THIS WEEK’S L WORD VOCABULARY:
- Vaginal Rejuvenation: You’ve got to be kidding me.
- Gaydar: What Dana doesn’t have. Poor Dana!
- High-heeled Sandals: A faux pas in lesbo-land.
- Center of the Universe: That would be Shane. But Marina still owns The Planet.
- Wondering: What Dana isn’t anymore.
- Safe: What nobody wants to be, when Marina’s around.
The Prelude — Alice is trying to pitch her "Six Degrees of Any Lesbian" idea to her editor at the magazine. He’s not impressed. She tries to turn it into an L word thing: "We’re all connected, see? Through love, through loneliness, through one tiny lamentable lapse in judgment." He’s still skeptical, so she offers to do a piece on vaginal rejuvenation instead. Huh? I don’t think I want to know.
The neighborhood — Tina is jogging. She stops and thinks, and then says to herself, "Let’s do it."
She goes home and tells Bette that she’s ready to go through with the insemination. "You and me, tonight, here at home, sexy and in love, with no doctors, no fluorescent lights, no paper gowns — do you want to?" Bette’s confused because she didn’t think they had any sperm. Tina reminds her that they have Marcus’s:
Tina: "I don’t know what I was thinking. There’s no reason I wouldn’t want to have a baby with you using a donor who’s black. I… I think…"
Bette: "Don’t think. ‘Cause I would love to make a baby with you. In our home. In our bed. Just you and me."
Bette, I must thank you for not overcorrecting and saying "Just you and I." Tina is getting into the shower; Bette has already showered, but follows her in anyway. These two are great together.
Tim and Jenny’s house — Jenny wants to talk to Tim, but he’s late for swim practice. Tim, if you’re smart, you’ll stay under water until all the Jenny’s been washed out of your system.
A conquest’s house — Shane is leaving the scene of her latest one-night stand. Her stalker, Tammy Lynne Michaels, has staked out the place. Yikes.
Reviva — Alice arrives at the vaginal rejuvenation place. The woman behind the desk turns out to be her ex, Gabby (Guinevere Turner), who tells her not to do it because the recovery’s supposed to be hell. Well, I would imagine so — and after reading this overview, I’m appalled by the whole idea. I don’t think I lack an "overall optimum architectural integrity of the vagina," but even if I did, I wouldn’t put myself under the laser to fix it. Apparently you can also get "design laser vaginoplasty" if you just don’t quite look like a Playmate. Fucking hell.
Gabby apologizes to Alice for how badly she behaved when they were dating, and says she still has feelings for her. What kind of feelings? Fuzzy ones? Nauseated ones? She tells Alice she looks great, and Alice melts a little. Gabby asks Alice to meet her for lunch; the phone rings to let Alice off the hook.
The country club — A waiter puts a plate in front of Dana. She says she didn’t order it. He explains that it’s a sort of gift from Lara Perkins, the sous-chef. "Soup chef?" says clueless, dorky, adorable Dana. She steals a few glances over her shoulder: the sous-chef is very cute, and seems a bit shy. Dana enjoys her veggies with a goofy smile on her face.
Tim and Jenny’s house — Marina has left a message: "Hi, Jenny. It’s Marina. I was thinking about you." Damn! Marina is hot.
Jenny reads her story, via a voice-over. It includes words like "limpid," which is just too pretentious for me.