Lindsey calls Jenny/Debbie â€” Lindsey sniffles that Stacey has ditched her in order to do the fake C magazine assignment. Lindsey says, hey, Debbie, you hot mama, I've got this cozy little love nest in a B&B, and I just be chillin' with some Courvoisier, so why don't you get your psychotic little ass over to Solvang and get this party started? Oh, sorry, that was some sort of Lindsey-as-Papi mashup. These plot devices and caricatures are so easy to confuse.
Jenny/Debbie expresses sympathy for Lindsey, not to mention victory:
Jenny/Debbie: Well, thank you very much, you f—ing vagina wig.
Jenny/Debbie: Oh, nothing. It's just something that I call my little baby niece.
Jenny/Debbie, you wreck of a shell of a human being: Big kiss to you!
Where Google fears to tread â€” Max is chatting with his co-worker Megan. It seems Megan has been passed over for a promotion. Barclay Hill, the guy who got the job instead, is an a-hole who knows how to work the old boys' club. Max tells Megan she's way more qualified and she should sue. Megan tells Max that's easy for him to say because he's a member of the boys' club: "A nice member, but a member nonetheless."
Getting the right angle â€” Bette is staring at her computer and making gestures: She's learning to sign. She makes an especially interesting movement just as Papi is stating the rule that includes "sometimes you gotta go all in." I just got goosebumps.
Bette goes to Jodi's studio and signs, "You scare me." I don't know what Bette signs next, but I do know I like Jodi's reply:
Jodi: The more I'm afraid of something, the more I know I have to do it. I figured that out when I was a kid. I can lead a protected life, hiding away from the scary world, or I can take on the things that scare me the most. The more it might hurt, the more I might die doing it, the more worth doing it must be.
OK, it was a little ungrammatical, but it's still light years ahead of Papi.
Bette says she doesn't want to die right now, and Jodi says she doesn't either. Jodi gets a little closer and says, "Do you want to try it?" Bette slowly steps forward. Jodi kisses Bette's hand and and then tucks her own hand under Bette's chin. Bette cries a little, then presses her lips to Jodi's hand. And then they finally kiss.
They climb up onto the platform-y thing that's supporting Jodi's massive sculpture â€” at first, Bette says, "Come down," but Jodi says, "Come up. Don't worry about getting dirty." There's a mattress on part of the structure, because Jodi likes to sleep where she works. And now we know she also likes to f— where she works.
The poker game â€” Tasha and Helena and Alice are winning. And Papi's definitely losing: One of the many chicas she's bedded gets in a fight with the one who was adoring Papi earlier. The fight quickly becomes physical, but it's not campy or fun (even though the music is) â€” it's just lame, especially when Tasha tells Papi, "Handle your bitches, man."
The elbows keep flying, until one of them â€” Tasha's â€” lands in Alice's right eye.
Alice: Owww! F— my mother!
The hospital â€” Tasha takes Alice to the emergency room. Alice worries that the bruise on her face won't look good for the premiere. Tasha says, "Don't worry; you'll still be cute. " Awww.
As the gurneys roll in, Alice observes, "It's like f—in' Iraq in here." Tasha says it's nothing like Iraq, and she should know, because she's been there.
Alice: You're in the army?
Tasha: National Guard.
As Tasha talks about defending her country, Alice goes into knee-jerk liberal mode and starts to spout about innocent Iraqis. Tasha gets up and starts to walk away, but Alice stops her and apologizes. Tasha grudgingly sits back down.
Um. What? OK, I guess we've just been introduced to the Very Important Social Issue of this episode.