“The L Word” Recaps: Episode 5.3 “Lady of the Lake”

Making things official — Captain Beech, that pseudo-friend of Tasha’s who didn’t want anything to do with her lesbo lifestyle, has now officially been detailed to her case. They discuss the allegations: First, that she was seen in the company of several openly gay ladies at the Santa Anita racetrack; second, that she was seen having a lovers’ quarrel on the base; third, that she showed favoritism to Anita Martinez, a soldier in her unit, because she was romantically involved with her.

Tasha says that last thing is a flat-out lie. But Beech says it’s up to her to prove it. Why do you call this guy a friend, Tasha? I call him a four-star jerk.

After Beech mentioned the Santa Anita racetrack, Tasha looked very serious. Maybe she was having a moment of silence for Papi, who has disappeared without a trace.

Another podcast/vidcast/vlog/whatever — Alice’s guestbian on her “podcast” today is Jodi. Alice is trying to put something delicately.

Jodi: Delicately? What? I thought we were talking about sex.

Alice: Yeah. Well … some people like delicate sex.
Jodi: Not me. There’s nothing worse than tentative, timid lesbian sex. I would never be in one of those lesbian-bed-death relationships, where you just cuddle and, you know, say good night and go to sleep. I have a teddy bear if I want to do that.

Shane, who is watching the taping, gives that comment a hearty thumbs-up.

Alice wants to know how to sign the word lesbian, but when she finds out, she declares it unsexy.

As Dorothy Snarker points out, it looks like a sideways “loser” sign. So Jodi offers an alternative, which Alice likes much better.

They talk about the signs for cunnilingus and f—, and I don’t feel like I can do it justice with words and pictures. Maybe recapping sign language is like dancing about architecture.

Shane vows to remember some of the signs, but Kit pops into the frame to remind Shane that she has sworn off sex. Kit, where did you come from? You’re like the Aunt Sassy of The L Word.

Jodi shows them the sign for “F— me, baby,” which prompts Tom to look meaningfully at Max. It also prompts Alice to get personal:

Alice: Who says that to who? Bette says that to you, or you say that to Bette?

Jodi reminds her that Bette told her not to get personal. Alice promises to cut it out for “boring, boring Bette.”

Jodi: Last night, she said it to me.

Kit: [plugging her ears] OK, all right, la la la la la, I don’t wanna hear what you and my sister been doing. I don’t wanna know!

Oh, totally the Aunt Sassy! (Thank you, Jill Bennett, for referencing The Comeback in last week’s We’re Getting Nowhere vlog.)

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