Back in the land of teenage idiocy, Lexi and Jesus are taking advantage of the wedding chaos to fool around in his room. Poor Judicorn got sexiled! She asks him if he wants to have sex again because apparently she has amnesia about running away because her parents wanted to send her to boarding school as punishment for the last time they had sex. Jesus says he feels like this is a test and weren’t they not going to have sex again for a while? She says she just wants to feel close to him. She stomps off when he doesn’t immediately switch gears to sexytimes with chaperones downstairs.
Meanwhile, downstairs Stef, Lena, and Callie are meeting with the D.A. (played by a serial killer from Bones). He’s breaking the news that the case against Liam is never going to get to trial. It’s just Callie’s word against Liam’s and with her record no one is going to believe her. Then he tells them that if the sex had been consensual, however, it would be statutory rape and Liam would go to jail for up to a year. Stef’s mom hackles fly up at the mere suggestion that the sex was consensual. Callie says, what the fuck is this nonsense? No one would believe that Mr. Roid Rage forced her to have sex but they would believe the lie that she wanted to have sex with him and he could go to jail for that?
Mike pulls up to the lesbian wedding of his ex-wife in his midlife crisis Mustang filled with tables. It’s possible he has some feelings about a lot of things. Maybe he could take a class in processing from the Ezbians. Stef can apparently detect the smell manual labor from a mile away and comes running out to help. Mike tells her what Lena and her mom have been saying, she gets to supervise, nothing else. Mike’s still not back at work because Ana said that her boyfriend had dropped the gun and had his hands up to surrender. Stef says, well that’s just not true, he didn’t have his hands up. Mike’s confused since Stef told the internal affairs guys that she didn’t remember anything. She says she didn’t want to contradict Mike’s statement and he’s hurt that she thought he might lie. She says the guy dropped the gun but Mike came into a situation where he heard shots, saw Stef lying on the ground and did the right thing. Mike wants to know if Stef is sure, his face falls, he braces himself against one of the tables. His clean shoot has just become him shooting an unarmed man. Stef offers to go to Captain Roberts and change her statement. Mike loses it and tells her she can’t do that because they’ll think she’s lying to cover for him or that she was lying before and she’ll lose her job. She has a family to worry about and can’t do anything that might risk losing her job. She grabs a table top, slings it over her shoulder and starts walking away. Mike tells her she’s not supposed to be lifting it and she snaps “I’m not letting you do everything Mike.”
Callie is lying on her bed, on her stomach with her feet in the air, propped up on her elbows, as only kids on tv do, when Brandon stops by. He asks her how the meeting with the ADA went and when she says no one will believe her he tells her, oh it will be fine, I’m sure it will work out. She tells him to stuff it because she doesn’t live in the magical land where things work out and that they told her that the only way anyone will believe her is if she lies.
Lena’s down in the kitchen (god I wish that was a euphemism), Stef walks in with Lena’s parents. Lena is thrilled to see her dad, The Reverend Adams, and Mama Adams who tells Lena she looks tired. If that’s tired, then my brain my break at the sight of her well rested. Stef asks who wants wine and Lena says she’d like hers in a punch bowl with a straw, thank you very much. Papa Adams says that Lena’s mom was doing more than her share of backseat driving, which we can only imagine is not the same kind of backseat “driving” Stef and Lena did after the poetry slam. Sharon bombs in, cute as a bug, and Stef asks where’s she’s been. She’s been shopping for just the right mother of the bride outfit, dontcha know. She also picked up a little something for Stef to wear for the ceremony. Stef inhales the breath of every child who has fought her mother a million times over clothes. “I already know what I’m wearing for the ceremony, mom.” “Don’t just dismiss it before you see it, Stefanie.” Oh lord it’s like my life on television, people. She also drops in that she stopped by Stef’s dad’s house and got that situation sorted out too. When she asks for wine, Stef gives up her glass and Lena sweetly hands her another, already filled and they exchange the look of children barely tolerating the parent induced chaos and stress.
Reverend Camden asks if they have written their vows and Stef says “oh we’re not doing vows” as Lena says “yep” with a big grin on her face. He says without vows it’s just a bunch of people staring at you for no reason and Stef balks but agrees that he has a good point and maybe we can all just drink a bunch of wine and forget about the whole thing? Lena’s mom thinks that the brides have way too much to do so they should let the moms take care of things and just relax. Stef and Lena laugh because they haven’t relaxed ever but they give the moms the flowers and decorations job to get them out of their gorgeous hair.