The Gay Girl’s Guide to 2013 Fall TV

Lucky 7 (ABC, Tues. September 24, 10 p.m.): A group of gas station employees win the lottery and must deal with the positive and negative repercussions. Fans of Bomb Girls will recognize Anastasia Philips from her role as Vera Burr, and watch this show because we would follow her off a fucking cliff.

Reality Check

Jersey Strong (Pivot, September 14, 10:30 p.m.): This reality program follows two families, one of which is headed by lesbian moms, as they try to improve their worlds. Think of it as the anti-Real Housewives.

Generation Cryo (MTV, November): An adorable little baby dyke goes on a mission to find all her sperm bank-produced half siblings. It sounds like the heart-meltiest show in history.

Drama, Drama, Drama

Betrayal (ABC, Sunday, September 29, 10 p.m.): It’s like Mistresses, BUT DARKER. Also there are no lesbian shower times, as far as I can see. Let me know how this one turns out, guys.

The Blacklist (NBC, Monday, September 23, 10 p.m.): A criminal mastermind (James Spader) and a young FBI agent (Megan Boone) engage in Silence of the Lambs style cooperation to catch the world’s worst criminals. My favorite part of the trailer is when she stabs him with a pen.

Reign (The CW, Thursday, October 17, 9 p.m.): The story of Mary Queen of Scots as told by the CW? And also Nostradamus is there? UM YES DEFINITELY.

Masters of Sex (Showtime, Sunday, Septemper 29 at 10 p.m.): You guys, Lizzy Caplan plays a sex researcher. She will be researching lesbians, and I will be watching every episode with my fingers furiously crossed in hopes that the term “research” includes kissing.

Hostages (CBS, Monday, Septemper 23 at 10 p.m.): Toni Collette is an early front runner for this season’s Strong Female Character, as a surgeon who must operate on the president. Dylan McDermott threatens to kill her family unless she kills the Commander in Chief. Not sure how this premise is going to last a whole season, but maybe other heads of state will need surgery too.

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