“The Fosters” recap (1.8): Kiss her goodbye

Callie returns a book to Wyatt and tries to talk to him, but apparently his hair is blocking his ears because he’s kind of bitchy to her.  Buddy, I like you.  I like that you’re kind of snarky.  I like that Callie dating you won’t make her homeless, but as long as you are a terrible listener who spooks Callie when she’s trying to work up to telling you about the time that her foster brother raped her you’re going on the shit list.  Buddy, you have to up your game.  Your competition, Brandon, listens like he was raised by a couple of “open lines of communication are the only way to go” lesbians.  Next, Talya sidles up to Brandon to give him tickets she bought for a concert before they broke up.  He refuses to take them because they’re broken up and he’s still kind of mad that she was a dick to Callie. Finally, Lexi finds Jesus (the kid, not the son of god), and he’s a little weird and can’t hang out, so she starts freaking out at girls do. Lexi, the problem isn’t you, it’s Ana.

scary dude

Speaking of Ana, Mariana and Jesus have taken a stroll to the neighborhood the gays will be gentrifying in a year or two. The house where Ana lives is a mess and so is she.  She cries at the sight of Jesus and hugs him so hard that I feel a little bad for her.  She asks them for money and they say no but she won’t let up.  A scary dude walks in, he looks a little like neck tattoo guy who was on Project Runway years ago, and scares the crap out of everyone.  Ana tells her spawn that she needs money because he’s scary and has drugs in the house and she just needs a bus ticket to San Francisco.  Mariana is all over her lies, but Jesus can’t help feeling sorry for Ana, even if she’s a lying con artist.

mike stef car

Mike is driving Miss Daisy around. Seeing Stef in the passenger seat is a little like watching a British TV show, why are the drivers sitting on the wrong side?  She’s asking why he looks like Riley when he was getting his rocks off having his blood sucked by some vampires.  Mike says oh it’s nothing, just taking extra shifts at the Alamo Freeze so I can pay for Grandma Saracen’s medicine.  Stef tries to ask him about his drinking but he’s saved by some guy blowing through a stop sign and they are in pursuit.  Stef talks cop into the radio and half the lesbians in America drop their pants right there (she’ll get the rest in a minute).  Mike barks at the guy to get out of the car and in the middle of cuffing the guy gets knocked to the ground.  Stef sprints after the guy, jumps a fence, parkours her way across half of San Diego (the good kind of parkour, not the Michael Scott, Dwight Schrute variety) and tackles the guy like she played rugby in college (and there go the rest of the lady pants across the nation).  Mike huffs into the picture about an hour later like Wesley Wyndham-Pryce.

bad ass stef

Stef, in her purple jersey T-shirt, makes her way to Brandon’s room where he’s practicing the piano.  She asks him about how Mike is doing. Brandon says that Mike is drinking again.  Stef wants to know what he means by “again” and Brandon says he heard them arguing before the divorce and that he knew Mike had a problem with drinking because once Mike drove off the road while Brandon was in the car.  Stef is shocked and concerned and wants to know why Brandon never said anything.  Brandon was too afraid Stef wouldn’t let him see his dad, so he kept quiet.  And magically Brandon has all the sadness he needs to play his piano with feeling.

stef brandon
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