“The L Word” Recaps: Episode 5.6 “Lights! Camera! Action!”

Dr. Kroll’s office of obligations — Phyllis is asking Joyce for advice about her divorce. But Joyce takes it to the next level. She offers a countersuit and her services — the legal ones, not the lady-loving ones. Not that her lawyerly skills don’t warrant a wink.

Joyce: Phyllis, you hired me to represent you, and then you fired me so we could make sweet love. And then you broke my heart. So, the way I see it, you’re down a lawyer; I’m down a job.

Phyllis isn’t sure about this. I am: Hire her!

Joyce: Phyllis, I’m the best in the business. I win cases. It’s what I do. And I got a bum deal here. So I’m not gonna walk away from a sweet piece of business just because we didn’t work out as lovers. In fact, I think you kinda owe me this one.

A “sweet piece of business”?! I have to start incorporating that into my everyday speech. Not to mention tongue-clicking — that’s two instances in one episode, from Jenny to Joyce. Phyllis should put the tongue-click in her notebook of lesbian lingo.

Joyce, is your scene over already? I wish I could hire you, too. You would have made sure guestbian was mine, all mine. Muahahahaha.

Mallrats — Uh. We’re in a mall. Jenny and Adele are ascending the escalator to the tune of “Pull Shapes” by the Pipettes. You thought it was the Spice Girls, didn’t you? Maybe that was just me.

Adele thinks the clothes are way too pricey, but Jenny drags her over to the Chanel. It’s all coming out of the wardrobe budget anyway. They shop till my eyelids drop.

Jenny: We should get you some jeans now, because, um, Adele, the appliqué on the back of your jeans was declared an abomination by the Geneva Convention.

Arrrgh! For the love of all that is legally binding, there is no “Geneva Convention” — no gang of rumpled businesspeople who went to Switzerland for a weekend of team-building! There are several Geneva Conventions, plural, and they are international treaties, not gaggles of balding capitalists waiting to hit the hotel bar after the last PowerPoint presentation.

Sorry. I feel better. Adele and Jenny shop and wave to each other from escalators and buy a necklace for Niki (that was Adele’s idea, of course). Jenny worries about keeping Niki a secret.

Adele: I’ll make sure that nobody has the slightest inkling.

Finally, surprise, surprise: What was once mousy is now magnificent.

But Jenny won’t let anyone touch Adele’s hair. Only Shane can have that honor.

Sheesh, was that scene 19 hours long or what? And was it supposed to be some sort of extended movie reference or something? I’m no expert on the makeover/shopping genre. But at least Jenny apparently traded in her boots at some point.

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