Phyllis and the financiers â€” Jodi and Tom are chatting with some muckety-mucks. They don't seem terribly interested, and also seem annoyed by the fact that she's signing. They take their leave rather gracelessly:
Rich guy: [enunciating excessively] Well, it was nice to meet you, Don.
Tom: Tom. And I'm not deaf.
Rich guy: Oh, right. And, um …
Jodi: Jodi. And I'm deaf.
They see Bette mingling and wave her over. Jodi seems a little nervous, which is cute.
Bette: My my, you clean up nice.
Jodi: Thanks. I can't say the same for you.
Bette: [turning to Tom] Tom. So nice to see you.
Tom: Thank you.
Bette: [turning back to Jodi] Did you just insult me?
Jodi: No. You're just always so very clean. I can't even imagine you being dirty at all.
Bette: Oh, I've been plenty dirty.
Jodi: I have a hard time picturing that. Sorry, I just … I don't know, maybe a fetching little smudge [reaching for Bette's face]
Bette: [catching Jodi's hand midair] Dirtier.
Bette and Jodi both seem somewhat embarrassed, and considerably turned on. The latter is true for me as well.
Jodi says she doesn't envy Bette, having to raise money from creeps like the one who called Tom "Don." Bette says it's not so bad, but then she concedes: "It's a f—ing nightmare."
After some tension-relieving laughter, Jodi suggests that they go get stoned. Bette says she can't do that, but Jodi insists. Bette looks furtively around the room and then follows Jodi out. Dean Porter, you were that girl who always said no and did the miscreant deed anyway, weren't you? Naughty.
The war of words â€” Alice, Jenny and Shane are at the bar, and Alice and Jenny are still bickering. Jenny says Alice draws from real life for her radio show too, but Alice says that's totally different. Jenny waves her finger; Alice drops a bunch of "whatevers" on Jenny. It just gets better and better:
Alice: Do you know who makes this hat, by the way?
Alice: Do you know?
Alice: You don't know. You don't know who makes this hat.
Jenny: I would guess the lead singer of the Village People.
Before Alice can wipe that smirk off Jenny's face, Papi interrupts them to introduce her friend Tasha. Alice invites them to have a drink, so Papi goes to the bar. She asks Tasha what she wants, but Tasha says, "I can buy my own drink."
Papi says this is Tasha's welcome back into the world and starts to explain what she means by that, but Tasha says, "Shut up, Papi." Tasha, even if you weren't already a thousand times cooler than Poopi, we'd all love you just for shutting her up.
Someone walks by and sort of bumps Tasha's shoulder, and Tasha gives the passerby a look of death that seems to both frighten and intrigue Alice. Tasha goes out to have a smoke; Alice looks after her and asks Papi whether she's OK. Papi says, "She's cool," but that's like Max talking about computers: feigned expertise, no real experience.
Mellow â€” Bette and Jodi are smoking pot. Tom's there too, and yes, I realize that's to be expected, but this is getting sort of intimate. Do they call you Tom because you peep?
Jodi seems very familiar with the art of inhaling. So does Bette, actually. Tom says, "She knows what she's doin'," and the look on Jodi's face says, "I'd like to plumb the depths of her knowledge."
Meanwhile, back at the bar â€” Shane is watching a couple of pretty young things as they dance. One of them comes over to her and says, "I saw you watching me." Shane says, "Yes, I was," in that straightforward Shane way. The go-go girl introduces herself as Ruby â€” at first I could have sworn she said Furby â€” but before Shane can get her mojo working, Papi swoops in. She chats up Ruby very effectively, making small talk about families and kids. Shane slaps Papi on the shoulder and says, "Merry Christmas, Papi," and "That's a cute hat." Heh. And then she leaves Papi to the spoils. Papi pretends to apologize for interrupting something, but then she just asks Ruby to dance. Papi does a sort of celebratory "I'm cool" move as Ruby goes to the dance floor. Ugh.
Jeez, hats are everywhere in this episode. Papi's is this gold mesh cap thing with a funkadelic design. Guess there was a sale at the Things My 3-Year-Old Made shop.
Elsewhere, Jenny suddenly sees Stacey Merkin, who's dancing with Lindsey. Jenny/Debbie freaks, of course:
Jenny: Stacey Merkin is here.
Alice: The vagina wig?!
Jenny: Yes, she's here! Just look casual, just look like nothing's happening.
But then Stacey spots Jenny and Lindsey spots Debbie and both start to come over. Jenny takes drastic action:
Jenny: Can you kiss me?
Jenny: Please kiss me.
Alice: I don't kiss girls who wear doilies.
Jenny: I beg you. I will buy you Starbucks for a week. Please. I beg you. Yes, yes, yes. Please.
Jenny: OK, go. Ready? 1, 2, 3 …
Alice and Jenny kiss, and Jenny sort of climbs onto Alice. Shane stands by in horror. It's only slightly less hilarious than the awkward Jenny/Dana almost-sex scene. Sigh. Dana. Remember her?