A Peabody, or a pod person? — The whole gang is at the Planet to give Helena a farewell party. Yes, farewell: Mama Peabody has the perfect solution.
Peggy: Our family doesn’t go on trial. We generally go to Europe.
That’s all fine and dandy, but I don’t like Mama P.’s other grand statement:
Peggy: I can assure you that any future rehabilitation of Helena’s character will be imposed under a more rigorous program than the Los Angeles lesbian lifestyle can provide. At least Paris, when she was in the clink, didn’t get involved with some big butch prison daddy dyke.
First, are you sure she didn’t? Second, does this make any kind of sense? This is the woman who embraced her old flame named Marilyn? And where are Helena’s kids, by the way? Oh, I must stop looking for consistency or even just a passing resemblance to seasons past.
Helena tells her friends that Dusty is enlightened and beautiful, but Mama’s not hearing it. As Anya once said on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, “Everyone’s uncomfortable now.”
Helena gets up to go to the loo, but she’s really trying to sneak out. Alice stops her to give her a hug and tell her she’ll miss her.
Outside the back door, Shane is having a smoke. Helena shares the cigarette and her plan:
Helena: Look, can you cover for me? Say I’m in the bathroom or something?
Shane: Yeah, I can cover for you. But what are you talking about?
Helena: I, um … I hid the money. I’m gonna get my friend out of prison, and we’re gonna go somewhere.
Woo hoo! Can I come with you?
Shane promises not to tell anyone and pulls Helena into a farewell embrace. Then the most hilarious thing happens: Shane, in her altered-by-abstinence state, kisses Helena.
It’s as bizarre as that Bette-Shane thing last week. Helena thinks so too, and pushes her away, completely confused. So Shane apologizes and explains and sends Helena on her merry way, accompanied by Uh Huh Her’s “Explode.”
Bye, Helena. We’ll miss you — every version of you, from pinched power-suit-wearing Peabody to BFF to gambling fool to skinny-jean-wearing, down-to-earth lover.
She takes the puzzle piece from her pocket and holds her head high as she goes.
Next time on The L Word: Our heroines take a self-defense class; Jenny finds the star of Lez Girls; Alice gets a visit from some men in uniform.
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