Moving past spin the bottle, they finish the video, albeit painfully. Everybody hates everything! The judges tell them everything is horrible! They all feel dispirited! Yay! And the video really is sort of an awkward mess.
Here’s the thing, though: this was a horrible song choice. “Party Rock” is not a good song to showcase talented young singers’ voices. I mean, LMFAO doesn’t even sound great in that song! It’s catchy as hell, which is why we keep hearing it, but it’s a damn horrible song to sing. Who chose this song? Awful.
The one bright spot in the video is that Nellie and Dani have a little dancing part and I suddenly realized that I really, really wanted them to fall in love with each other and make out.
Sadly, after the “Party Rock” horror show was over, the bottom three were selected: Competitive Lily (she gets super defensive!), Tyler (for the second time in a row, ouch!), and Our Girl Dani. Sad face.
This was Nellie and Dani trying to defend their dance moves, saying “We practiced them, we had them down, we swear, it just fell apart!” Were you really practicing them, or did it fall apart because you actually spent the whole time making out instead? I hope so.
In critique of her part in the video, Ryan Murphy tells Dani: “You looked like you were at a house party waiting for your ride.” In your defense, Dani, that house party sucked. I would have been waiting for my ride, too.
I also have to make mention of Lily’s critique, since I agreed with the judges on her dance moves, which they hated. Back in the original dance rehearsals, Zach the Choreographer told them to stay away from “wedding moves,” the goofy flailings that people do at weddings to make people laugh. And then Lily did this Beyonce-esque-boob-shaking thing that was pretty much just that. And she proceeded to do that same exact thing for the whole episode. She even said, “I know this is what he said not to do, but I like making people laugh. It’s what I do.”
I cringed. I don’t want to assume I know Lily too well, but this is too often the case with anyone who worries that their appearance might not fit in: they decide their role is to make people laugh. The thinking seems to go, “I’m fat so I can’t dance so I’ll just be ridiculous instead.” No. You’re fat and you can dance and you are beautiful. I’m not saying you can’t be funny, but you can be sexy, too. The fault for this line of thinking of course doesn’t rest with Lily, but I still hate seeing it.
But when Lily sang her bottom-three song for Ryan Murphy (“Man, I Feel Like a Woman”), she danced all around the stage and was sassy and didn’t have to do that ridiculous chest-pumping thing once. She owned it. That’s what I mean, Lily. Keep that attitude. Tone it down on all the obnoxious defensiveness, though.
Dani got to sing Fleetwood Mac’s “Landslide,” which fit her voice quite well and she did a great job with it. You could tell she was having all the Feels. (Sort of impossible not to do with this song.)
Tyler sang Elton John’s “Daniel,” which he was much more pleased about than his assignment of “ABC” last week, and I thought he also killed it. A word about Tyler, too: I feel like the judges might be playing up the transitioning-into-his-body thing. If he wants to talk about his struggles as he transitions to his “new” male body, of course, it’s fascinating to hear. But they keep talking about how he’s stiff and uncomfortable and won’t let himself be free because of his transition. But the thing is, he looks fine to me! Maybe it’s just me, but in my eye he looks just as comfortable dancing and singing and performing as anyone else up there.
That said, I did still like Ryan Murphy telling him that he’s brave. “Think of the people who will be inspired by you. Because those kids need role models.”
His words to Dani, however, were a combo compliment-insult. “I think you’re an artist, but I don’t know if you’re a performer.” Ouch. This seems to be the general refrain with all the judges: her talent is undeniable! It’s not even that she doesn’t have stage presence; she does. But she’s too mellow, will never be “perky.” But have they seen her smile? She has a killer smile! She seems pretty happy to me!