The L Word Recaps: Episode 4.4 “Layup”

 
 

Hello WeHo — Jenny is at the vet with Sounder the hapless hound. A male couple has also brought their dog, Molly, to the vet. She's eaten a quarter pound of coffee. It's an odd nod. But it's sort of interesting that Jenny is watching them as if she's ashamed: not ashamed to be gay, but ashamed to be a sham pet owner. Or maybe she stares at everyone that way.

Jenny — er, Debbie — and her dog are called in to the exam room. The vet turns out to be — the plot thickens — Stacey Merkin's girlfriend. And of course that was the entire point all along. Jenny/Debbie talks a good game: She says Sounder's been with her for 11 years and has outlived three girlfriends. The sparks fly, in between allergen-induced sniffles.

My favorite twosome — Alice is teaching Helena how to play basketball, with a mini ball and a wicker laundry basket. Alice says shooting is "like drying your nails," and Helena echoes her, but I really can't capture the hilarity of it.

And Helena can't really get it in general:

Helena: I think we need to take a break.
Alice: Helena, we've got the game on Sunday. We have to train. And I still have to teach you how to slap the asses.

But Helena's had five job interviews today, is knackered (I love that), and could really do with a glass of wine. She turns around to take her leave — tossing the ball over her shoulder and directly into the basket as she goes. Alice says, "Uh, Helena, you might wanna take a look at this, because YOU JUST GOT IT IN! OVER THE SHOULDER! OVER YOUR HEAD! WITHOUT EVEN LOOKING! I think you might be our secret weapon. HUH?!" It is so adorkable.

Meanwhile, the doorbell has rung. Alice opens the door to a fawning Phyllis, who has brought Alice a gift: A Julie London CD. "I thought we could listen to it next time," says Phyllis. Uh-oh. You may soon be crying a river, Phyllis.

It seems Phyllis also needs a caterer for the upcoming trustees' brunch, so Alice promptly volunteers a gobsmacked Helena. Phyllis happily hires Helena and gives Alice a possessive smooch.

Helena: Alice! A —
Alice: Yeah.
Helena: What did we just get me into? And B, you're not telling me that that sophisticated, genteel, intelligent, lovely —
Alice: Lovely!
Helena: — mature woman is the same animal responsible for those hideously loud noises emanating from your bedroom the other night?!
Alice: [brightly] Yeah. That would be the lady! Uh-huh.

It's time for me to refuse to recap something — Angstus and the other nanny, Hazel (hired by Tina and Henry), are chatting. Hazel thinks Angstus is hot, so she says all sorts of suggestive things to him and asks for guitar lessons.

They need to die.

Shoe shopping — Our playas are getting shoes for the big basketball game. Helena is lamenting the high cost of "trainers," and Kit is freaking out about how big her feet are. And Shane (in her sturdy Converse) is just thinking about the Back to School thing.

Kit, the eternal observer, tells Jenny she's "smelling like an ole dog today." And then Kit explains the team name to Helena — Alice has claimed the "bourgie-ass" label.

Kit: Bourgie, baby. Come on, the bourgeoisie. You know, the upper class, the upper crust.

Crust is what your feet are gonna be if you insist on wearing those too-small shoes.

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