The L Word Recaps: Episode 4.3 “Lassoed”

A table in the back — Helena feels like she doesn't even know how to talk to women anymore. Bette says that's because she's reinventing herself. Reinventing? Is that what you call the seismic character shifts that have been taking place since Helena first arrived in L.A.?

Bette looks around and sees Phyllis, and she immediately starts swearing to herself. But she offers a friendly wave, which of course sparks the table's interest:

Alice: What what what? Did you sleep with someone?
Bette: No, not in this century. OK, girls, girls, here's the deal: [taking a deep breath and speaking rapidly] Phyllis Kroll, Executive Vice Chancellor, California University, very accomplished, very dignified, very much my boss; I repeat, very much my boss. She's been married 25 years and is now, at this relatively late date, is convinced she's a lesbian and is peeking out of the closet as we speak, so please please please be nice to her and try to talk to her and try not to make her feel like she's the oldest living lesbian on the planet.

Phyllis comes over to the table and she says she's been hiding out in the back. Bette says, "You are now among friends," prompting Helena, Alice and Shane to stand up like nervous schoolgirls. So then Phyllis takes a seat, and Bette smiles as broadly as she can.

Elsewhere, Angus is getting some bad news from his bandmates. It seems the record company has a younger, hotter lead singer in mind, so Angus is officially out of the band. Kit overhears and gives them an earful: "You candy-ass piece o' s—, you. You'd be nothin' without Angus. Nothin'. You must be outta your m———in' mind. You must be f—in' crazy. Get the f— outta here."

Pam Grier!

Back at the table in the back, Jenny has taken a seat and is holding forth about Stacey Merkin. Phyllis is sympathetic.

Phyllis: What I find so utterly specious is the assertion she made about her own ladyfriend.
Jenny: I know, I mean, Saint Lindsey? Why is she the pantheon of honesty?
Helena: It's pathetic, writing about her own girlfriend in the review.
Phyllis: The fact that she compared the two of you is proof enough of her stupidity.
Jenny: I know. Thank you. I mean, the whole thing was, I wasn't writing about all survivors' stories. I was just writing about my story and my experience.
Phyllis: It's a shame you can't do what I did when I got my first bad review.
Bette: Oh, Phyllis. You never got a bad review.
Phyllis: I did so, of my second book. A reviewer from the Journal of Education and Policy absolutely ridiculed my premise. So with a wicked rebuttal, I dismantled him point by point. He lost his job because of it. It's too bad you can't prove your critic was wrong about her girlfriend's unimpeachable integrity.
Alice: That is for sure, Jenny. I agree, Phyllis. Totally agree.

Bleak house — Angus is lying on the bed, feeling sorry for himself. Kit comes in and tries to comfort him, but he's not having it. Oh, poor little Angstus. He whines about how he's too old to be a musician. That's true, Angstus. Well, it's not so much that you're too old; rather, you're too boring. It's not that you have negative qualities, it's that you seem to have no qualities whatsoever.

Angstus: Don't try and make me feel better, 'cause I'm just not gonna. You know, I think I just need to be alone.

Leave him there, Kit. Check on him in a week or so. Maybe he'll have disappeared in a puff of mope and mediocrity.

Max's studio — Max is lifting weights. He's grunting and squeaking like … well, like he always does. Jenny interrupts to ask for a favor. She spins some yarn about a "friend" named Lindsey from summer camp, who was assaulted and had to go to Coldwater Community Hospital. She wants Max to help her track Lindsey down.

Max: Well, that's not really much to go on. But I could do a computer search.

Do that. And while you're at it, look for information about telegraphs, transistor radios, horseless carriages and other newfangled inventions.

Jenny claims she's writing an article about the hospital for Salon magazine, and then stands there impatiently. Max says, "You want me to do it now?" — as if he doesn't know that in Jenny's world, her needs are more important than everyone else's. That makes him seem even dumber than that whole "computer search" thing.

The Planet — Two women are dancing on hay bales and licking beer off each other. A Goldfrapp song is playing in the background, and Goldfrapp can make almost anything hot. The woman on the left played the waitress in Bar Girls (the one who was on a juice fast), and I'm really, really sorry I know that.

Phyllis is watching with great interest. Bette starts to apologize for the inanity of it, but Phyllis lets out a whoop. "Go get 'em, Phyllis!" says Alice.

Back to school — It's the next morning, and Shane is dropping Shay off at school. Shane sort of sighs and then says, "OK, go ahead." She starts to walk away, and then looks back and sees that Shay is looking back at her too. He smiles and goes inside.

I can't believe I'm saying this, but this Shayne stuff is kinda cute.

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