Shane arrives. Tina is happy; she didn't think any of her friends (or, rather, her friends who tend to stand on the lesbian side of the room) would come. She asks Shane if she wants some food. It sort of takes Shane a while to answer this, probably because she's not very familiar with the concept of eating.
Tina goes to get Shane a beer, leaving Shane trapped with two straight women who don't know what to make of her. They tell her that her name is great: "It's perfect for you." Shane handles it gracefully, but escapes as soon as she can.
Alice decides it's time to mingle. "Good luck," says Bette, muttering "Brave" under her breath. Elsewhere, Helena shrieks and pulls Shane into a hug: "I am gonna be the best receptionist you've ever had." Oh! Fun.
Bette is looking at a picture of Angelica. A random straight woman (you can tell she's straight by the pink shirt she's wearing) tells Bette her daughter is adorable and then asks her what she'd do if one day Angelica were to decide she wants to live with her father.
Who would ask someone that? I mean, I do understand (because it's being so brutally shoved down my throat) that this is a tale of Straight People Go to the Lesbian Zoo, but who asks a stranger such a personal question?
Tina â€” yes, that Tina, or I guess whichever Tina has shown up for this episode â€” rescues Bette. "We don't call him the father. We call him the donor." Bette adds that she really doesn't think that's going to happen anyway.
Brad, a straight guy: Sorry, excuse me. I know you don't want it to happen, but, you know, kids have minds of their own, and, I mean, I'm sure your parents would rather you weren't a lesbian, you know?
Bette: [quietly and evenly] My parents are dead.
Tina Bette â€”
Henry: Brad â€”
Brad: Look, I'm not a homophobe, you know what I'm saying? But, uh, look, if my son came home and he told me that he was gay, I mean, I'm sure I would come around to it. But you know, at first there would be a reaction. And, I'm sorry, I'm just trying to be honest here.
Bette: An honest homophobe. How nice.
Tina: Bette, don't get into it.
Bette: No, I understand, Brad. I mean, you find gay sex repulsive, and you don't care about your son's personal happiness as much as you do your own comfort level. Right?
Another straight guy: You know, personally, I'm all for it â€” between women. It's just that, the idea of two guys … well, you understand, right?
Angus: It's not that bad, actually.
Straight guy No. 2: Come again, dude?
Angus: That whole dick-in-ass thing. I used to think it was a little creepy. And painful, too. But I found this great lube; it's called Boy Butter. Once I discovered that, it was like, [making obscene motions] "Let's get this party started."
Bette: [under her breath, to Kit] I love him.
Kit decides this is a good time to leave: "Come on, Butter Boy: Let's slide on outta here."
It's almost enough to make me forgive Angus for the myriad ways he's offended my sensibilities up to now. But not quite.
Alice suggests a game of Celebrity to ease the tension. I think maybe a game of Let's All Stop Being Eye-Roll-Inducing Stereotypes would be more effective.
Planet Hoedown â€” Cybill, er, Phyllis, is taking the plunge: She's going to a gay bar (or a women's night at a gay-friendly bar) for what I presume is the first time. She's wearing pearls and sunglasses, and she almost turns around and leaves as soon as she gets there, but she tells herself, "Phyllis, you can do this." Almost immediately, a woman asks if she can buy Phyllis a drink. Phyllis says she's not ready for a drink yet. Are you sure? Because I think I might like to ride that cowgirl.
Phyllis sort of stumbles through the crowd, spinning just like her head probably is. She sees a woman dancing in assless chaps, and is obviously shocked, but she looks again anyway. For several long seconds.