“The Fosters” recap (1.03): Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the guiltiest of all?


Callie is in Timothy’s class, where Timothy is sporting his best hockey hair and playoff beard for the Stanley Cup finals. They are chatting about The Stranger and guilt. Timothy thinks that everyone has a story inside her and wants everyone to get to journalling about their own brand of guilt. He stresses that no one is going to see what they have written in their totally top secret, personal, impenetrable composition notebooks. Of course, this means that it will be posted online in 3…2…1. Callie is aghast at the notion of writing longhand because for a girl with three shirts and no cell phone she sure is used to having access to all the best computer technology. She ends class by making eyes at a Shane McCutcheon type dude named Wyatt.

“Hey girl, stop by my air duct any time. You can leave a message with Caleb if I’m not around.”

On the beach, Jesus plays volleyball. God is his setter, apparently. He spots Lexi and sends the ball flying her direction like a regular Zach Morris. Mariana watches their interaction because she’s sitting off the the side keeping a close eye on Lexi in her short-shorts and tight t-shirt too. Jesus tells Lexi to meet him on the beach the next day when he sneaks out of detention to go to the bathroom. Lena interrupts this charming moment of teen awkwardness by yelling “Foster!” across the sand. She storms over to Jesus, blazer sleeves rolled up like she takes fashion tips from Callie Torres. She reminds Jesus that he’s on detention which means no activities, no sports, no fun because of the whole handing out his psych meds to his classmates. Her tone is borrowed from Boys on the Side and I can almost hear her saying “you hit him in the head with a baseball bat.”

Remember the time when they played basketball on The L Word? Remember how it was the worst athletic display in the history of the world? Yeah, well the next scene is a close second. Brandon, the piano whiz, is at the batting cages with Mike showing exactly why he’s trying for a music scholarship and not being recruited to play baseball. Yikes. While Brandon is busy not hitting the ball he’s bitching about the living conditions Chez Lez. Mike suggests that maybe Brandon might like to come live with him for a while. Mike wants to make up for lost time before Brandon spreads his little wings and goes to whatever college all the 90210 kids went to right up the road. Remember last week when Mike got all worked up about not being consulted on Brandon’s punishment? Of course you do, you can remember lots of things. But Mike clearly doesn’t.

Mariana and Jesus are doing the dishes and Mariana asks Jesus if there is a girl he likes because she thinks they might have the same taste in the ladies. Jesus says no, of course not, he would never like or make out with any of Mariana’s lame friends. Mariana doesn’t look like she believes him because she’s certainly thought about kissing Lexi.

Lena is breaking the news to Jude and Callie about the test he’s going to have to take at the end of the week. Callie has zero confidence in the tyke, but Lena has a plan. She’s put together a study package and she’s going to sit with little Epic and make sure that she gets the 65 she needs to stay.

Stef and Lena and little Jude are sitting at the table. Lena’s helping Jude with his fractions and Stef’s got her serious glasses on while she balances her checkbook. Brandon comes in and Stef asks how the batting cages were, like she doesn’t know her poor baby struck the hell out. He seems a little more unhappy with his lack of athletic prowess than usual, so Lena sends Jude to his room. Brandon tells Stef and Lena that Mike asked him to move in. Stef says well I really think he should have talked to me before renting a UHaul but don’t sweat it, I’ll talk to your dad about the irony of this move after he pitched a fit over us not grounding you last week. And then it gets interesting. Brandon tells Stef that he is going to think about it and her face flutters as she tries to compose herself. As she feels the control slipping she tells him that he’s sixteen and doesn’t exactly have a say in the matter. He gets angrier and asks when he did he ever get a say. He didn’t choose to have her divorce his dad or to have two moms. That creeping feeling of guilty that lives in the back of her mind awakens and she growls that he was five when all of that happened and that should watch it and stop being disrespectful. He claims that she always shuts down conversation when someone doesn’t agree with her before storming out of the house. She yells for him to come back before Lena intervenes and tells Stef that they both need to cool down.

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