“The Closer” 5.6 mini-cap: “Tapped Out”

Lts. Flynn and Provenza are eating breakfast. Provenza has traded his steak and eggs for fruit. His new squeeze says his diet was making him feel older. Flynn corrects that its his age making him feel older. Provenza goes into massages and stretching and at that part my mind just shuts down out of self preservation.

The Pope joins the detectives as part of his new incentive to break down walls with no isolation from on high. There is police action across the street. Provenza closes the blinds. Pope goes to the crime scene muttering something about the concept “to serve.”

The Pope meets detective Richard Tracy, who explains the crime scene. The victim was shot in the face at close range. A woman was seen running away from the scene and sped away in a black BMW dropping a gun out the window.

Detective Tracy is very enthusiastic. He volunteers to log in all the evidence because they work for the same woman, right? Brenda Leigh? No, justice, the lady with the scales. Justice can be a little cold and gray. I’ll take Brenda any day.

Detective Tracy asks for the three detectives business cards. Provenza and Flynn think the new detective is a kiss ass. The Pope says Tracy is the kind of follower he is trying to mold in his image.

Brenda is interviewing a constantly screaming woman, Marie Morgan, who slept with the victim, Mark Bernstein. He was known as Intrigue, the pick-up artist. He was infamous for his online technique for picking up women and dumping them.

Brenda inquires about all the evidence; it’s not processed yet. The Pope makes a call. There is no Det. Richard Tracy at Central. Brenda wants to know if the three of them handed over all the evidence of the case to Dick Tracy? Comical.

Flynn said he knew things. Provenza said he had an official LAPD notebook. The chief said he knew the Pope’s new testament. Brenda says yes, and he could be a killer or a pathological liar…or someone merely knowledgeable of Google.

Brenda goes to the victims residence. A “Lt. Provenza” beat them there and issued a search warrant. He carried out boxes of evidence. The Pope prays. He broke the cardinal sin of evidence custody.

Where will this guy go next…uh oh. Notification. They arrive at the victim’s brother’s house only to realize “Chief Pope” had been there already.

The producer of Bernstein’s new cable show, Tapped, is there. They were going over the episodes that are to air. According to the producer, Pappas, Intrigue was testing off the charts. Intrigue’s website pulled in $12 million alone.

Brenda anticipates Dick Tracy’s next move, impersonates the witness, and arrests the fake detective when he arrives. Brenda gives Flynn back his business card and leers at him.

It’s Fritz’s turn as it seems that Brenda no longer has a case that doesn’t involve her husband. The FBI began investigating Bernstein years ago regarding the release forms the girls in his videos signed. Some girls were underage.

The comic book detective’s name is Jonathan Baird. An ex-security officer that took the LAPD test, scored high, but was dropped because of the psyche test. Shock. He wants Brenda to address him as detective. He says he is way ahead of major crimes on this one. Brenda says maybe you should bring us up to speed, Dick. The psycho Dick runs the white board.

The eye witness saw a woman run past. A black BMW stopped behind the building and dumped the murder weapon. Ms. Morgan drives a black BMW and is sleeping with the victim.

The victim’s laptop has an instructional DVD on how to pick up women, love them, video tape them for Tapped, and then leave them before they wake up. “Oh my lord, this man is horrible.” Yes, Brenda, he’s just not your Daddy.

Brenda needs to get into the victim’s computer. The Dick put a password on it. The Pope canonizes the fake Dick in front of Brenda, taking his side in pretense. Happy for the praise, he gives up the password. Inside is the combined focus groups from the “Tapped” pilot. Brenda moment.

The eight women video-”Tapped” are in the interview rooms. So is the crazy, screaming lady. Producer Pappas is watching. She recognizes the women upset about the videos and the screaming lady, her assistant.

Brenda tells the producer the evidence against the assistant. Pappas says the production company leases several black BMWs, however, she will testify about the on-going affair and laments the difficulty of replacing her assistant mid-season. Pappas goes into the interview room to calm the screaming Marie Morgan.

Brenda makes Pappas stay in the interview room and reads her her rights. The producer knew Marie was sleeping with Bernstein and, according to his MO, knew he would leave before she awoke. She lied to them when she said Tapped was about to explode. In fact, the audience loathed the concept and the not-so intriguing star.

Pappas murdered Bernstein to save her career. The show’s failure would destroy her. She couldn’t even get a job as Paula Abdul’s assistant. I heard Sarah Palin was hiring.

Ms. Pappas, you just tapped out.

Brenda has the comic writing a fake police report that will later be his confession proving he is a crackpot and not necessarily a Dick. The Pope’s job is safe in an elaborate maze of lies — it’s what unites every division of the LAPD. Who doesn’t lie to their boss?

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