Every now and again comes a character you loathe so much, you are happy to see them die a firey (fictional) death on one of your favorite shows. Sometimes they just move to Paris or are unexplainably gone forever, but regardless, you’re thrilled you’ll never have to see them on the screen again.
So this week, we’re talking about those characters we were so happy to say “PEACE OUT” to.
Dorothy Snarker: Joffrey, obviously, that insufferable little shit.
Also, I was so freaking happy when Criminal Minds dropped the whole let’s replace our established female characters with a younger, inexperienced female character crap they pulled with FBI Cadet Ashley Seaver. I like the actress Rachel Nichols just fine, but not on that show. Plus the paternal thing her character had going on with Rossi was just, SHUDDER.
Chloe: Watching Joffrey die was incredibly satisfying. Going way back, Marissa being killed off The O.C. Later deb.
Kim Hoffman: The best thing that Marissa Cooper (Mischa Barton) did on The O.C. was give Alex (Olivia Wilde) a chance. The second best thing she did was get in that car accident and die. I’m sorry if that sounds really fucked up of me, but I’m also not sorry, because girl was a buzzkill. All she ever did was make the people in her life constantly worry about her sanity and sobriety, though I appreciate her rock star moment when she threw that chaise lounge or whatever into the pool, ’cause it was the first episode of whatever season that was and she was day drinking and gave zero fucks. Also, I’m glad she stuck around long enough to live with Julie Cooper Nichol Cooper in that trailer, because that was cinematic. When she finally did get killed off, it’s not like the show improved or even stayed afloat all that much, but it was her inevitable demise—to die and go to Tijuana heaven where she could do all the blow and tequila shots she wanted.
Lucy Hallowell: Lyla Garrity. I loved Friday Night Lights and was bummed when some of the originals moved on or ended up with a diminished role but not Lyla. Anywhere but Texas forever, lady.
Elaine Atwell: I always thought a Buffy did a great job of showing characters the door when their moment had passed (with one heartbreaking exception). Angel and Buffy’s drama could never really progress because of his curse, so they gave him his own show. Cordelia Chase was a great mean girl, but she had no place in life after high school, so it was off to LA for her too.
Oz was holding Willow back from her lesbian destiny, so he was sent packing. It was refreshingly unsentimental about only keeping characters who forwarded the narrative. But the greatest departure of all was Riley, the boringest boyfriend in the world. I have never been so happy as when that helicopter bore him far, far away.
Dara Nai: My favorite TV episodes of all-time was when Screech and Urkel were killed instantly after getting hit by a car driven by Skylar White, causing her to swerve off the road and over a cliff, landing on Joffery Baratheon and Carl Grimes.
Bridget McManus: I was glad David Estes was taken out on Homeland. He was such a condescending dick to Carrie. And will someone please ax Paul in Orphan Black? I hate that dude.
Heather Hogan: One of the best things to happen to Parks and Recreation—maybe the very best thing, actually—was Paul Schneider leaving after the second season. It’s crazy now to even think that Mark Brendanawicz was ever a character on that show. We’ll remember the recurring goofballs of Pawnee way more than we’ll ever remember him, and he was a series regular. Honestly, I can’t even tell you anything about him right now and I know everything about Perd Hapley, Shauna Malwae-Tweep, Ethel Beavers, and Greg Pikitis (PIKITIS!)
So getting rid of his borningness was good and also Leslie’s deal with him was dumb and not very believable and also it paved the way for Adam Scott to woo us by playing one of the very best, very truest nerds in the history of TV. Ben Wyatt: Human Disaster. (“I didn’t really do model United Nations in high school. Oh, wait. I SUPER did.” “Look, who hasn’t had gay thoughts?” “Nerd culture is mainstream now. So when you use the word ‘nerd’ derogatorily, that means you’re the one that’s out of the Zeitgeist.” “They would never cancel Game of Thrones. It’s a crossover hit. It’s not just for fantasy enthusiasts; they’re telling human stories in a fantasy world!”)
Dana Piccoli: Izzie Stevens. By the end, it was abundantly clear that Kathryn Heigel did not want to be there. It just sucked the life out of every scene.
Grace Chu: It remains to be seen whether she miraculously survived the blunt force of Rosa’s runaway van, but Vee in Orange is the New Black was just too evil to exist. The incest scene followed by the hit on R.J. made my eyes bleed like a smallpox/ebola superbug. And she drove a wedge between Poussey and Taystee’s friendship; she should die for that alone.
Valerie Anne: Neal on Once Upon A Time. Even though in a show about flashbacks, you never truly lose someone (except apparently the only canon lesbian character approximately three seconds she is revealed to be a canon lesbian character) but it’s one less biological family member to try to claim to have more rights to parent Henry than the woman who adopted and raised him for his entire life.
Also the Birdwatchers on Orphan Black. Partially because anybody who hurts or wants to hurt anyone with Tatiana’s face earns a place on my “Would Use An Unforgivable Curse On” list, but also because of the badass way Mrs. S took them out. Don’t mess with the S.
Trish Bendix: I love Alan Cumming but, damn, I hated him on The L Word. Billie Blaikie was a slutastic party promoter that caused all kinds of trouble at The Planet. What’s interesting, though, is Alan writes about his experience on the show and includes this deleted scene on his website.