“The Fosters” recap (1.17): “Aca-awkward”


Vico finds Brandon to tell him that the problem with their otherwise foolproof plan is that there’s a security code on the ID maker. He hands Brandon his new ID. You thought Lismore street sounded stupid? Brandon’s ID says he lives on “Mele Kalikimaka Lane.” Merry Christmas, numbnuts.

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Mariana apologizes to Zach for the misunderstanding. He tells her they weren’t on a date but it’s just not OK to ditch a friend to go hook up with a jackhole like Chase. She tells Zach they didn’t hook up but he stalks off anyway. A couple of dudes walk by and smile at Mariana. She smiles back and then notices they are walking with underpants hanging out of their back pockets. Just when you thought the show couldn’t be any gayer, Anchors Aweigh Charter School has its own handkerchief code! Mariana confronts Chase about broadcasting her underwear antics to the school. He plays dumb but she tells him she know he’s lying because he’s a terrible actor.

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Back at the Adams Foster home, Callie welcomes Kiara and Daphne. They give her grief for running away from a house this nice. They head for the kitchen and talk about how hard it is for Daphne in independent living. No one wants to hire a kid out of juvie and she needs a job if she wants her daughter back. The girls want to know what Callie’s up to and she complains that she’s supposed to make friends but she doesn’t have anything in common since she was homeschooled in Africa. They remind her that they are all friends in spite of not having anything in common except for that time Daphne kicked Callie’s ass in juvie. They want to know about Temptation Island: Brandon Foster edition and Callie says it’s not a problem since he moved out and moved on to felonies and shit. Kiara announces that she has a new foster family thanks to the picture Callie took of her. Stef interrupts this happy moment with her swagger and uniform. Daphne gets nervous around Stef and they hurry to leave. I understand, I get like that too around hot women.

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Meanwhile, Brandon and Vico go into a bar to test the new ID. It works in spite of Brandon saying “fake’ thirty-seven times and being twitchier than Smokey Lonesome without his morning whiskey. Brandon orders a pink drink and scans the crowd. When Vico decides that the best way to get over Callie is to get under someone else Brandon finds himself face to face with Hurricane Dani. This is going to make breakfast awkward.

Stef and Lena are doing dishes in the dream kitchen and talking about Sanchez’s helpful tips for raising teenagers. Stef thinks that Callie should expand her friend circle to include kids who don’t know what the inside of a cell looks like. Callie comes bouncing down the stairs looking like she robbed Ellen Page’s closet, and says she wants to take pictures of all the foster kids to help them find homes. Lena thinks it’s a lovely idea and Stef would love it if Callie would use the opportunity to make new friends. Callie says she’s already going to enlist Daphne and Kiara to help. Count your blessings, moms, because neither of those two are going to tell Callie to hand out her underpants like business cards.

Back at Mike’s, Brandon is washing his cereal bowl when Mike comes home from work. Mike promises that when he’s back on his regular shift they will have pancakes and bacon and process their feelings over breakfast like they do at the moms’ house. They both laugh and say, fine, we’ll eat cocoa puffs together and grunt. Their intimate getting to know you dinner has been moved to Stef’s house courtesy of Brandon’s big mouth. Brandon keeps pushing his luck by asking all about Dani and her drinking history. Mike shuts him down and tells Brandon he should go back to his piano lessons. Brandon calls the teacher a “pompous ass” and tells his dad not to call the teacher again because he’s not going to change his mind. It definitely has nothing to do with him not wanting Mike to check up on how long Brandon was ditching class and keeping the money.

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The wrestling team is weighing in. Jesus dropped enough weight to go down a class so he’s off the bench. Well, he’s off the bench for 14 seconds because Emma bumped up a class and now they wrestle each other for the spot. Timothy finds Lena and bribes her with a brownie so he can use the theater department props for the Shakespeare production he is doing at the nursing home this weekend. Lena’s ears prick up and he tells her about the show and the cat he rescued from a tree. She’s the only lesbian impressed by the this the rest of us smell a Marcus Allenwood situation coming a mile away.

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