“The Fosters” recap (1.01): “So you’re dykes?”

 
 

Back at the HGTV dream home, Callie’s sitting at the table, while Jesus and his twin sister Mariana are setting the table for dinner. Lena tries to spark a conversation by telling Callie that the twins were adopted out of the foster care system five years ago. Jesus asks Callie about the cuts on her face before Lena steps in and tells him to cool it with the questions. Callie makes a break for the loo and Mariana pounces. She wants to know everything about Callie and what she’s doing in their beautiful kitchen.

Lena says she was talking to Bill and it turns out he was in a bind with Callie and it’s just for a few weeks, right? Mariana is suspicious and rightfully so, because Lena was actually talking to Bill about setting up a meeting between the twins and Ana, their birth mother. Lena is confused when Mariana isn’t excited about the meeting since it’s all she has been yammering on about for the last six months. She does the mom thing and blames Jesus, who isn’t interested in meeting mom number three, but he swears he had nothing to do with talking her out of the idea.

Callie’s trying to hold it together in the bathroom, running water to cover the sound of her crying, and splashing cold water on her face to hide the tears. She returns to the table in time to hear Lena bugging the twins about doing their homework. Mariana rats her brother out for not doing his and he whines about it being so much easier for her. In walks the piano man and Lena wants to know how the audition went. They all freak out when he says he made the finals.

Callie slumps onto her stool and Brandon wants to know who this delicate flower is. Lena says “This is Callie, and she’ll be staying with us for a while.” Brandon takes this as I would my mother telling me that she invited a couple randoms for Thanksgiving. Callie breaks up this touching moment by asking how they got Brandon and whether he came from the 99 cent store. Lena completes the expository portion of the evening by explaining that Brandon is her partner’s son from a prior relationship. On cue, in comes Stef with her cop swagger, plants a kiss on Lena, and grabs a brew from the fridge. Jesus enjoys the moment and cracks “What, no one told you my mom’s a cop?” Mariana is less amused claiming that “this” is the reason no boys ever come over. Oh girl, if the boys from school won’t come over to see you it’s not because your hot moms kiss in front of them, it’s you.

Callie, ever the wordsmith, says “So you’re dykes” as Stef takes a swig of her beer (from the can) and leans on the table. Callie goes on to point at Brandon and completes the insensitivity triathlon with “And he’s the real son.” Stef laughs, turns to Lena, and asks, “Who’s this?”

Like every parenting duo with kids old enough to spell, Stef and Lena have to head outdoors to have a discussion about the do’s and don’ts of bringing home stray children. Lena’s all, you weren’t answering your phone and Stef’s all you could have given me a heads up. You know something like, we need half and half and oh right I got us another kid. Stef wants to know what happened to Callie’s face (Team Jesus) and Lena says well it’s a thing they do in juvie. Stef doesn’t like the sound of that and Lena softens her up with her perfect face and by saying that she would have made the same choice if she could have seen Callie’s face. Lena knows this for a proven fact because sad McCullers is a particular weakness for Stef. Stef caves and asks Lena not to collect any more babies because they aren’t The Brady Bunch. We know. You’re The Gaydy Bunch and we love you for it, you adorable moms.


“Tim Riggins? You brought home Tim Riggins?”

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