There’s a new book by Freeman Hall called Stuff that Makes a Gay Heart Weep and it’s a list of 210 things that make gay men want to cry. This includes things like Trainwreck Britney, Emo hair and Capri Pants. But this book was just another reminder of how different gay men and women are. I mean, their gay hearts cry over potlucks? Bad karaoke? I mean, I’m a lesbian and I happen to enjoy the gathering of many women with platters of homemade food and an awful rendition of any Heart song sung by a drunk at a dive bar. I can’t be alone here.
So we decided to make a list of our own. Here are things that make our lesbian hearts weep.
Grace Chu: Things that make a lesbian heart weep
10. Katy Perry on the cover of Out Magazine9. Katy Perry in general
8. Ill-fitting blazers
7. Seeing other lesbians rockin’ out mullets, fannypacks, or Tevas in a non-ironic manner in 2010
6. Taylor Swift besting Lady Gaga for “Album of the Year” at the Grammys
5. Queen Latifah and Jeanette Jenkins
4. Unclipped, unfiled fingernails
3. Ilene Chaiken’s monopoly on lesbian-themed television programming
2. Anyone who actually believed Tila Tequila when she said she was a lesbian
1. Running out of AA batteries
Jamie Murnane: Things don’t make my lesbian heart weep – people do. More specifically, people who are obviously gay ladies who won’t just come out already. I won’t name names, because we all know who I’m talking about. And that’s the whole point: I don’t want to tell you who I think / know is gay if they won’t do it themselves.
I’m not looking for a big statement, a press release, or overly-publicized memoir about living a lie for so long. It would just be nice for celebrities to live honestly and stop worrying about their reputation. It’s 2010. There are entire website devoted to the careers of gay and gay friendly actresses, pop stars, models, celebrity trainers, rapper-turned-actresses, comedians, etc.
Seriously. It breaks my heart that they’re so concerned with their careers that they won’t just admit what we already know.
Drummerdeeds: Recently, I can’t help but be reduced to a blubbering mess every time I think of Callie Torres on Grey’s Anatomy. This girl is a catch, yet she’s getting dumped by gfs left and right in the most obscene of locations: first a parking lot (yeah, I know it was the producers), now an airport waiting room? Jeez, cut this girl some slack.
Perhaps Dr. Torres’s plight cuts me deep like a scalpel because the storylines are all too familiar.
The Linster: Things that make this lesbian heart weep:
Brittany and ArtieKaty Perry
Straight people who make a point of telling me how much they love Katy Perry
Bianca Montgomery falling in love – again
Sarah Palin talking “woman power”
The Real L Word
Lesley Goldberg: The top thing that makes my lesbian heart weep: Ellen DeGeneres never having done a one-on-one interview with AfterEllen.com. It certainly isn’t for lack of trying by all involved with the site, but if there’s a “Big Fish” interview that’s yet to be featured on AE, it’s her. Ellen, if you ever read this, call us. Please.
Trish Bendix: People that go around saying, “I don’t read.” I don’t understand why it’s “cool” to not read books and write that on your Facebook profile. “Favorite books? NONE. I HATE 2 READ.” Well then, you’re going to have a hard time on Facebook because it’s a whole lot of text. Maybe you prefer pictures, but there’s a lot of good stalking material in words, too.
Meg Streit: My little lesbian heart weeps every time a lesbian on the big screen or a TV show sleeps with a man or ends up with a man, a la The Kids Are All Right or “Kissing Jessica Stein. It’s just so unoriginal. Even if I weren’t rooting for the girl to get the girl, I’d still consider these predictable plot lines complete cinematic failures. Is there no other way to infuse drama into a lesbian movie without having one of the women have sex with and/or date a man?
Heather Hogan: Nothing makes my lesbian heart weep like Modern Family. Not because I hate it: No, I think Modern Family is the funniest, most endearing, most subversive sitcom in years and I watch every single episode at least three times. Cam and Mitchell are my favorite gay couple in the history of television because they’re hilarious, for starters. And they’re lovable. And the writers use them to gently mock all kinds of gay stereotypes.
Cam and Mitchell are not supporting characters with mangled, cliched storylines. Their relationship is integral to the Pritchett family dynamic, which means it is fundamental to the success of the show. The writers give them the same kind of care they give Claire and Phil, and Gloria and Jay. Every week, Cam and Mitchell have fresh, warm stories to share with America. And that makes “gay” seem a lot less scary (and a lot more normal) to people who don’t have any actual gay friends. (And that makes things like DADT and DOMA and seem a lot more ridiculous to them, too. “What do you mean there’s a law that Cam and Mitchell can’t get married?!”)
And so I weep because I really do adore Cam and Mitchell. But also I weep because the deepest, most desperate desire of my TV-lovin’ heart is to see a lesbian couple just like them.
Bridget McManus: I cry when I’m at the department store and see clothing for girls emblazoned with the words “I
