“The L Word” Recaps: Episode 5.11 “Lunar Cycle”

THIS WEEK’S L WORD VOCABULARY:

Wicked: Adele.

Gunplay: Not for little girls.

Oracles: They always go unheeded — until it’s too late.

THIS WEEK’S GUESTBIANS: Malaya Rivera Drew gets what she wants; Elizabeth Keener anticipates drama; Alicia Leigh Willis tags along as usual; Patricia Velásquez learns how to kiss; Kate French caves under contract; Melanie Lynskey turns Alice’s head.

Voilà, Lez Girls — Jenny’s twisted vision is coming to life before her very eyes. She’s watching a rough cut of a Lez Girls scene. It’s the one where Tina upends a table at The Planet in response to Bette’s announcement that she has broken up with Candace because she loves Tina.

Only there are, of course, several differences between the movie and real life — er, fake life. First, Bev is nothing like Bette. She’s mincing and weak and, well, not hot.

Also, the decor is more like The Mod Squad than The Planet.

Third, and most important, the scene ends far more happily than it did in Season 2. Bev and Nina reconcile right there on the spot, and they even announce their pregnancy to their supportive friends. In Season 2, Tina stormed out in her baby-bump-hiding trench coat and everyone felt awful — including Toxic Tonya, who was there in her coffee-drenched white pants. (The “poopy s—” coffee, remember?)

Season 2

Oh, well. Of course the scenes are going to be different. I guess it’s a relief that Jenny’s memory is inaccurate in a happy way for a change. That’s far preferable to a memory that’s inexplicably aquatic or overly shroomy.

Some of that, however, was not just happy — it was downright Up With People (or Up With Gay People, I guess):

Donna: Thank God. I don’t know what I would’ve done if they’d split up.

Alysse: They’re, like, the best couple that ever lived. They really are.

Shaun: They’re role models for the rest of us.

Karina: An example for the straight world.

Ugh. Begoña looks like she can’t believe she had to say that. Meanwhile, can you believe Cammie actually makes a decent Shaun/Shane? I’m shocked! But, on the other hand, I guess a Dark Crystal Muppet isn’t that far off from a Fraggle.

Back in the fake real world, Jenny’s not that happy with the scene, but before we can find out why, the theme song encroaches yet again.

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