Callie is wondering when Lexi and Jesus happened and Jude Yoda tells her that they’ve had a thing for each other for a while. He tells Callie that Stef and Lena aren’t going to keep them and warns her not to screw things up by dating Brandon. She says she’s not stupid and he counters that sometime she does stupid things. This kid is a regular Jiminy Cricket in his three piece suit. They are interrupted by cute little girl who asks Jude to dance and away they go to cut a very tiny rug.
Lena is outside and she is mad when Stef arrives with their wine. Lena says there’s not enough wine in the world to counteract the effects of her mother who has told her that she doesn’t know what it’s like to be a black woman. Stef scoffs and tells Lena that Dana is wrong. Lena says she wanted to have the big party because she has spent her whole life trying to find a place to belong and, in the grand tradition of parents, is trying to address her own wounds through her daughter. Stef tells her that she knows where she belongs and Lena starts tearing up. Stef says hey, this is Mariana’s party but you can cry if you want to, and it breaks the tension. They laugh like nerds and drink their wine.
Brandon walks out and looks at Callie. She clearly assumes from his look that Talya has spilled the beans about Godot, but before they can talk the moms have something to say to Mariana and Jesus. They show a slideshow of pictures. The moms get teary and the kids get teary. When it ends, they give Jesus a skateboard because nothing says equal treatment for a wedding-sized party like a skateboard. Before they can cut the cake, out comes a mariachi band. They take one big family picture with Callie and Jude included. Callie asks what happened to Talya and Brandon says that he left and that no, he’s not OK.
Mike drinks his drink as he gazes longingly at the family he wishes he had. Brandon and Callie have a moment about Talya. He says he didn’t want to know what was in Callie’s journal because he already knows everything he needs to know about her. Dude, I know your mom is a lesbian but jeez, you might want a date or two before you bring your foster sibling, incest, UHaul out of storage. She, smartly, walks away before they make out. He goes after her but gets ambushed by his drunk dad who hugs him and hangs on him like a girl after a few too many games of pong. Mike says he wishes he could do it all over again so he would be in one of those slideshow montages of family moments instead of alone in his condo. Brandon says he’ll drive Mike home. Meanwhile Callie heads to the beach and stumbles across Wyatt, who makes a rude comment about her dress. We know he’s trouble because someone hands Callie a beer, right out in the open. Danger, Paige McCullers, danger!
Mariana apologizes to the moms for not dancing with them and for being a selfish brat. The moms hug her and tell her that they love her even though she is the Percy-est Weasley of the bunch. Mariana cries and tells them that she should have danced with them and they all go back in and have a nice awkward, three person, dance.
Next week, the moms are talking about sex, baby. Until then, let’s chat about this episode, shall we?