The Hook Up: Baby dyke edition


I met a girl on Saturday night. She was designated driver and I was celebrating my mate’s 23rd birthday, meaning I had a bit too many to drink. We danced (instigated by her); she gave me her number and we basically spent the whole night together. It culminated in a kiss, which I bashfully asked for and a promise to call the next day.

This girl is enthralling, and I know that it’s not because I haven’t had a partner in over two years, nor do I think that it was because of the alcohol. I’ve texted her and we’ve talked via this medium fleetingly, but I just don’t know whether or not I should pursue her. I haven’t done this run around thing for a while but…what’s the appropriate time that people talk to each other when this thing occurs? I understand completely that she has work and other commitments, but I feel as if, I’m either just a notch on the belt OR that she just likes making friends. Punch line being, I don’t make friends…ever. But I am willing to try with her.

Anna says: Wow, you managed to pull a 180 in just over two paragraphs. That’s impressive, even by Lesbian Overthinking Standards.

I am confused now, however. You want to be friends with her? You want to date her? You want to be girlfriend soul mates 4 eva? It appears you DON’T want to be a booty call, but the rest is a bit fuzzy.

Let’s go over the details once more. You kissed. She was sober, you were not. But she did kiss you back unaided by the influence of alcohol. This is a decidedly non-friendly behavior.

She gave you her number and she texts you back. Also good signs.

You spent the whole night together. Yes. Hm.

Tell me where exactly is the part about her wanting to just be friends or use you as a sexy dust ruffle? Perhaps I missed it, or you left it out of your letter, but from here it looks like a pretty good case of ASK HER OUT ALREADY. And no more pretending you just want to be friends with this “enthralling” girl. You don’t want to be friends. You want to be friends with her vagina. So woman up now, and ask her for a frappuccino. No more dilly dallying unless you mean it euphemistically.

The “appropriate time for these things” is now. Don’t put off living. You’ve warmed her up, now quit thinking with your head and start thinking with your showerhead. When you do go out, before things get too hot and heavy, tell her, “I don’t want this to be a booty call.” Bam! Honesty bomb. If she then responds, “Well, I only wanted to see you naked and nothing more” then you’ll know and you tried your best, at least. But I reeeeally doubt that’s what will transpire, and not just because no one talks like that.

Seriously though, a sober kiss! That’s worth a hundred drunk ones. Take it. Run with it. Let us know how it turns out (and take pictures).

Hailing from the rough-and-tumble deserts of southern Arizona, where one doesn’t have to bother with such trivialities as “coats” or “daylight savings time,” Anna Pulley is a freelance writer living in San Francisco. Find her at and on Twitter @annapulley. Send her your The Hook Up questions at

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