The Hook Up: Help! I slept with my straight best friend

Hi Anna, I have been going through your old articles hoping to find the answer, but surprisingly no one has asked you yet! I just woke up with a ridiculous hangover and my best straight, never-been-with-a-girlfriend of 10 years naked next to me. We slept together and I have no words. I am hiding in another room of my apartment from her. I mean we were drunk, but we have never had chemistry or anything because she is 110% straight. What do I do? — Freaking Out

Anna says: Well, the polite thing to do in this situation is to send her copies of the grainy cell phone pictures you took of her drunken lesbian antics so she doesn’t see them for the first time on Facebook. That, and perhaps allowing her bathroom privileges are all that’s necessary in terms of being an exemplary casual sex host.

Oh, you mean the emotional ramifications of boning your best straight friend? That is slightly more complicated. First, as it’s been several days since you sent this, I hope you have stopped hiding in another room from your bang-buddy. If not, please do so now. You’ll get a cramp!

Also, since it’s been a few days, and the hangover has (presumably) worn off, now is the perfect time to have the “OMG, we got drunk and did things to each other naked!” talk. It’s a fun one, I promise, especially if you blacked out any or all portions of the evening. Here’s how to do it.

Don’t freak out

Stay calm. Sex between friends happens, especially when too much booze is involved. Not freaking out will help your “110% straight” friend not freak out either. And since you’re both such good friends, you’re comfortable having candid discussions about awkward topics, right? Good.

Keep it light

Sex with a friend CAN be a big deal, but it doesn’t have to be. Make a joke of it if you don’t know how to broach the discussion: “Hey Joan, just wanted to talk about the other night and make sure you’re not preggers.” There’s no need to act like one of you lost a limb or anything, but you should at least acknowledge that it happened and prepare for a little weirdness in the ensuing days/weeks.

Sort your feelings out

Make your intentions and feelings clear, whatever they may be, and listen to what she has to say in return. She’s probably freaking out a lot more than you are since that was her first time diving in the muff. Expect to field a few unanswerable questions from her like, “Am I gay now?!” or “Was it all those Tegan and Sara albums I listened to?!”

I would advise you not to fall in love with her, but fat chance you’ll listen to that! See here, here, and here, for instance.

After you’ve had your Feelings Talk, clear the air by grabbing a frap together. You deserve it, after being so adult and communicative and processy!

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