Hot cop boss lady is back and she’s pissed but also really hot. She asks what the hell happened and Mike takes the blame and Stef tries to cover for him but boss lady sends him out of the room. She asks Stef what’s up with Mike and if he is drinking again. We don’t see Stef’s answer, but we get Mike screaming at her about not having his back. He’s no longer her partner because he’ll be on desk duty. She says she didn’t rat on him , she just didn’t lie to cover for him.
Back at school, the guys who took video of drunk Talya at Wyatt’s occupy my childhood home party play it in front of the class. Talya runs out, Brandon takes the video down, and Callie tells Talya that everything will be okay. Callie, I’ve heard this speech before. It sounded better in Hugh Grant’s British accent, but the whole “today’s news will line tomorrow’s waste paper bins” isn’t all that comforting for a chick whose boobs were just on the overhead projector.
Because of Mike, Stef is late to dinner with Lena and her ex, Gretchen (played by the stunning Necar Zadegan). Gretchen is a little too smooth for my taste. She’s bold in the ways we’re used to seeing Stef and Lena be quiet with each other, all soft words and gentle moments of calm between kid chaos, Gretchen’s gestures are a little too big, her voice a little too loud, her presence a little too pushy. Stef shows up in uniform and apologizes to Lena for being late and not having changed her clothes. Gretchen flirts with Stef about how she likes a lady in uniform and then compliments Stef’s drink of choice while Stef strips off her uniform so that she can drink her dirty martini. Seriously, that all happened.
Gretchen spends the meal half flirting with Stef, and half regaling her with stories designed to show all the things she knows about Lena from their relationship. Stef laughs at the stories she hasn’t heard before and Lena gets uncomfortable with her life being displayed for sport.
Back at home, Brandon is all full of puritanical ideas about Talya and her boobs and what she was doing getting drunk and Callie adjusts his attitude for him. She tells him that Talya was getting drunk because she realized she was wrong and was upset and that maybe he should stop being a dick to her and try to be a good friend. It’s like when Jude’s away all his mystical Yoda powers transfer to his sister.
After another round of let’s make Lena squirm (but not in a wanky way), including a discussion of how much Lena hates guns and is nervous about Stef’s job, Gretchen asks if Stef has ever shot anyone and Stef says no. Come on, people. You can’t go around jinxing stuff like that. Stef and Gretchen both reach for the check. Gretchen wins the battle of the tops this time and pays, but Stef invites her to have dinner with them the next night. Lena gives Stef “the look” but to no avail. More lesbian awkwardness ahead!
Jesus is full of good ideas for helping out Ana. He’s found a shelter and Sarah McLachlan herself will take care of Ana and it’s perfect and Mariana shuts him down. She tells him that she’s learned that all Ana wants is money from them and that he shouldn’t get sucked in by her sad eyes and talk of DNA and blood ties.
The gang of lesbos stands around waiting for their cars to show up. Lena is not pleased about this turn of events. She is pissed Stef invited Gretchen over for another round of embarrassing stories. Stef tries to make light of the situation because isn’t threatened by Gretchen playing “I kissed her first” because Stef knows she kisses Lena now. Lena storms off in her car and sticks Stef with paying for the valet service for both of them. Yeah Stef, you really are going to be paying for a while.