“The Fosters” recap (1.04): Cry if you want to

The next day, Lena is in the kitchen looking amazing in a white tuxedo-inspired get up. Stef walks into the kitchen in a green dress that’s cut low enough to be interesting but high enough to qualify as mom appropriate. Stef purrs that she and Lena should dress up for each other more often. This is the first glimpse we’ve gotten of the lusty side of the moms. Look, if this were Bette and Tina they would have ripped each other’s clothes off and made good use of the lovely, sturdy kitchen table. But in the land of parents-pay-slightly-more-attention-to-their-kids-than-the-Dursleys, this is the reality of being a parent. You wish you could freeze time but life gets in the way so you have to store up these little moments of noticing just how hot your wife is and access them later.

But while Stef tries to give Lena a kiss, and a little something to think about during the party, Lena’s too busy checking her phone because she wants to be sure everything is just perfect for Mariana. Stef knows the only thing Mariana cares about is being the center of attention. Accurate.

“Lena this is exactly how all of us look at the sight of you in that tux.”

Dana walks down the stairs and proclaims it a miracle for any black woman to be able to do her hair in fifteen minutes. She then tells Lena she’s lucky not to have that problem and fusses Lena’s perfect hair. Lena bristles at the suggestion that she just rolls out of bed looking that flawless. Lena, if you need a witness I would be happy to see precisely what you look like first thing in the morning. You know, for science. Stef picks up a tray of goodie bags and races out of the room.

Stef runs into Brandon and ask him to take some goodie bags out to the car. While he is picking them up, Cinderella walks down the stairs and Brandon gets zapped by the magic of a dress, some shoes, and a little make-up. He can barely tell Callie how nice she looks with his jaw is so slack. I love a good tomboy-gets-pretty storyline. Hell, there was a time when I practically lived for them, but now they simply confirm what I already thought in high school. Straight boys (at least the ones in movies) are morons. The lesbians realized Callie was adorable and pretty and smart and funny without the flashing neon of a makeover. Catch up, boys.

Talya walks in and sees her boyfriend swooning over Callie and scowls and marks her territory. Once Brandon leaves, Talya Regina Georges all over Callie and it’s gross and ridiculous. She tells Callie that it sure is nice for Mariana to pity pick her for the court since she and Jude won’t be there very long, especially since if Stef and Lena knew about Liam they wouldn’t be thrilled to keep Callie around. Jude walks in and perches like tiny Yoda.

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