Since our 2009-2010 Lesbian Census, we’ve lost a few more good women. In this week’s AfterEllen.com Huddle, we pay our last respects to the gayish females that will no longer be a part of our weekly routine.
Heather Hogan: Today we mourn the loss of one of Hollywood’s most legendary creatures: The Sweeps Bisexual. It was only a year ago when the CW released young Ella Simms into the wasteland of lesbian storylines with a promo of her snogging another girl like mad up against a wall. Is it a mirage? we wondered. Are we so dehydrated and starved on subtext that we’ve actually started hallucinating girls kissing where there are no girls kissing?
But lo! It was not a mirage. It was the rebooted Melrose Place and oh, how they promised that Ella could fall in love with a man or a woman. Oh, how they kept dangling that juicy promo in front of us. And oh, how their teasing came to naught!
From the moment Ella showed up on our screens, she was in love with the feckless, neurotic Jonah — of Jonah and His Fiance Riley. Ella, she kissed a girl. And yes, she liked it. But it was only a ratings ploy because her heart always belonged to a man.
Ella, we will not miss you. Katie Cassidy, you were always better than Melrose Place.
Dorothy Snarker: Poor Wanda Sykes. First her talk show, The Wanda Sykes Show, is canceled by Fox. Then, her sitcom The New Adventures of Old Christine is canceled by CBS. All in all, I think she has probably had better weeks.
But the real crime with this one-two punch is that Wanda will not be on our TVs for the foreseeable future. This news is yet another hit to lesbian visibility on TV and an affront to the humor gods. Hey, networks, rectify this injustice immediately.
Lesley Goldberg: Just when we were getting to really know 90210‘s Gia Mannetti (Rumer Willis) as more than a tough and cute-nosed cub reporter for The Blaze, Adrianna finds her way back to ex-boyfriend Navid. Gia, you were the supportive girlfriend and part of a sweet and realistic story line that ended way too soon.
We mourn the loss today of Aid’s one and only ex-girlfriend, an out teen on a primetime series who was comfortable with who she was and demanded the best of those around her. We’ll miss you, your great taste in music ("Jolene"!) and your quirky VW van.
We will miss her constant brooding and skepticism of everyone and everything, as evinced by the trademark eyebrow furrow and snigger. We shall miss her domination in the field of national security, as she could easily take down annoying Benford, Vogel, Marcie and the blackout bad guys, all the while looking fly in her agent-chic wardrobe. That she was a hot lesbian FBI agent and CIA mole undoubtedly fulfilled the fantasies of queeries far and wide, and what little Janis/Maya action the FF creators threw at us was enough for us to be smitten instantly and completely.
We must accept that Agent Hawk has gone to a better place (maybe Dinah Shore weekend) and all we can do is wish her the best with Demetri’s baby — what a beautiful baby she will be — and hope that she gets the chance to relax a bit, find a special lady (hopefully Maya), and keep saving the world. We’ll miss ya, boo.
Grace Chu: In the end, NBC decided not to save the cheerleader. We’ve already said our goodbyes to Claire and Gretchen of Heroes here, so I won’t belabor the point. Instead, I will give you this scene from Episode 307. There was really a, um, spark between Claire and Elle. Too bad Sylar had to cut Elle’s head open and torch her body. Oh, what could have been.
Mia "Hornito" Jones: Oh Pammy, we hardly even knew ye. You fell for Buck, who, out of all of Tara’s alters, seems like kind of a weird choice, but OK, if the sex is good, I totally understand.
Your cute little scrunched-up face decided to sleep with Tara’s husband in this week’s episode of United States of Tara. Not cool — though that does seem like a trick one of my ex-girlfriends has used. Time to dip your toes in a different pond my friend, even if it’s another lady pond. Too bad we won’t see you in season 3.
TheLinster: My dreams of Dana Delany playing a lesbian have been alive since China Beach days. She has just enough swagger to keep the hope alive. When she played a senator who seduced Bette on The L Word, I was happy. But when she came out on Desperate Housewives, I was thrilled.
As Katherine, Delaney reversed the lesbian stereotype: Instead of playing a les/bi who sleeps with a man or goes psycho, she played a straight woman who slept with men and went psycho, then recovered her sanity and discovered her attraction to women. Julie Benz, as lesbian Robin, was a bonus — a hot, woman-loving-woman who made no apologies for being exactly who she is.
The storyline was such fun that I couldn’t wait to see what would happen next. And I was sad when Robin and Katherine left Wisteria Lane. I will miss them, but I am comforted with the vision of two beautiful women, in Paris and in love, living happily ever after.
Lindsey Byrnes: No, Celia, no! I am on my knees begging you with the Violent Femmes, "Please, Please, Please do not go" playing in the background, tears streaming down my face, snotty nosed, hyperventilation-style begging! "Stay, Celia, stay!"
I love you, I hate you, I love you, I hate you — I love to hate you! On Weeds, you are a terrible friend, an even worse mother and an all around horrible person. Your selfishness and self centered behavior knows no bounds. Your inappropriate, offensive dialog is unforgivable and you consistently give me things to bitch about.
But, let’s face it, you are hot! And you aren’t afraid to use the two little words "strap" and "on," as you did when you were asking your gay daughter how to get "lesbionic" after the exciting possibility of a lesbian affair presented itself to you. I will miss you, Celia!
Trish Bendix: Though you may be the least known on the list, Mandella (Jolene Purdy), you are fully appreciated here at AfterEllen.com. We will miss you as the openly lesbian teen on ABC Family’s 10 Things I Hate About You. You only just came out and got your first girlfriend — she’s a sassy little thing — but we always suspected you had a thing for Kat (who doesn’t?)
There was also that one time Bianca kissed a girl, so she actually got more play on-screen than you, but if you had another season, who knows what you would do?
Rest in peace. We loved you all, at one point or another!