Jesus and Lexi agree to tell Mariana about their relationship after the party he walks out of one of the fourteen doors to the bathroom. He pops into his room just in time to see Stef come in. She thanks Jude for massacring the cucumbers and thanks Jesus for pretending to give a crap about his sister’s party. When Stef leaves, Jude is just sitting there, staring at Jesus like some tiny, all-knowing Yoda.
On her way to bed, Stef stops by Mariana’s room and says “you’re not embarrassed to dance with your two gay moms at your party, are you?” Stef’s face is kind of sad as she goes from confident that Lena is wrong to hurt that Mariana can’t deny being embarrassed. The idea of your identity and the ways you are different being a burden for your kids is something you worry about as a parent. But you never imagine the way that their shame or embarrassment of who you are will tear at your heart.
Callie is engaging in the time-honored tradition of eating lunch by herself when down the steps bops Wyatt. His hair is flowing, his denim shirt screams “Donna Martin graduates,” and he opens with “so the food here is so much better than Shawshank, isn’t it?” Because she’s Callie, and not interested in laughing at lame jokes to pad any boy’s ego, she calls him on the idiocy of that opening line. He tries a couple more equally stupid remarks before inviting her to a get together on the beach under the pier where he will definitely, maybe not murder her. Too bad she’s got that quinceañera thing otherwise she would be happy to get killed Saturday night.
Next up we’re at the dance studio and Penny is prancing around telling Johnny and Baby they have to get closer if they want to sell the dance. Callie places her hand on Brandon’s shoulder and he puts a hand on her waist and Talya throws a chair across the room. Penny tells Baby to look into Johnny’s eyes and then fireworks explode (but not in the blinding Jenna way) and an anvil falls on Callie’s head and she realizes that she loves Brandon because he’s tall and plays piano and looks so foxy in his cardigans. What? She watched a lot of Mr. Rogers growing up. You can’t help what turns you on.
Back home, Stef is wearing a… sweater set? She bounces up the steps at the sound of the doorbell and we meet Lena’s mom, Dana, who swoops in and tells Lena that her skin looks good but that she needs some more sun. Stef kisses Lena and tells her that she’s gorgeous and that skin cancer is a thing and so sunscreen all around. The twins come down the stairs to say hi to grandma who says their grandfather is stuck in Paris. Mariana, who is about to have a very expensive party thrown in her honor, whines that she wishes she were stuck in Paris and we all say WE DO TOO! Gram introduces herself to Callie and Jude and is the picture of doting, adorable, and loving. Lena and Stef hang back for a moment and Stef has to pull Lena by the hand to follow Gram and the gang into the next room.