The velvet mafia party — Tasha. Could you be more dashing? No.
Alice: I hope we see some famous closet cases. It’ll be fun!
Alice, it’s a party, not an amusement park ride. Tasha points out Daryl Brewer, an NBA point guard who is married and has kids. Something’s brewing, all right.
Their host, Barry Bird, says hello and warns Alice not to do any podcasting while she’s there. Ouch. Hang on while I get something for my anvil-shaped headache.
SheBar — Jenny is hanging out in a chair she has obviously stolen from Mork from Ork.
Adele brings Jenny a drink and some news: Niki Stevens is there. And soon she’s right there next to them.
Nearby, Tina figures out that Adele arranged all this.
Tina: Oh, my God, you’re my hero!
Jenny and Niki go off to talk somewhere else. Oh, and yes, Niki is a lesbian in real life, too.
On the DL — Tasha and Alice slow-dance next to Daryl the basketball player. He is ridiculously flamey (but, according to Tasha, is nothing like that outside of velvet mafia parties). He accidentally steps on Alice’s foot and expresses his approval when she offers that old line, “It’s OK; I’ve got two.”
And then Alice does something both unbelievable and inevitable: She reaches for her phone and takes a picture of the basketball player and his boy toy.
Alice! No! And wait, why do you have both an iPhone and a Razr? Sheesh, share the wealth a little.
An impassioned plea — It turns out Niki is just as dramatic off camera as she is on. She tells Jenny that Lez Girls is her story, a true story, and she has never wanted a role this badly. She goes on a tearful tear about how guys look at her and how she wants to be more than just a Hollywood type.
Niki: I will give you everything that I have inside of me for this role.
Amazingly, Jenny seems to buy it. I think her ponytail might be a little too tight; that always muddles the brain.
The VIP(er) room — During the audition, there was some horrid dialogue (rightly called out by Ms. Snarker) about vipers and venom. But maybe it wasn’t as hyperbolic as it seemed, because I think Shane has just walked into a nest of vipers. Dawn and Cindy are interested in some three-way action, and I don’t mean the upcoming web series.
Dawn and Cindy promise Shane they won’t bring her any drama — just fun. And Shane finally gives up the celibacy thing.
Um. I’m sure some viewers are completely turned on, but I’m actually turned off. Dana Delany had more chemistry in a single finger (especially when it circled that glass while she was trying to seduce Bette) than I can find in all this writhing, wriggling, wiry flesh.
(Hey, this reminds me of that party scene on Life recently — can we get a crossover episode so Shane can hang out with Sarah Shahi again?)