The Hook Up: 10-20-2010


I’m a 19-year-old chick from the Midwest (who’s in college) that has only ever dated guys, but I’m attracted to certain women. Saying this on a computer Q&A session is so easy, considering I’m anonymous and feeling a little fearless, but in real life I don’t have the balls to find out if I have a gay bone in my body.

For example, my best friend (female) will give me a quick kiss if we’re enjoying (several) cocktails together, but I would never be the aggressive person to find out how she would respond. I guess what I’m asking for is an Anna-Analysis PhD. run-down of your opinion on this situation, if that’s feasible.

Anna says: This is precisely why I got my online PhD in Relationshipology from the good folks at Pwning U. At least, they said they were a school. They sure asked me a lot of questions about lesbians, in either case.

First off, try not to mention “balls” so much. That may work in prison, but out here in the free world, most ghey ladeez prefer not to be reminded of such things when we are pursuing women. Same rule applies to mentions of Axe body spray and Tweety Bird pajamas. Just say no.

Second, the fact that you wrote to me at all shows that there’s probably at least one gay bone in your body, or the several bones required in typing out an email and hitting the send key. And hey, that’s a step! Golf clap for you, my friend. The next step is to ask yourself what you are so afraid of? Being attracted to women doesn’t mean you have to make bold, declarative statements about your sexuality. Nor do you have to change your hairstyle or teach yourself acoustic guitar. Lots of straight chicks are attracted to other chicks. In fact, according to OkCupid: “1 in 3 straight women has hooked up with another woman. And of those who haven’t, 1 in 4 would like to.”

So, in the sage words of Michael Jackson, you are not alone. I am here with you / Though you’re far away / Your bi-curiousness is probably here to stay.

Does this mean you should try to seduce your friend-with-cocktail-benefits? No. I don’t think you’re quite ready. When/if you do get there, there’ll be less fear on your end and more excitement. So take a chillax pill, hone in on those good Midwestern sensibilities and realize that there’s nothing wrong with your desires, regardless of whether you ever decide to act on them or not. Besides, you’re only 19. You have so many mistakes ahead of you! Some of them might as well involve a late night lip lock with a person who shares your plumbing and mutual fondness for Stoli vodka. Again, you don’t have to rush anything, but the only way dating/sex gets any easier is if you actually go out and do it.

You can trust me — I’m a doctor.

Hailing from the rough-and-tumble deserts of southern Arizona, where one doesn’t have to bother with such trivialities as “coats” or “daylight savings time,” Anna Pulley is a professional tweeter/blogger for Mother Jones and a freelance writer living in San Francisco. Find her at and on Twitter @annapulley.

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