Previously on The Fosters, Brandon had an audition for the Pittsburgh Ballet and stumbled on his first pass, and his second. Thank goodness Mike was able to hum a few bars of “What a Feeling” and Brandon got another chance to impress Mr. Feeney. Wyatt had some big feelings about having the bank take his childhood home so he threw a party to process his feelings and destroy property. Callie tried to talk him down, escorted drunk Mariana home, and ran into the very creepy, and menacing Liam. Meanwhile, Stef and her dad had a lovely chat about how he sent her to a minister as a teen because she liked Beyonce too much. Daddy dearest dropped in while Stef and Lena had Lexi’s religious parents over for dinner. The Riveras turned out to be Catholics who are down with the gays but not so much with boys and girls being in the same room unsupervised. Everything was going reasonably well until Mariana came home and spilled the beans about Jesus and Lexi having all the sex. Let’s see how the Riveras feel about the morning after pill, shall we?
All right folks, pull out your social issues BINGO cards and get ready to play. This episode is lousy with issues and you want to be able to keep track. We start not in the Foster-Adams kitchen of light and pancakes but upstairs where Jesus and Mariana are sniping at each other. Jesus is pissed that Mariana got so jealous that he was the one boning Lexi that she told Catholic Headquarters and he got his pass to Lexi’s pants revoked. Stef, looking like the Greek goddess of quips and swagger — just out of the shower, the girls almost saying good morning from under her robe — looks and listens as the twins act like siblings for once. When Jesus storms out Stef tells Mariana that the truth sucks and the fact is she brought all of this on herself by getting drunk and outing Jesus and Lexi. Mariana puts her thumb in her mouth and says “Mommy! You always did love Richard best.” Stef tells Mariana that they love her more than anything but that they don’t love her behavior.
Lena saunters onto the porch with Callie and they sit down to talk about Callie’s therapy sessions. Lena tries to remind Callie that participation is half of Callie’s grade but Callie ask if she can transfer out. Lena says of course she can work on it but in the meantime Callie will have to keep going because it’s part of her probation. She slouches her best slouch and agrees before walking into the kitchen. Ross is there eating his corn flakes and giving Callie the cold shoulder because he thinks she took his sister to a party and got her drunk. Anne with an E tells him that Diana Barry is the one who wanted to go to the party and Diana is the one who drank the wine three tumblers full at a time so maybe he ought to get his facts straight.
Ana and Mariana are at the beach and Ana is singing Mariana a song she used to love when she was a kid. Ana has been clean for a week, which is great, but then she asks Mariana for money to help her get into a rehab program. Does no one on this show watch Friday Night Lights? Ana asks Mariana to just look around the house for something to steal that she can sell to get the money. Mariana balks and then Ana says “but we’re family and family takes care of family” OK, Peter Pettigrew, go ahead and use any emotional blackmail you can think of to twist Mariana’s arm but it’s not going to help your ranking in the running to become the worst. (Mark you BINGO card if you have drug addiction or parents being the worst).
Anchors Aweigh Charter School for the nautically inclined nerd. Callie and Wyatt chat by her locker and Wyatt wins me over with this scene. He’s trying to figure out what’s going on with Callie while staying inside of the boundaries of their flirty and fun relationship. So he asks questions about why Callie made her instagram private. When she dodges with a half-assed answer, he shrugs it off and presses again, mentioning that he saw Liam’s creepy message about building a treehouse of horror outside Callie’s bedroom window. When she tries to brush it off, he presses again and she tries to parry with a crack about Wyatt wanting to date Liam. He’s undeterred. Wyatt Hair Model, you have redeemed yourself. Finally Callie just kisses the lug and walks away.