A shot that leaves me breathless — Alice and Tasha are in bed, entwined. Alice is watching Tasha sleep. It is simply beautiful.
Tasha wakes up. When their eyes meet, I swoon a little. OK, a lot.
Alice: You were having quite the little sex dream.
Tasha: No, I wasn’t.
Alice: You were. You were like, "mmm, mmm."
Tasha: You’re full of s—.
Alice: I’m not! Then who’s Lisa?
Alice: You were saying her name. Lisa.
Tasha: No, I wasn’t.
Alice: Is she an ex? Was she your girlfriend?
Tasha: No. She was, um, someone that I served in Iraq with.
Tasha: A straight girl with a husband and a child. You worried?
Well, I’m worried. I’m worried that this will become an overblown post-traumatic stress disorder story line and we’ll lose the fabulous Tasha we’re all starting to love. But I’ve been worried about that for a while now, so I’ll be OK.
Tasha and Alice’s sweet wake-up talk is interrupted by a call from the hallway: Helena is back from Mallorca, and she’s got the sombrero to prove it.
Alice tells her to "get in here," but Helena is a little startled when she opens the bedroom door to see Alice and Tasha in their postcoital glory. But they assure her it’s OK — not that I would kick Helena out if she sombrero-ed her way into my bedroom, no matter how in flagrante I might be.
Helena flops onto the bed and recounts her travels: First she and Catherine went to New York to drop off Helena’s kids (aren’t kids convenient, especially when you can just drop them off?), and then they jetted off to Mallorca to stay in a villa and play poker.
Alice: You flew all that way to play poker? It’s so, like, unhealthy and unstable, and …
Helena: What are you, my mother now?
Alice: Well, you know what? If I was, I would probably disinherit you as well.
Tasha has been quietly getting dressed during this little exchange, in preparation for her scene-stealing moment. When Helena reveals that she won the poker game, there’s amazement all around:
Alice: You won?!
Helena: Only $150,000!
Alice: Oh my God! [to Tasha] I should play poker!
Tasha: [eye roll]
I guess it’s not just an eye roll; it’s also a "you’re insane" stare. Whatever it is, to me it will always be one of the best moments of any season.
Alice wants to know the details of Helena’s agreement with Catherine. Do they split their winnings fifty-fifty? "Yeah, pretty much," says Helena.
Alice: Pretty much?
Helena: Yeah, we — you know. We have an agreement. It’s fine, Alice. It’s fine. It’s how they do it.
And now Tasha’s just smiling quietly to herself. Tasha, could you please take over the recaps? You can say more with your face than I could say in a hundred pages of babble.
Before Alice can protest further, they hear a voice outside, calling, "Tash! Alice!"
Alice: Is that Papi?
Tasha: Sounds like it.
Alice: Papi! Ring the buzzer!
The scene ends abruptly, so we’ll never know whether Papi is too drunk on her new love for Kit to find the buzzer, or just prefers to make a Romeo-like entrance. Perhaps she’s tripped on her own ego — or her hat — and can’t get up. She’s flailing under a humongous fedora! Call the haberdashery containment squad!
Shane’s accursed existence — Shane is telling Paige about Gabe’s sudden reappearance. Shane, you look so scary when your heart is aching.
Paige: And he didn’t tell you why he was here?
Shane: I mean, he clearly wants something.
I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt, Shane, and assume you’re just not saying it because you don’t want to speak it aloud. Because if you don’t know what Gabe wants, you really have been huffing too much hair spray. Or skateboard wax. Something.
Shane says Gabe is apparently trying to get Carla (Shay’s mom) into a hospital, although Shane doesn’t even know whether Carla is an addict. She does know Gabe was, though. I think you could say she knows it in the biblical sense, since Gabe’s behavior pretty much screwed her childhood.
A car horn honks outside. Shane says, "Here we go."
Paige: Do you want me to come with you?
Shane: No, no … just [motioning to Shay and Jared] keep an eye on them.
Shay and Jared are playing in the pool — oh, so I guess they’re next door, at Bette’s house. Jared calls to Paige, "Mom, look what I can do!" He just cannonballs into the pool, which seems like no great feat. No doubt that’s why Paige says, in that tolerant, exhausted parent sort of way, "That’s excellent, honey."