The AfterEllen.com Huddle: Just My Type

 
 

Growing up I used to take these Teen magazine quizzes like “What’s your type?” Unfortunately, they meant my type of guy, and it was always wrong. Probably because nobody on that list was ever going to be my ideal date. It did take me a little bit to figure out that “female” figured in somewhere, but it took even more time to establish what kind of girl I was really attracted to. I know I’m not alone on this, so I had to ask the AE writers (and you, too, dear readers): What’s your type?

Ali Davis: Is “would not in a million years be interested in dating me” a type? Hilarious trumps everything, and smart-and-hilarious makes me go all swoony. Or, really, just having a good sense of humor and falling on the floor laughing at the same things I do counts, too — she doesn’t have to be cracking jokes all the time, just appreciating the funny. Political awareness and a kind heart go a long way, and a passion is a must. Almost everyone I’ve fallen for has something bigger that they’re after.

Direct, frank interest flummoxes me so much that I sometimes date the bold by accident, but it’s the shy ones who really make me all loopy. So usually my type and I are standing in opposite corners not making jokes to each other for the first several weeks. I need to figure out a workaround for that.

Emily Hartl: From start to finish it seems like I really always have a thing for a dark-haired, dark-eyed lady. Blame my root Clea DuVall, my first big deal baby dyke girlfriend Holly, whoever. All I can say is every celebrity crush in the last 10 years has been of the raven haired variety and I somehow managed to snag the hottest brunette civilian on the permanent.

Elaine Atwell: I figured out my type the old-fashioned way: trial and error! In terms of looks, I typically gravitate towards women a degree or two more feminine than me, but that’s by no means a hard and fast rule. Mostly I like women with strong personalities and passions, who challenge and excite me. And I am pretty much not into blondes, probably because of a compulsive need to be the blondest person in the relationship.

Jill Guccini: I’ve always been attracted to smart people, but before I met my wife, it was always the type of dark and moody smart people who were into the same dark and moody stuff I was. Then I realized that being with someone who makes you laugh is 100 times better. Lots of pop culture and ’90s hip-hop knowledge is also a plus. But what really makes my wife the best is the fact that she’s a good person: her career is devoted to helping animals, and her friends are the #1 most important thing in her world. It’s hard not to fall in love with that.

Heather Hogan: I’m into Hufflepuffs, mostly. Girls who are patient and loyal and possess a strong sense of empathy for the world around them. I like girls who laugh, but not at the expense of other people. And girls who are smart, but who don’t just go around correcting everyone’s grammar. I like girls who go to the church of Stories. And girls who are really good at forgiving because they know what it’s like to need to be forgiven. A little drop of Gryffindor is always good because fire is enticing. And a little dab of Ravenclaw is a fun time too because learning is very sexy. But in the end, even JK Rowling agrees that Hufflepuffs are the best ones.

Bridget McManus: You know what they say, Heather. “Hufflepuff in the streets but a Slytherin in the sheets!” My “type” has been exactly the same since elementary school. I’ve always been attracted to older, extremely intelligent, witty brunettes that have a much larger vocabulary than I do.

Dara Nai: The majority of my exes are outgoing, slightly crazy, femme blondes with blue or green eyes, so I used to think that was my type. The trend was so obvious and consistent. But none of them worked out, which was also obvious and consistent. And sometimes, very expensive. This year, I married a gorgeous brunette who’s ridiculously smart, hot, fun, and sane. She’s successful, well-traveled, attentive, supportive, and generous. She laughs at all my jokes, which I love, makes me go to yoga, which I don’t love, and the gym, which I flat-out hate. And I couldn’t be happier. She’s my type.

Did someone say crazy blonde?

Grace Chu: My exes mostly consist of pretty, outgoing, garrulous brunettes with a penchant for blowing up my phone/IM all day. They also had a quirky sense of humor, which — along with a love of eclectic dining — is a direct path to my heart. All of this noise while at work was wonderful, because I hate my day job, but at home, the noise was overwhelming — and often not very positive. I tend to date girls with a lot of internal energy, which is a euphemism for being nutty, and coupled with my own active internal energy, it can drive a person crazy. A couple of times I think I actually did go crazy.

So once I decide to get out there again, I am going to repeat the following four words until the message manifests: “Still waters run deep.” My goal is to go swimming in a placid lake rather than maneuvering Class 4 or 5 rapids.

Karman Kregloe: I’ve always like mouthy femmes who could keep me entertained. When I met one who was also thoughtful and kind, I married her!

Punky Starshine: I used to think my fictional character type was ladies who are sassy, sarcastic, and secretly a little bit broken: Faith, Santana, Tamsin, etc. But the truth is, I could never date a person like that in real life, because when someone is mean to me, it takes me forever to recover from it, if I recover at all. And if someone is mean to someone else in my presence, it takes me even longer to get over it. So in real life,my type is someone a little more on the Emily Fields/Spencer Carlin end of the fictional character spectrum. Someone who is funny and sarcastic, but in a nice way. Someone who is never mean to waitresses, holds doors open for strangers, loves reading, thinks I’m at least a little bit funny, and loves me despite my weirdness, relentless optimism, and fondness for cheesy and/or children’s movies. Pretty Little Liars haters need not apply.

Dorothy Snarker: Smart. Funny. Kind. Tina Fey glasses a bonus, but not required.

Dana Piccoli: When I was single, I don’t think I ever really had a type. I’ve been through so many of my own re-inventions, that I couldn’t have imagined sticking to one type. However, I’ve always been drawn to people who are kind and brave, and don’t take themselves too seriously, friendship and relationship-wise.

Trish Bendix: I have finally figured out what makes me swoon: Smart All-American butch girls. I’m talking button-downs with jeans and a clean, short haircut with kind eyes and a nice smile. But looks aside a sense of humor and passion for what they do is a must. Ms. Maddow is the posterchild for my kind of gal.

Lucy Hallowell: When I told my wife about this week’s question she laughed at me and said “Am I even your type?” I’m not really sure how to answer the question because my “type” and who I am married to overlap but aren’t the same thing. The musts are smart, funny, athletic, kind, patient (because holy hell do I take a lot of patience), tall, and the sort of magnetic eyes that make me blush, look at the floor, but then make it impossible to look anywhere else. So all that, but especially the eye thing.

Erika Star: I’ve always called my physical type “androgynous femme.” After Googling that term and having Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman appear, I now realize that she is my type and my expectations may be too high. Personality wise, my only criteria is their being able to beat me at Cards Against Humanity, sit through entire marathons of my favorite television programs including, but certainly not limited to, Dr. Quinn, Lois & Clark and Glee and for my dog to approve. Finding that someone is not as easy as one would think.

OK, so what kind of woman do you usually fall for?

 
 

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