“The Fosters” recap (1.07): “Hey, Jude!”


Meanwhile Mr. Twitchy himself, Jesus, is standing by the entrance to the school hoping to catch a glimpse of Lexi. Instead he gets Kelsey who waltzes in with a backpack fit for carrying supplies up Everest and a cardigan/blouse combo that would have passed inspection by Miss Cuthbert, the Rockford Peaches chaperone. She tells him to get to class before he gets anyone else pregnant. I kind of love Kelsey. She is a mess and I dig it.


Jude is sitting in class and the teacher announces that the project she is assigning is big enough that everyone should work on it with a partner. Thus begins the panicked moment when everyone rushes to find either their best friend or the Hermione of the class to help with the project. Jude sits and looks around until Connor asks if Jude has a partner yet. Jude smiles and says no and his tiny little face screams “HOORAY” and my little seventh grade gay heart screams for him. Connor asks if he can come over because his mom says other kids give her a migraine. Girl, I hear you. Jude quickly says yes and then tells Connor he actually has to check because he’s the kind of unicorn teenager who thinks of other people. His face is the cutest thing and I just hope this sweet boy doesn’t break his little heart.

jude class

Jesus is riding his skateboard down the sidewalk to the blue door in Notting Hill and I am shocked when it’s not Hugh Grant standing on the other side when he knocks. She leaps at him and starts making out with his face. Her parents can barely look at her and he wants to know if it’s why she hasn’t been in school.

lena hallway

Oh, but know who is in school? The Riveras and they look madder than Luke Cafferty’s mom. Watch Friday Night Lights, people. Just have it on in the background, you know? Anyway, Lena slides into her office where the lady we haven’t seen since the day Lena changed Jude’s test is waiting. The Riveras are pulling Lexi out of this brothel of a charter school and sending her to Texas for boarding school because when she inevitably had sex again she will have to carry the kid to term because, you know, Texas: where every life is precious until it’s born. Principal lady says that the Riveras think that Lena gave Lexi the morning after pill and Lena considers talking about grey areas but instead shuts up. Outside Jesus shows up to yell at Mariana some more and while I think she sucks in a lot of ways she is not the one who had unprotected sex with Lexi in the first place (much as she may wish she had).

Callie is standing waiting for Wyatt when Brandon walks by and asks if she’d like to walk home with him. When she says no, that she’s waiting to get tips on hair care from Wyatt, Brandon wanders off. Once he walks away a green Jeep Wrangler screeches to a halt and Liam hops out and starts screaming at Callie. He’s huge and he looks even more menacing next to Callie who, for all her swagger and attitude is, in fact, a tiny human. He wants to know what she told Wyatt who apparently sent Liam a threat online. Callie tries to walk away but he grabs her arm and screams in her ear to leave him alone and to stay away from Sarah.

liam callie
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