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The best (and worst) Oscar red carpet dates

One of our favorite things to imagine is what it’d be like to date our favorite celebrities. And with the Academy Awards coming our way this Sunday night, we’ve been thinking a lot about who we’d like to take with us. You know, if we were invited to participate in a way that didn’t involve our couch and our TVs and our drinking game. So, we’ve made a list of who we think would be the best (and worst) Oscars red carpet dates. Best: Marion Cotillard We’ll be honest: Marion Cotillard used to intimidate the hell out of us. with her fanciness and French-ness, but recent red carpet appearances have led us to believe that she’s kind of like us. She freaked out over Kristen Bell‘s pregnancy at the Golden Globes because KBell is “her favorite.” And then she said that she’s “totally in love with Jennifer Lawrence.” So, now we want to sip champagne with her and talk about Veronica Mars and Katniss Everdeen. And also maybe stare at her face a little bit. Best: Jennifer Lawrence Jennifer Lawrence is one of those rare creatures we actually like more the more she mouths off. Every time we turn around, she’s talking about how she can’t change her diet to gain weight because she already eats like she’s got something to prove, or video bombing Josh Hutcherson during red carpet interviews to ask him how his rash is doing, or recusing cats from burning buildings. We like ’em mouthy, and whoo boy, does Lawrence have a lot to say. Worst: Kristen Stewart We think Kristen Stewart is very talented and we like her independent spirit and style, but all photographic evidence of awards shows seem to indicate that she hates fun. Getty Images is like 35 pages of her scowling on red carpets. There are things we’d like to do with her, but not Oscars-type things.

Best: Tina Fey and Amy Poehler If you don’t know why Tina Fey and Amy Poehler would make the greatest dates ever, we don’t want to know you. They are everything that is right with the world, a pair of unicorns that deserve all of our reverence and worship. Best: Jessica Chastain Did you know that Jessica Chastain, in addition to looking like an actual angel from heaven, adopted a three-legged dog who recently wandered onto stage when she was doing live theater in New York? Yep, true story. She takes her little three-legged dog everywhere she goes and Ellen DeGeneres is so smitten with the little guy that she sent him a bunch of treats and toys. Probably Chastain will at least have the puppy with her in the limo on the way to the Oscars. Probably we could hold it and pet it and love it and cuddle it while poses works the red carpet. Worst: Taylor Swift Another lady we love, the queen of her own creative empire, a beacon of light for aspiring musically-inclined girls everywhere. But sheesh, does she ever seem like she’s tripping balls at awards shows. If she’s not glowering at Adele for beating her (Golden Globes), she’s dancing so hard and loud even her friends are embarrassed to be with her (Grammys). Plus, honestly, we’re not sure we could handle the mean thigs she’d say about us in the song she’d write after our inevitable red carpet breakup.

Best: Quvenzhané Wallis Another dog lover, Quvenzhané Wallis has spent her awards season media blitz talking about her puppy purse and sparkly Chuck Taylors and how she plans to wear both to the Academy Awards. She’s the youngest Oscar nominee ever, but she’s also just an all-around awesome kid. “When I need to be fierce, I’m fierce,” she told NPR. Hanging with her at the Oscars would be the most fun. (Plus, we have purple Chucks too!) Best: Naya Rivera We’ve got tonight. Who needs tomorrow? Best: Ellen and Portia Ellen and Portia are the world’s most beloved couple, and of course we’d love to be their escort on the Academy Awards red carpet. Oh, we’d laugh and dance and high five a time or two. Worst case: they’d totally lose sight of us because they always get lost in each other, which would free us up to hit up the open bar and cruise whatever celebrities we wanted.

Worst: Anne Hathaway We have nothing but respect (and love eyes) for Anne Hathaway, but doesn’t it seem like it would be the most exhausting thing on the planet to go to the Oscars with her? She seems to know everything about every movie ever made, and everything about every actor and actress and director and producer and editor and cinematographer and gaffer ever employed by the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences. She’d want to talk, talk, talk about everything and talk, talk, talk to everyone. And, well, we’d need a little peace and quiet to get our ogle on. Best: Viola Davis We’re such huge fans of Viola Davis that we mourn on a monthly basis the fact that she has yet to win an Oscar. She’s talented and beautiful and warm and intelligent, but also we think she might be out of fucks to give. She’s been robbed of her own Academy Award twice now, so with just a tiny bit of libation, we think she might start spilling some of Hollywood’s dirty little secrets to us. And if not, well, we’re still on a date with Viola Davis. Best: Sofia Vergara Because we have eyeballs. Best: George Clooney We like to think of George Clooney as a golden retriever. He’s adorable. He seems very cuddly and easily amused. But, most importantly, he is a chick magnet. If we could walk side-by-side with George Clooney on the night of the biggest awards show in Hollywood, it’d be like strolling through the gayest park on earth with the cutest dog in the world by our side.

Who do you think would be the best (and worst) Oscars red carpet date?

Don’t forget to tune in for our Oscars red carpet live stream Sunday at 5:30 p.m. ET on MTV.com. Stick with us for everything about the 2013 Oscars including our Oscar winners list, predictions and full fashion coverage!

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