free City hoodie!
Hey, is their upside-down-ness a tip, telling us to how to approach this episode? We should all go to a text-flipping site and paste in some Season 6 dialogue or episode titles — maybe one of us will happen upon the key to the DaJenny code. And then we’ll all die, having opened Chaiken’s/Pandora’s box! Um. Eww, sorry.
Chorus of Erstwhiles: III
Angelica: Earth mama! Popcorn!
Toxic Tonya: Ooh, Shane has a girlfriend. Did you hear that, Dana honey? Even the Shanes of this world settle down eventually.
Mark: Who flipped the lens? Which camera is that?
Mr. Piddles: I am never going to leave this purrrfect bed.
Shay: Shane, remember when we were going to get a house? With Paige? Is she under the bed popping popcorn?
Fae Buckley: Bless you, Shane, and your generous soul. Now turn your back on Jenny and Satan and choose your true happiness: salvation!
Dawn Denbo: Hey, Alice: thank you. Nice face.
Dana: Who what how huh? Shane is in a relationship? With Jenny?! Yeah, I am SO sure. Mr. P., scoot over: I’m going to build a pillow fort to protect us from this crazy talk.
More inherent unhappiness — At Helena’s house, which might better be called the Peabody Arms (look at them!), Dylan is on her cell phone. She sees Helena approaching and hastily hangs up, which of course arouses Helena’s suspicions.
Helena: Who were you talking to just now?
Dylan: Nobody. Just a friend.
Helena: A friend called Nobody?
I’m nobody! Who are you? Are you nobody, too?
Dylan wonders just how long this suspicion will go on. I dunno — what’s the statute of limitations on extortion?
The interrogation room — Hey, remember in the recap for Episode 6.01, when I asked, "Can we please put Sergeant Mary Beth Duffy and Helena Peabody in a room together?" This isn’t what I had in mind. Especially because we still can’t really see Sgt. Duffy. Back up the damn camera already!
Helena: I know it’s a cliché, but … being rich? It’s a curse.
Don’t forget being stunning. ‘Cause you’re both. Doubly cursed.
Helena explains that she never knows whether people really care for her or are just with her for the money. What about the beauty part? You have a lot to offer, Peabody. Throw in a sexy accent, and I’m pretty sure we all want to be with you for exactly who you are.
Cut back to Helena’s house — Dylan is stomping off, fueled by her indignation at constantly being a suspect. Why? Can’t you give Helena a little time to adjust? And can you really blame her for thinking you were doing the U-Haul thing?
Helena runs after her and begs her to stay. They stop on the stairway, where Helena hangs on Dylan very weirdly — the subjugated pose is kind of disturbing.
Cut back to the interrogation room briefly, where Helena confesses that even with Winnie (hey, Melissa Leo! See you on The Farm!), she just bought and sold people. That’s OK, Helena: most people are happy to be bought. I myself can be yours for the price of £0.00.