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“The Fosters” recap (1.10): “She Keeps Me Warm”

Previously on The Fosters, Stef proposed to Lena, Jude returned from Out of Town, and we all wished that we could have thirty-seven more episodes just about the early days of Lena and Stef’s relationship.

To shake things up this episode we’re starting in, oh hell, we’re starting in the kitchen. Jesus has been pressed into silver polishing duties. Welcome to every holiday at our house, kid. If you want to get out of you can try my brothers’ trick, go to the bathroom and don’t come back until it’s all done. Stef’s mom, the incomparable Annie Potts, tells Jesus to shove it and Stef wanders in carrying a large box. Lena flips because Stef had, you know, a bullet in her gut (or chest, it was a migrating bullet) the last time we saw her and for once should leave the heavy lifting to other people. Stef stomps over to the coffee pot and grumbles about going nuts from inactivity. I can think of an excellent way to combat inactivity, it’s a two person activity, you should ask Lena to join you, Stef. Stef’s mom wants to know when she’s going back to work. Stef glances at Lena and says “oh when I get cleared…we’re not sure” and Lena glides over and says that all Stef needs to worry about is walking down the aisle. Stef says “and we’re not even doing that?” Lena’s gives Stef an indulgent look that says “you got shot and I’m high on silver polish fumes, so I’ll let it slide this time.” Stef apparently missed the look. Annie Potts is aghast. How could you possibly be getting married without walking down the aisle or having your fathers give you away? This reminds me of my wedding when my mom got all worked up about the ushers being male because of tradition. She was not persuaded by my “tradition? There’s no groom, mother.” argument.

Stef really winds up for this pitch. How silly to have two brides walk down the aisle, there’d be no one waiting. Ha! Oh and why are we being given away and to whom are we being given. It’s just so silly this matrimony stuff. Lena takes her next look up a notch and says “I’m not sure it’s silly, but it’s not really us.” Stef, you may have gotten shot a couple weeks ago but it’s not going to get you out of trouble forever. Annie knows, and she gives the mom look. Don’t propose and then be a dick about the wedding, Stef. Stef tries to clear a cereal bowl and gets shooed away by her mom. Lena cracks that she’s not the only one who gets tense around her mom (there are proven methods for relieving tension, ladies) and Stef admits that she’s more nervous about the conversation they have to have with Callie. Callie bounces down the steps and they ask to talk to her about Liam.

At Anchors Aweigh charter school for the gifted and lesbian parented, Wyatt hops over to chat with Callie about how lame it is that Brandon and Talya are back together. Oh and another thing, he’s moving to Indiana because when they lost the house his mom thought maybe not being homeless would be a good plan. So pack your UHaul and point it East. Hoosiers ho! He’s driving their car to the midwest on Sunday. Callie tells the Flying Tomato that it sucks and she’ll miss him and they have a weird lingering cheek kiss.

Talya is roping Brandon into a very exciting adventure to the mall to pick out a wedding gift for his moms. She says, “candlesticks always make a nice gift” and he agrees, then peels off to go to talk to Callie who is looking sad on a bench. Talya say Brandon should invite her to Registries R Us because nothing helps a case of the Mondays like a third wheel shopping trip. He sits down and she tells him that while his girlfriend is worrying about picking out a chafing dish for his mothers, she needs to decide what to do with the pretrial hearing for man who raped her. The moms told her it would come down to her word against his and those things never go her way. Isn’t enough that Sarah is safe? Brandon puts on his Ross Gellar pouty face and says what she did for Sarah was great but that doesn’t she deserve a little justice too? And this one goes out to all the ladies who love a lady in a tank top. Stef has her shirt pulled up and is checking out her migrating bullet wound in the mirror. Lena walks in a pauses as she sees it in the mirror then apologizes for making Stef self-conscious. Stef says she’s not self-conscious, she’s not the one who is bothered by the scar. Lena says it’s not that she’s bothered it just a constant reminder of her near death and being left to raise five unruly teens on her own. Lena is not thrilled that Stef will be going back to work soon but Stef says she can’t stay home forever, love. It’s a sweetly tense scene but I have to admit being a bit distracted by these gorgeous ladies in their tanks. Annie Potts is giving Stef’s dad shit about the wallpaper in his kitchen. While she’s throwing out dead plants and cleaning up his mess, she drops some gossip about Ezra Fitz loving his student so hard that he took a bat to the car of a boy who dared smear her name. She segues into telling him that Lena’s dad got ordained by the internet Church of Vanderjesus and how different the world is now that anyone can get ordained and save you the trip to Vegas. Yes, the world has changed and gays can get married now but not in Vegas because of, you know, moral reasons. She steamrolls on about how everyone is so excited about it and so glad that he’ll be there. You are coming aren’t you? She tells him that he better get over whatever bullshit it holding him back from RSVPing to his only daughter’s wedding because if he doesn’t he may lose her for good, which, hello have you see the wound in her, let’s just say torso to be safe, from the gunshot that nearly killed her a month ago? She tells him, put on a nice shirt and get his saggy ass to the wedding. She storms out with so much sass and fire and I love her so much.

Back in the land of teenage idiocy, Lexi and Jesus are taking advantage of the wedding chaos to fool around in his room. Poor Judicorn got sexiled! She asks him if he wants to have sex again because apparently she has amnesia about running away because her parents wanted to send her to boarding school as punishment for the last time they had sex. Jesus says he feels like this is a test and weren’t they not going to have sex again for a while? She says she just wants to feel close to him. She stomps off when he doesn’t immediately switch gears to sexytimes with chaperones downstairs.

Meanwhile, downstairs Stef, Lena, and Callie are meeting with the D.A. (played by a serial killer from Bones). He’s breaking the news that the case against Liam is never going to get to trial. It’s just Callie’s word against Liam’s and with her record no one is going to believe her. Then he tells them that if the sex had been consensual, however, it would be statutory rape and Liam would go to jail for up to a year. Stef’s mom hackles fly up at the mere suggestion that the sex was consensual. Callie says, what the fuck is this nonsense? No one would believe that Mr. Roid Rage forced her to have sex but they would believe the lie that she wanted to have sex with him and he could go to jail for that? Mike pulls up to the lesbian wedding of his ex-wife in his midlife crisis Mustang filled with tables. It’s possible he has some feelings about a lot of things. Maybe he could take a class in processing from the Ezbians. Stef can apparently detect the smell manual labor from a mile away and comes running out to help. Mike tells her what Lena and her mom have been saying, she gets to supervise, nothing else. Mike’s still not back at work because Ana said that her boyfriend had dropped the gun and had his hands up to surrender. Stef says, well that’s just not true, he didn’t have his hands up. Mike’s confused since Stef told the internal affairs guys that she didn’t remember anything. She says she didn’t want to contradict Mike’s statement and he’s hurt that she thought he might lie. She says the guy dropped the gun but Mike came into a situation where he heard shots, saw Stef lying on the ground and did the right thing. Mike wants to know if Stef is sure, his face falls, he braces himself against one of the tables. His clean shoot has just become him shooting an unarmed man. Stef offers to go to Captain Roberts and change her statement. Mike loses it and tells her she can’t do that because they’ll think she’s lying to cover for him or that she was lying before and she’ll lose her job. She has a family to worry about and can’t do anything that might risk losing her job. She grabs a table top, slings it over her shoulder and starts walking away. Mike tells her she’s not supposed to be lifting it and she snaps “I’m not letting you do everything Mike.” Callie is lying on her bed, on her stomach with her feet in the air, propped up on her elbows, as only kids on tv do, when Brandon stops by. He asks her how the meeting with the ADA went and when she says no one will believe her he tells her, oh it will be fine, I’m sure it will work out. She tells him to stuff it because she doesn’t live in the magical land where things work out and that they told her that the only way anyone will believe her is if she lies.

Lena’s down in the kitchen (god I wish that was a euphemism), Stef walks in with Lena’s parents. Lena is thrilled to see her dad, The Reverend Adams, and Mama Adams who tells Lena she looks tired. If that’s tired, then my brain my break at the sight of her well rested. Stef asks who wants wine and Lena says she’d like hers in a punch bowl with a straw, thank you very much. Papa Adams says that Lena’s mom was doing more than her share of backseat driving, which we can only imagine is not the same kind of backseat “driving” Stef and Lena did after the poetry slam. Sharon bombs in, cute as a bug, and Stef asks where’s she’s been. She’s been shopping for just the right mother of the bride outfit, dontcha know. She also picked up a little something for Stef to wear for the ceremony. Stef inhales the breath of every child who has fought her mother a million times over clothes. “I already know what I’m wearing for the ceremony, mom.” “Don’t just dismiss it before you see it, Stefanie.” Oh lord it’s like my life on television, people. She also drops in that she stopped by Stef’s dad’s house and got that situation sorted out too. When she asks for wine, Stef gives up her glass and Lena sweetly hands her another, already filled and they exchange the look of children barely tolerating the parent induced chaos and stress. Reverend Camden asks if they have written their vows and Stef says “oh we’re not doing vows” as Lena says “yep” with a big grin on her face. He says without vows it’s just a bunch of people staring at you for no reason and Stef balks but agrees that he has a good point and maybe we can all just drink a bunch of wine and forget about the whole thing? Lena’s mom thinks that the brides have way too much to do so they should let the moms take care of things and just relax. Stef and Lena laugh because they haven’t relaxed ever but they give the moms the flowers and decorations job to get them out of their gorgeous hair.

Mariana sits up in bed to talk to Callie. She tells her I have no idea what you’re going through but I do know a lot about lying. I’ve watched this show about these four girls and they lie a lot and it seems to get them into trouble with their text message provider. It’s hard to keep track of all the lies and then one of them, you might have heard, she killed a guy. Whatever. You do you, and whatnot but lying is hard. Whatever you want to do, Callie, we’ve got your back but if you could just put the bastard away that would be super. The next day at the hearing the lawyer is asking all sorts of questions and trying to get Callie to lie which is cool, suborning perjury is totes fine, but Callie’s not having it. Voldemort is back goddamn it and if that means dealing with Umbridge and her cruel torture devices, and snickers from her classmates who believe the shit the Ministry is putting in the Daily Prophet, well fuck ’em because she may have the attitude of a mini-McCullers, and the impossibly large, doe eyes of Aria Montgomery, but she isn’t here to lie. She tells the DA that maybe he thinks all she deserves is for Liam to be found guilty on a technicality but that to do that she would have to give away all she has left, the truth. Lena and Stef are sitting in the gallery and look heartbroken by the proceedings but at the last second Stef breaks into a tiny, proud, smile. Back at the Foster-Adams house of wedding chaos, Callie is playing “Joe Lies” on her guitar on the front porch as Stef and Lena head out to unload their car. Lena doesn’t feel right going through with their wedding plans after what Callie went through in court but Stef assures her that Callie is happy for the distraction. Lena, ever the optimist, was so sure that things were going to go differently in court and wishes Callie would just get a break once instead of being reduced to the information in her file.

Mariana is talking with Lexi who is super bummed about having to go back to Honduras because her grandmother is sick. Mariana wants to know how she can do that if she’s undocumented and Lexi is like, “no worries, my dad got a cabinet at Borgin and Burkes and we just slip in and slip out. It’s the Tea Party’s biggest fear, the immigration vanishing cabinet.”

The mothers of the brides are bickering over the flowers. Stef’s mom wants festive, colorful flowers, and Lena’s mom wants elegant, sophisticated ones. Lena walks in just as Annie Potts says “stick up your ass” and that’s about all you need to know about this perfect scene. Weddings make people batshit crazy, folks. Sharon leaves, Dana tells Lena that Mrs. Weasley is nice and all but she doesn’t have the best taste. I mean she’s not even a tiny bit veela. Lena tells her mom that it’s just flowers and maybe they could chill out. Dana gets huffy because Lena isn’t properly grateful for all her hard work on the very important gerber daisy vs calla lily debate. Meanwhile, upstairs Sharon is bitching to her daughter about calla lilies which are clearly a funeral flower and who does Dana think she is? Stef looks like she would like to be anywhere else on the planet. Her mom presses on and asks Stef to wear the dress she picked out for her. Stef tells her mom that she is going to wear pants and her mother can’t imagine such a choice. Stef pulls out the “it’s my wedding for Pete’s sake, don’t I get to decide” argument. True fact, a few weeks before our wedding one of my wife’s best family friends (who officiated our wedding) told us “you think this day is about you, HA! you two are replaceable. We can get anyone to stand up there.” He was only half kidding but a hundred percent right. Stef says her mom told her she was going to take care of the flowers so she should do that already. She just wants to wedding to come so they can stop talking about it already.

Lena walks in and says “it’s not just me, right, they’re crazy, right?” No it isn’t just you, Stef says, and by the way thanks for not being crazy. This is a wonderful side effect of weddings, everyone drives you so up the wall that you have no choice but to become closer with your fiancee. It’s you against the crazy. Then Stef really steps in it when she says “All of this fuss over a stupid wedding.” Walk it back Stef, walk it back. Oh dear. Lena says is there a reason you, who proposed to me, are being such a dick about our wedding? If you think it’s so stupid maybe we should call it off. Oh Stef, girl, I can’t help you with this one. Stef arrives at her dad’s house and kind of hovers by the door. She tells him she’s sorry that her mom forced him to agree to come to the wedding and that she didn’t want that. She digs her hands into her pocket. I’ve been really embarrassed about the wedding she tells him. She hasn’t been able to enjoy a second of it because she keeps hearing a voice in her head that tells her that there’s something wrong with two women getting married, standing up in front of friends and family, and promising to love each other. She breaks down, not understanding how she can love Lena and their family and their life together and be so ashamed to put that out in the world for others to see. But she realized that the voice in her head is her dad’s and she is done listening to it, and she doesn’t want it at her wedding. If he can’t get behind her wedding, if he can’t be completely supportive then she doesn’t want him to come.

I have scars all over my body. Some I know exactly where they came from: a hot glue gun, a dog bite, hockey gloves, surgery, countless falls from a bike. But I have a scar on my hand, right near the base of the palm and I have no earthly idea where it came from. There are wounds that we don’t even know we have. We’ve had them so long that our bodies have grown over them, around them, enveloped them like a tree that grows around a rock. We don’t think of them until the damage becomes apparent. Stef thinks of her dad causing wounds by sending her to a priest. We’ve know about that one. But she doesn’t even realize damage caused by years of being ridiculed and thought less of until she starts parroting his language to the woman she loves. These wounds stay with us. Sometimes we don’t realize how present they are until we’re driving down the road, telling a story about our past and find tears running down our cheeks.

Everything about Stef’s posture in this scene screams kid. She slouches, she shoves her hands in her pockets, she’s entirely devoid of the chest out, head high, swagger we see when she’s in uniform. With her dad, she’s a kid. She’s a kid who has to tell her dad that he’s not welcome at her wedding because he hurt her so badly that it left more than a scar. It left a place that hurts so much that she had to cover it with her smartass mouth. Take it from someone who knows, being a smartass to cover your hurt is a great way to cope in middle school. It might even get you through high school, and if you’re good you can stretch it into college. But someday you are going to meet someone and your usual bullshit isn’t going to work. She’s going to look at you and when you shoot your mouth off, when you say nasty things, or tell a harsh joke to cover the fact that you care so much it makes it hard to breath, she’s going to see past the bluster, she’s going to see the hurt. If you’re lucky she’s going to see that nasty broken place and love you anyway. But that doesn’t mean you get to sit in your bedroom and tell her that marrying her is stupid and get away with it. She loves you, she might even want to spend the rest of her life with your sorry ass, but that doesn’t mean she’ll tolerate you falling back into your old habits. Not with her. She knows where you hurt, she sees your broken places and she, through some miracle of the universe, loves you anyway. That’s a thing that makes it worth standing in your father’s kitchen and telling him he’s not welcome at your wedding. Because she might love you, broken places and all, but that doesn’t mean you have to allow the person who broke you once to come near the places she stitched back together.

Stef returns home in the dark and tells her mom she’s sorry that she’s not the daughter she dreamed of having but she’s can’t wear a dress to the wedding. Her mom apologizes for getting wrapped up in the wedding insanity and tells Stef she doesn’t care what she wears, overall, a flak jacket, a bikini, or an Aria Montgomery original. She tells Stef she’s right, she’s not the daughter she dreamed of, she’s better. The Stef Foster apology tour makes its next stop in her bedroom. Lena is reading in bed because Stef’s smart enough to fall in love with a woman who loves books. Stef kneels next to the bed and tries to get Lena to take her eyes off the pages. When she finally looks, Stef says “of course I want to marry you, have you seen you? I’d be an idiot if I didn’t.” Lena throws her book across the room and pulls Stef up from the floor. Stef ninja rolls underneath Lena and holds on with both hands. The next morning our gorgeous moms are naked in bed chatting about whether they are sure about something and Lena says they want to tell them immediately so no one comes to the wedding not knowing. In the living room Stef and Lena ask Callie and Jude if they would like to be a permanent part of their family. Callie asks the other kids and Brandon assures her “there’s enough to go around” and it’s supposed to be sweet but he kind of squicks me out because he says “there’s enough to go around” with a look that says that by enough he means his penis. Ick.

The brain trust, Jesus and Lexi are talking in his room. He calls her “dummy” like he’s Dennis and she’s Liz and it’s almost more than I can take. Why didn’t she didn’t say anything about going to Honduras? Oh because I didn’t want you to worry, Jesus. I thought you were supposed to Jesus your troubles, or did I do Sunday school wrong? He says he can’t promise not to worry but that he’ll be waiting for her when she gets back. You never forget the first girl you get caught having a stranger buy the morning after pill for.

Outside everything is pretty for the wedding and Callie steals Brandon for a quick chat. Brandon follows Callie to some weird ivy covered back alley where she thanks him for believing in her when she didn’t believe in herself. She says she didn’t get the trial outcome she wanted but, thanks to Mr. Fitz, she remembers who she is and she knows now what she deserves. He says “do ya?” and proceeds to tell her how smart and beautiful and funny and kind and amazing she is while inching closer to her until they start making out. He better be worth being homeless for, Callie! And you, Mister, stop it! They cut to Talya chatting with Sharon and asking where Brandon is so we’ll worry that she’s the one who will catch them kissing but it’s a thousand times worse because it’s Judicorn. Jude throws some Chinese food, kicks a trashcan, and rides his bike off into the thunderstorm. Maybe if Jude was A he could just have Brandon maimed or sent to an all-boys boarding school in Siberia. Callie follows Jude and Talya shows up to pull Brandon in the other direction. Callie chases after Jude and he lets her have it for always ruining everything. She says it will never happen again and he tells her of course it will because this is what she does. I gotta say Jude, she’s being stupid with Brandon but if you are adding Liam raping her to this to equal always, you need to take a good hard look at your math. He tells her that she’s selfish and never thinks of him even though they are a package deal and when she screws up he pays the price too. He stomps off leaving her looking very Joey Potter in the middle of some weird side street-back alley in her fancy dress.

Inside the house, Captain Roberts is handing Lena a gift and a bonus of telling Lena that Stef is coming back to work next week. Whoopsie! Lena looks three shades more murderous than most brides when Stef arrives. Stef offers in her softest voice, that she was waiting until after the wedding to tell Lena. Lena drags Stef into the bathroom, shuts the door, shoves Stef against the wall, and then unbuttons Stef’s shirt. It’s hot and a little confusing. Then she puts her hand on Stef’s wound and says she making her peace with it because if she’s going to marry Stef she’s going to marry all of her, the scar, the bullet, and the cop. Sadly they cut away before we can see the rest of that scene but damn it looked good in my head. Reverend Adams welcomes everyone to the marriage of his daughter. He mentions the Supreme Court ruling (handed down the same day they filmed this scene), that gives us gays the same rights and responsibilities, joys and burdens, including mothers of the brides who squabble over flowers, and guests who inappropriately make out with each other. Dana keeps it classy by reading Shakespeare’s Sonnet 116, “love is an ever-fixed mark/ that looks on tempests and is never shaken” not even by a house full of horny teens, a near death experience, and a wedding. Sharon follows up the Bard by dropping some Irma Bombeck on the happy couple. Stef laughs and then it’s vow time. Lena tells Stef that she’s a piece of work, but she’s Lena’s piece of work. Stef tells Lena that she has been waiting her whole life for Lena and that she’s proud to stand in front of their friends and family so everyone will know how lucky she feels to be with her. The Rev asks for the rings and Judicorn hands them over. The ladies try to slip them on but realize they got the wrong ones and giggle as they trade. The same thing happened at my wedding but it took us until we got back to our hotel room after the wedding before we realized whoever put them out on the table for the ceremony got them backward and we’d put on the wrong ones. Once Stef and Lena get it sorted out the Reverend is like ladies, start kissing. And they do and it’s just as sweet and awkward as most wedding kisses.

I call this next part of the episode, “let’s leave a few things to tie up next season.” Lexi and Jesus dance as her parents look on and talk about how devastated she’s going to be when she finds out they aren’t coming back. Lena tells Stef she’s sorry her dad didn’t come and Stef says she’s only sorry for her dad. Lena asks about Mike and wonder if he’s a bit off because of them and Stef glances at Roberts and says “no, it’s not us.” Jude is being a perfect six year old and picking frosting off the cake when Callie pops over to say he’s right, she’s been selfish but she’s not going to be selfish anymore. Mariana dedicates a song to her moms and frankly, I’m not sure any other show could pull off playing “Same Love” at a lesbian wedding without making me roll my eyes. Maybe it’s because the first bars of the song are enough to make me cry. Maybe because it has the most perfect hook in the history of hooks, or maybe it’s because this show has embraced being heartfelt like no other show with gay ladies ever. This is a show about family and it’s sappy and I love it. There’s adorable family dancing complete with awkward teenage moves, lots of hugs, and huge smiles. The scene ends with Stef and Lena dancing, their noses pressed together and the song ends with the moms in bed spooning. Their hands, decorated with wedding bands, clasped together. The song says “I can’t change, even if I tried, even if I wanted to,” and this show sometimes feels like the answer because maybe Stef can’t change that she loves Lena, even if she wanted to but goddamn it the world can change enough to allow her the space to do that. I didn’t have a dream of getting married when I was a kid. I never thought anyone would want to marry me because I thought there was something wrong with me. I never thought the world would allow me to get married or to have kids. Sometimes we can’t dream the things we can’t see. It heartens me to know that there are millions of people who won’t have to feel that way, they won’t have to struggle to imagine a world where they could have a wife and a family because they can see it on television. Yeah, maybe no TV shows is going to change us but it’s a damn good place to start.

Meanwhile, Callie is sneaking around the house, fully dressed, bag over her shoulder. She peeks in every room. At Brandon’s door she takes about three deep sighs to inhale his essence or some such nonsense, and sets off into the night. She arrives at Wyatt’s and asks if he takes hitchhikers. He wants to know if Stef and Lena know where she is and she says no. He tells her to go home and she says fine, she’ll take a bus. She starts walking but he picks her up and off they go into the great, midwestern unknown. I guess we’ll have to come back in January to see how it all shakes out. I just wanted to take a second to thank you all for reading and commenting and tweeting your hearts out about this show. You guys kept the show on television. You helped it get it’s second half of season one. It has been a pure joy to recap and to watch with you all. So thank you. I can’t wait to see what happens in January.

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