Papi fresh â€” Alice and Papi are chatting at the Planet. Papi's pontificating about how easy it is for her to bed women. She also wants to know who Alice has been hittin' it with. Alice says, "No one you know. I'm sure. Maybe."
Papi: Was she good?
Alice: [chirpily] Yeah. Good, yeah. Different. Different. Good. She was good, she was great. What am I saying? She was great. Just, you know, she's not my normal type. Not that I have a type. Yeah, I don't know, I think it's not about sticking with what you know, right now, for me. You know, different is good.
Papi: Yeah, different sounds married, Alice. Just keep that on the DL, OK? You don't wanna be dodgin' bullets, you know?
Alice: No, it's not like that, Papi. I mean, I know when to keep it in my pants. It's OK.
Papi: S—, I don't.
Alice then tries to interview Papi, asking her where to meet girls. Papi â€” who, by the way, is wearing ridiculous tattoo sleeves and a crazy hat and gargantuan earrings â€” says one good way to pick up chicks is to play pick-up basketball on Sundays at West Hollywood Park.
Papi: I don't leave there without at last one girl and, like, a couple of digits. Yeah, it's hot, too â€” it's, like, all kinds of girls, like, all sweaty and shit.
Lothario? More like Zuko. "You know how it is, rockin' and rollin' and whatnot."
She tells Alice to come to the park on Sunday. As if to counter Papi's affected way of speaking, Alice gets sort of girly and says, "My friends, we could make a little team."
Papi: Whatcha gonna call your little team, huh? The bourgie-ass girls?
Alice: No, more like the kick-your-ass girls.
Papi tells Alice to make sure she brings Vanilla Spice. "You mean Shane," says Alice. "Yeah, Shame," says Papi. Ooh, good one, Danny Zuko.
Alice: You can save the s— for the field, all right?
Papi: It's called the court.
Alice: Whatever. It's on. It's so f—in' on.
I don't know which is more beautiful to behold: Alice coming or Alice talking trash.
Live woman walking â€” Phyllis is cruising down the hall at CU â€” and I do mean cruising. She's checking out all the ladies as "Music to Watch Girls By" plays.
She runs into Bette. They exchange good mornings; Phyllis says it's an "astounding, life-altering" day. Bette wonders whether Phyllis has done something different with her hair. Then the conversation turns to business: Bette wants some advice on how to approach Skip Connolly, a conservative donor with deep pockets. Phyllis tells her to choose her battles wisely. Bette detects a whiff of censorship in the air but is soon distracted by the prospect of meeting impressive artist-in-residence Jodi Lerner.
Phyllis: Today at lunch we should go over the donors list. And I have something fun to tell you.
Bette: Oh. I'm looking forward to it. I gotta say, you really, you really are radiating something. Really. Anyway, I'd better go prepare for my meeting with Skip.
Phyllis: [calling after Bette as she walks away] I just hope I don't end up on Our Chart.
Bette: Phyllis, you can't end up on the chart unless â€”
Phyllis: [waving and running off]
Bette: F— me.
I gotta say (or rather, my girlfriend's gotta say in the podcast), Bette's glowing too, though that's not exactly news.