“The Fosters” recap (1.20): “Icarus”

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Brandon apparently didn’t eat much of the tuna noodle casserole Dani made for dinner so she goes poking around to see what his problem is. He totally wants Callie and Jude to get adopted but it would be nice if they could have, after six foster homes, found a different one so his need to boink Callie could be met. Those selfish, motherless, bastards! On top of it all Wyatt is back with his hair and his lack of familial connection to Callie and Brandon is so mad. Dani, the biggest, most inappropriate Brallie shipper of them all, tells Brandon to confess his love and to aid his sweeping gesture she’s going to get Mike out of the house for a few hours so he and Callie can talk and wink, wink, nudge, nudge do whatever else. You, madam, are horrific. Please go away forever.

Meanwhile, Wyatt gets a text from Callie saying he can come back to school and she just needs to know where he’s staying. Turns out this beautiful hobo is staying in his car, by the beach. Hmm, tell me about how your life sucks, again Brandon? The next morning, Wyatt is washing his abs and glorious hair in an outdoor shower (you’re welcome gay dudes and teenie bopper girls). When he goes to get dressed he returns in time to see his car towed. Suck city, population: one hair model.

Mariana walks up to Zac, ready to ask him to the formal but he stops her and walks her to her locker where he has installed a mini door. Behind the door his a picture of him, dressed like James Bond. It’s was his mom’s idea to ask her which is not a thing most girls want to hear, but okay. She says yes because even his overly meddlesome, clinically unhinged mother isn’t enough to deter her.

Brandon walks through the halls to get to Callie and Vico nearly knocks him over with a well-placed shoulder. Callie asks what’s up and Brandon says, “Well he keyed my car and ran into me, so that’s obviously the big revenge he was plotting, right?” He asks her to meet him at Mike’s to, um, hear some music because that’s a normal sibling thing, right? She says well how about the music room at lunch? He scrambles to find a reason to get her to Mike’s and she agrees to come after group. Callie strolls through the halls and hears the announcement for Winter Ball Queen and, surprise!, she was nominated.

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Wyatt thinks Callie would make a great Queen but she wants to take her name off the ballot. He says she should own the nomination and turn the joke around. Nice sentiment, but does no one ever watch teen movies? She asks for a ride to group so he has to spill that his car got towed and that he was living in it since his friend’s parents wouldn’t take him in. A kid who doesn’t lie? Am I hallucinating?

Brandon is playing the piano and singing “Callie’s Song.” He sings about his only crime being love. Actually, dude, you felonious actions go way beyond loving your soon to be sister. Callie texts him and cancels because Wyatt is legitimately homeless and Brandon is so mad that he won’t listen to him try to woo her (again) so she can say no (again) that he throws his phone across the room.

Callie is busy asking Daphne to take Wyatt in for a few days. Daphne doesn’t like it but she relents and offers Wyatt some soup and some chips from her BEAUTIFUL LUNCHABLES.  He wants to know how Daphne and Callie met and Daphne tells him they met when she beat the ever living crap out of her in juvie. Welcome home, Wyatt, don’t get too comfortable.

Back in the great lesbian kitchen, Callie is informing everyone she doesn’t want to go to the stupid dance or be on the stupid ballot because it’s all just a stupid joke. Mariana is all”why won’t people make me the butt of their jokes?” Check her for a head injury, moms, because last week she was the butt of all the panty jokes. Stef and Lena are all for Callie going to show just how happy and invested she is in her school because popularity is a super important on her P.O.’s report. Lena tells a story about how she used to get called “Oreo” at school and that when they found out she was a lesbian they called her a “Klondyke.” Stef and Jesus snort, because it’s awful but kind of funny, too. Lena, gives Stef a look, and continues with the story of how she brought one hundred Klondikes to school and handed them out. No one ever made fun of her again. She’s all about rising above, and thinks Callie should too. Just remember, moms, this whole thing was your stupid idea, okay?

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At the dance Wyatt is serving punch and thanks Callie for getting him the gig so he can afford to get his car back. He’s curious about why Callie is still on the ballot and she tells him this is her  rising above. Oh our little Icarus, I am sure all this rising above will end just fine. Lena is trying to explain the incredibly intricate voting system to Zac’s mom who is all “I love lesbians, I’m a liberal, how fucked up was voting Florida in 2000?” Lena backs away slowly while Mrs. Rogers high fives her and yells, “Hanging Chads!” Principal Sanchez doesn’t like that Callie isn’t dancing. Mandatory fun, people! Lena, who has her brain consumed by either baby hormones or zombies, comes up with the bright plan of having Brandon dance with Callie. Seriously, has anyone checked the closets to be sure the real Lena isn’t bound and gagged?

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Jesus bitches to Emma about her date and she says, “Well, I sure as hell have done worse.” Emma really is the best. Brandon stomps up to Callie and says “Mom says I have to dance with you.” Which is one of the more brother-sister things we’ve seen so far. Callie leaves her purse unattended and follows him to the dance floor. Drunk black guy tells Callie he voted for her and all the way to the dance floor Callie’s spidey sense is going off like the Swiss Family Robinson pirate alarms. While they walk three miles to the dance floor, Emma’s date disappears into a bathroom stall with a couple of other guys (very Brian Kinney of him) and they pass around some booze and toast Callie.

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