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The AfterEllen.com Huddle: Living lesbian stereotypes

This week, I asked the bloggers what lesbian stereotypes they happen to live up to. This spawned the biggest response to a huddle topic ever, as we apparently all share some of these assumed attributes about gay women. Here we go:

Mia Jones: Two cats, two dogs, a girlfriend who kind of looks like me, a wardrobe consisting of only jeans, hoodies, converse & Sauconys, I played soccer, I move in after the first date. Lesley, I might have you beat.

Lesley Goldberg: Cats? Two. Softball? Two leagues. Indigo Girls? You bet. With you on the wardrobe of Chucks, but sub ties in for hoodies.

And there’s no way I can out-gay stereotype that you have a girlfriend who kinda looks like you. Well played, Mia. Well played.

The Linster: I have short hair (but not a mullet), a T-shirt for every occasion, 2 cats, women’s music on my iPhone, an autographed photo of Jodie Foster on my wall, a stack of comic books by my bed and books in every corner of the house, three pairs of Chucks, 30+ ball caps, one lonely pair of dress shoes (but not a single dress), a pair of cleats and a well-broken-in softball glove, bowling shoes and my own ball, a personal pool cue, a guitar and a trail of broken hearts.

Heather Hogan: I am a jock. I was born a jock. I have lived 31 years as a jock. I will always be a jock. I started playing softball when I was four-years-old. Then I picked up basketball. Then soccer. Then cross country. Then track and field. Then mountain biking. Then road cycling. Then kayaking. Then triathlons. I was a four-year, four-sport letterman in high school and I went to college on a basketball scholarship. When there’s no sports equipment around, I will turn every thing into some kind of bizarre athletic competition: “Let’s see who can throw these rocks the farthest.” Or, “I’ll bet I can thump you in the face so hard it leaves a permanent red welt.” Or, “Race you through rush hour traffic; first person to get hit by a car loses!” Would we call that a lesbian stereotype? Probably. Also, we would call it “awesome.”

Heather O’Neil: My son’s father thinks I should just cut and paste my music playlist as my answer, but I’d say early cohabitation with a woman who looks so much like me that, as an undergrad, I used her ID to get into bars because she is two years older. Then we started dating. Then we moved to Brooklyn. Then we got married. Then we had a baby.

Lately, we’ve been trying to eat vegetarian, much to the annoyance our meat-lovin’ three-year-old son. And we have a cat and a pair of Chucks each.

p>Drummerdeeds: While several of the other AE blogger extraordinaires have me beat in the stereotype category (I’ve solicited their training, so bear with me), I can check off a few boxes that caused my peers in high school to call me a lesbo nonstop: 1) I’m an uber-feminist. Fairly militant, too.

2) Barring a few exceptions (Stevie Wonder, Michael Jackson and Prince), I only listen to female singers. They’re just better. To me, all male singers sound like the lead singer of Nickelback.

3) I’m a lesbian nationalist. I favor queer people in general, but I truly think that queer women are just better human beings. I also think that most women are queer women, but that’s encroaching on another stereotype. We’ll stop here for now.

Grace Chu: This is a tough one. I am allergic to cats. I’m too afraid to touch power tools or heavy machinery (but I’m good with old school tools like hammers and nails). I suck at sports – even beer pong (although I’m pretty good at flip cup). I don’t even like watching sports. I didn’t go to a Seven Sisters college. I never took a women’s studies or queer studies class. The Lesbian Avengers in college scared me. I can’t stand most music in the “girls with guitars” genre. I never had a crush on Shane on The L Word. I have limited ex-girlfriend drama, because they don’t live in the same state – or country – as I do. I waited an entire year before moving in with my ex fiancee, but it was mostly out of necessity, because I decided to take two bar exams at the same time; my lease ended on the last day of that s–tshow, and looking for an apartment wasn’t really high on my priority list. I am mostly carnivorous, and I think vegans are weird. I only recycle when people are watching me. I prefer wine over beer. I never hung out in Brooklyn until someone started paying me to cover the New York City scene. (It was hard to argue that Brooklyn isn’t part of New York City.)

Actually, come to think of it, I never hung out in the lesbian scene period until someone started paying me.

My hair is long, boring and acceptable for corporate America, and I like it that way. I don’t rail against capitalism; the alternatives are worse. I have never dated anyone who looks remotely like me, and in the past, if we left the house even wearing matching colors I’d become anxious. I do own Chucks, but they’re the wimpy kind.

Would writing for the biggest lesbian site on the internet suffice? What about fabricating Facebook drama out of boredom? I have started wearing sensible shoes more often. And I have been known to become overly competitive at things that don’t matter. Oh, and I like puppies. Will any of this prevent my lesbian card from being revoked?

Dara Nai: Formerly true: predatory lesbian, as in having been with five straight girls, two of whom were actual relationships. Formerly!

Still true: very handy from an early age. Also, I’m awesome. As all lesbians are.

Dorothy Snarker: Sensible shoes. Also, the awesome thing per Dara.

Drummerdeeds: OMG I was going to say predator! That was my nickname in high school and still kind of is. I bet you’re a better predator, though, Dara.

Ugh I have no other stereotypes. I don’t shave my legs? I’m Indian?

The Linster: Oh, man. I’ve only had four straight girlfriends, all of whom are now married to men they met while we were “together.” I was with one of them for 10 years!

Alley Hector: I wouldn’t call myself a predatory lesbian although others have no only called me a “predator” but I was also once told that I have the “lean and hungry look.”

I majored in Women’s Studies. Our chaired professor handed out buttons that read “I study women in a major way” I have dated the exes of my friends, my best friends, my best friend’s exes, and they have all as well. Basically the two degrees of (Biblical) separation is true.

Lesley Goldberg: I minored in Women’s Studies. Add that to my stereotype rep sheet.

Grace Chu: Women’s studies is just a polite term for the real name (and purpose) of the course: anatomy.

How does one become a predatory lesbian? For purely educational purposes, of course.

The Linster: In my case, it’s natural because I pre-date all the women I fall for.

Grace Chu: Omg me too! From Ali G to former Attorney General Richard Thornburgh: “What is legal?” Then, “What is illegal?” Finally, “What is barely legal?”

Drummerdeeds: I guess I have another stereotype. I’ve been meaning to say something about this but – I’m a vampire. A lesbian vampire. I think that’s a good way to be a predatory lesbian.

Dara Nai: Grace, wadda dating? 12-year-olds?

Mia Jones: Grace, don’t feel bad, I’ve almost gone there too (totally by accident). I also need to add that my current girlfriend is also my ex-girlfriend. Also, her ex dated my ex-wife. I might need to start a diagram of scandal.

Lesley Goldberg: What’s this half your age plus seven rule?

Grace Chu: if you don’t know it, you probably broke it. 😉

The Linster: I’m glad somebody else never heard of that. I can lower my minimum dating age with that rule.

Grace Chu: Basically one way of becoming a predatory lesbian is to date someone whose age is less than “half your age plus 7.” And now that I have found a way to be predatory like the rest of my AE coworkers I no longer feel like a loser. Which makes me a loser.

CAT PHOTO TIME!

DOG PHOTO TIME!

Ruth Callendar: I’m a cat lady. I can’t help it. I can’t walk into pet shops if there’s anything cute and furry in the window, I cry at the RSPCA ads every single time and the only reason my menagerie is limited to two, is the knowledge my housemates would kill me if I brought any morehome.

But even though there’s just the two, I’m particularly gay about them. My housemate Sarah calls them my “fur babies” and she’s right. For two abandoned shelter moggies, they’ve had a lot of love. One emigrated from New Zealand with me; his plane ticket was three times the price of my own and he didn’t even get an appropriately tiny overly packaged meal or a movie selection. The other is a neurotic ginger with asthma, to whom I diligently administer his inhaler to on a twice daily basis.

My girlfriend pretends, but she’s not remotely a cat person. I see her eyes start to glaze and I think “Oh no, how many times have I mentioned Leonard and Harry today? What if I’m totally that crazy cat lesbian?” But then Harry wanders in, all soft and orange, purring loudly and wheezing like a pack-a-day smoker, and I turn to her and say dramatically, “Baby, I’m a gay lady: love me, love my cats.”

Trish Bendix: I took a lot of women’s studies classes, I’m still friends with my ex, I own a pug (seriously – it’s a new lesbian stereotype, I’m telling you) and I fall into the butch/femme existence with my partner, but not on purpose!

Also, I have two cats, by default.

OK guys, your turn: fess up!

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