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The 7 most cringe-worthy moments on “Glee”

We’re more than halfway through Glee‘s seven-week hiatus, which is a pretty significant place on our on-a-break timeline, scientifically speaking. It’s right around this time when you’re taking some space from your girlfriend that you start to forget that she hates your friends, refuses to compromise, and pouts for days when she doesn’t get her way. All you know is you miss her warm embrace. So it’s my responsibility to remind you that even though she’s cute, your girlfriend is not without her liabilities. (In this analogy, Glee is your girlfriend and I am your therapist.)

I’m mostly joking. But no series of Glee lists would be complete without a look at the WOMP-WOMPs, so today we’re counting down the show’s seven most cringe-worthy moments.

New Directions steals from the deaf.

Glee is nothing if not patronizing when it comes to minorities, but when the glee kids started feeling so sorry for Haverbrook Deaf Choir’s hand-signed performance that they rushed onto stage to sing for them, it was just beyond the pale. Learn to share the stage, you spotlight whores!

Will Schuester sings the “Thong Song.”

Every time Will raps, God kills a baby dolphin. (Hate crime!) It is a wonder he didn’t flood the earth again when Will started gyrating around to Sisqo’s “Thong Song.” I think Will was trying to prove the point that the song was inappropriate for a wedding, but what he really did was prove the point that he needs to be muzzled.

Terri buys a baby bump.

I was like twelve years old watching Days Of Our Lives the first time I saw a fake pregnancy story. By that point in my daytime TV watching career, I’d seen a woman get buried alive while her archnemesis piped her own voice into the casket, a man come back from the dead at least eleven times, and another woman get possessed by the actual devil. But the fake baby storyline was just too over the top. Imagine my shock when the same storyline showed up 20 years later on the most popular show on primetime TV. I couldn’t believe I was being subjected to such a thing when I was a child; as an adult, it just enraged me.

Finn comes out for Santana.

You’re never going to convince me “I Kissed A Girl” was an acceptable episode of TV. Instead of letting Santana get comfortable with her sexuality at her own pace, to talk openly about it to her friends and family when she was ready – instead of affording her the same courtesy they gave Kurt, Glee‘s writers just went ahead and had Finn do all the heavy lifting for Santana’s coming out. The entire episode was a teachable moment for the straight white dude.

Sugar Motto shouts “Asperger’s.”

Glee goes out of its way to PSA gay things and wheelchair things and deaf things and minority things, except for Sugar’s autism. Her characters has backed off of it now, but in the early days of her inception, she said and did horrible things and then excused it by yelling “Asperger’s!” If the show treated all social stigmas that way, it’d be one thing, but they don’t. And singling out Asperger’s as the thing it’s OK to openly mock is unacceptable.

Everybody gets a wheelchair.

I can’t be alone in being offended by New Directions hopping in wheelchairs and scooting up and down ramps singing “Proud Mary” in a show of solidarity for Artie. “Rolling, rolling, rolling on a river?” Really, Glee? Really?

V-cards are the currency of Lima Heights.

Glee is obsessed with virginity. Grown-ass coach Bieste got a never-been-kissed storyline. Grown-ass Emma is still trapped in a can’t-have-sex storyline. But the most ludicrous virginity story was the one in which Rachel and Blaine decided they couldn’t properly convey passion on stage if they hadn’t had sex with their boyfriends. No one bothered to point out that acting is acting. It’s not like you have to slaughter a dozen people to play a serial killer. Rachel and Blained tried to seduce Finn and Kurt, respectively, for research purposes, and Blaine uttered the most atrocious line of dialogue ever written: “How are we, as virgins, supposed to follow that?” How am I, as a person with ears, supposed to take that kind of writing seriously?

Runner-up: Rachel pays Finn a dollar to kiss her. Just … girl, no! You are Rachel Motherf–king Berry! You look just like Lea Michele! The line of men and women waiting to kiss you wraps around the earth two times!

What do you think are the most cringe-worthy moments on Glee?

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