The Hook Up: 3-16-2011

Malesbian: Usually a well-meaning but somewhat creepy straight guy who thinks he is a lesbian because he listens to Ani DiFranco and went to a “Take Back the Night” rally once.

MTF: Male-to-female trans person.

The Muffia: Power lesbians! Business suit wearing, Bette from The L Word types, with blue tooths, and expensive coffee habits. These gals know how to strike a deal, tend to be controlling, and are good at making things happen.

Multi-babular: Polyamorous.

Ned: A New England Dyke.

Partner: The term committed queer grrrls use to reference their significant others after they are tired of saying “girlfriend” or they are trying to prove to their families that their sexuality isn’t a phase.

Pillow Princess: A woman who only likes to be pleased during sex, and does not reciprocate. Goes well with stone butches.

Predatory Bisexual: Anna Pulley.

Saysbian: A chick who says she’s bi or lez, but only ever sleeps with men.

Scissoring: The preferred lesbian sex act according to the porn industry.

Stone Butch: A womyn who does not like to be touched sexually, and prefers to always be the giver.

Transgender/Transsexual: A person who desires to be and identifies as the opposite sex. Sometimes undergoes body modifications or takes hormones, but not always.

Tribadism/Tribbing: The hipper word for “Scissoring.” Also inspired the popular queer band in the ‘90s, Tribe 8.

Trisha/Trish/Trina: Another name for a femme.

Trysexual: A girl who will try anything sexually once. Also, Kim Cattrall in Sex and the City.

USA Gay: Someone who is really, obviously gay. Johnny Weir in a fur muff, ice skating to Lady Gaga gay. Can be shortened to just USGay.

Yestergay: Same definition as hasbian, but usually applies to gay men.

In terms of words you should avoid when talking to gay ladies, that’s a challenge because you never know what will offend someone. Sometimes, calling someone a “dyke” can be perceived as offensive, the same goes for carpet-eating sex metaphors, which I left out because you all know what that means. You can’t go wrong with queer usually, and if you’re unsure about a particular term, just ask. Queer wymmin love to educate. They also love to deconstruct the sociopolitical ramifications of everything. Flaxseed bread, abstinence education, vampires. hegemony, porn, Jillian Michaels’ abs, you name it. So don’t be shy. Ask away!

Lastly, I can’t think of a straight girl crush term off-hand, though I’m happy to invent some if you’d like to spread them around and then let me reap the glory. My contributions are “in-VADGE-uation” or “(s)traitor.” Anyone got something better?

Hailing from the rough-and-tumble deserts of southern Arizona, where one doesn’t have to bother with such trivialities as “coats” or “daylight savings time,” Anna Pulley is a professional tweeter/blogger for Mother Jones and a freelance writer living in San Francisco. Find her at annapulley.com and on Twitter @annapulley. Send her your Hook Up questions at askthehookup@gmail.com.

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