Yes, summer doesn't officially begin until June 21, but the folks in Hollywood like to start things off early, so the summer blockbusters season is officially beginning. Last year, movies like Spider-Man 3, Shrek the Third, Transformers, Ocean's 13 (and many others) took a lot of people to the movies, with total ticket sales amounting to almost $10 billion. This year, the grand total may not be that much, but with a little help from the following movies, it's likely to come close.

Here are the blockbusters you should watch out for, starting this week:

Speed Racer (May 9)

The cartoon series Speed Racer was a very successful adaptation of a Japanese anime originally called Mach GoGoGo. Still, I wouldn't make a movie out of it, but the Wachowski brothers thought it was a good idea. I really liked watching the show when I was a kid (seriously, how gay am I?), so I'm curious as to how they're going to adapt it. I'm also curious to see Trixie (Speed's girlfriend), played by Christina Ricci. Go Speed Racer, go!

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (May 22)

Indiana Jones (and Harrison Ford) is finally back for the fourth film in the series. No, Indy doesn't have a cane yet, but we'll meet an older version of the character, obviously. However, the character I'm most looking forward to meeting (as are you, probably) is Agent Irina Spalko, the evildoer played by the lovely Cate Blanchett. Actually, she'll play a Soviet Union agent. How hot is that? Yeah, not much, I guess. But not so bad either, in a sexy dominatrix kind of way (see the pictures and you'll know what I mean.) They can certainly count on my 10 bucks! … continue reading

Gearing up for the summer action movies, Lori and I list our favorite female action heroes of all time, from Bridget Fonda in Point of No Return (1993) to Halle Berry in Die Another Day (2002) to Michelle Yeoh in three movies, including the upcoming Mummy one.

Along the way, we lament the lack of non-martial arts roles for Asian American actresses, debate whether Harry Potter's Hermione can properly be considered an "action hero," and argue over the value of women in Bond movies.

Plus: which female action heroes were the most groundbreaking? Check out our answers, and then let us know if you agree in the comments.

… continue reading

What do Will Smith, Meryl Streep, Gillian Anderson, Steve Carrell, Cate Blanchett, and the young girl from Akele and the Bee have in common? They're all starring in movies we want to see this summer. (Archeology! Singing! Football! Not all in the same movie, fortunately.)

In this episode of SMMWT!, Lori and I discuss which movies coming out this summer we really want to see — and which ones we definitely don't. (One word: Baghead. Yes, that's right, it's a movie about a guy wearing a paper bag over his head. 'Nuff said.)

As you can tell by my voice and vague resemblance to road kill, I'm still recovering from the cold I got at Dinah, so please bear with me if I seem a little low-key. I'll be back up to full-speed soon, so enjoy my slower pace while it lasts (I know Lori is!).

What summer movies are you most looking forward to? Chime in in the comments!

You know that saying you can pick your friends but not your family? Well, what's true for us common folk is true for those folks running for the highest office in the land, too. You see, even presidential candidates like Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama can't escape the curse/blessing of unexpected relatives.

Earlier this week the New England Historic Genealogical Society uncovered distant relatives for all the major presidential contenders. Turns out if you're a Democrat, no matter how you vote, you're voting for the Brangelina Ticket. Those clever genealogists discovered that Obama is related to Brad Pitt and Clinton to Angelina Jolie. Talk about your dream ticket.

On the other side of the aisle, turns out Republican nominee John McCain is related to First Lady Laura Bush. But, yawn, enough about that old codger. Let's act like all the major media outlets and obsess about Hillary and Barack some more. As luck would have it, Brangelina isn't the two Democratic hopefuls' only interesting familial bonds.

Let's start with the senator from Illinois. It was discovered earlier in the campaign that he was cousins with Vice President Dick Cheney, but it appears his roots stretch even higher into the executive branch, or should we say shrub. You see, Obama is related to both Cheney and President George W. Bush.

Poor Barack, he does not seem to be taking this news well. But then, would you? Also on Obama's distant relative list are presidents George H.W. Bush, Gerald Ford, Lyndon Johnson, Harry S. Truman and James Madison as well as British Prime Minister Sir Winston Churchill and Civil War General Robert E. Lee.

Over in Camp Clinton, they're singing a happier tune. Besides Angelina, Hillary is related to singers Madonna, Celine Dion and Alanis Morissette. You know, I can see the family resemblance -- these are all strong women who aren't afraid to speak their mind and know what to do with a microphone.

Heck, Hill and daughter Chelsea looks so tickled about this news, you'd think they just won the lottery or -- you know -- the presidency. But then, like I said, wouldn't you?

So, anyone you wish you were related to? Any surprises in your family tree? That is, other than your crazy uncle Wally. … continue reading

Another Friday, another new movie trailer. But don't be confused by the title on this one. Wanted isn't an Angelina Jolie biopic. Instead, it's an Angelina Jolie action-thriller.

Earlier this week, the new, longer, more action-packed trailer for the summer spectacular Wanted came out. It's things like this I can really get behind, so to speak.

The film, based on the graphic novel series by Mark Millar, looks like a mix of old-fangled shoot 'em up and newfangled bending of the laws of physics. It revolves around a secret society of assassins, dubbed the Fraternity. Morgan Freeman plays the Fraternity's leader, Sloan; James McAvoy is its hapless newcomer, Wes, and Angie is its ace assassin, Fox. Gosh, if there were ever a name that matched its character. Give the trailer a look and see for yourself (see it in hi-def here):

Hmm. In general I'm of the "more Jolie, the Jolier" school of thought, but I'm getting a distinct sense of déjà vu with this preview. We've seen action Angie before in the Tomb Raider films. We've seen secret agent Angie in Mr. & Mrs. Smith. … continue reading

Recently, I have been contemplating getting another tattoo. After all, it has been scientifically proven that they are hot. Before I get inked, however, there are two things I have to decide on first: the design and the placement.

Now you see why I am holding out. There is nothing worse than a bad tattoo.

Let's be real, though: The design options are endless; the placement options are not. And what better way to decide where to permanently mark my body than by looking to celebrities for guidance? It seems to be the trend.

First, there's the old-school armband that Pamela Anderson made popular.

Her thoughts on body art?

"Tattoos are like stories — they're symbolic of the important moments in your life. Sitting down, talking about where you got each tattoo and what it symbolizes, is really beautiful."

But what exactly does barbed wire symbolize? Oh, right: There was that 1996 movie written by someone named Ilene Chaiken. But I digress.

Moving on, I present to you arms and wrists.

Clockwise from top left: Winona Ryder, Jessica Alba, Alanis Morissette and Tegan and Sara.

(See more of Tegan and Sara's tattoos here.)

Of course, I could follow the examples of Megan Fox, Alyssa Milano and Christina Ricci and choose the back of my shoulder. … continue reading

The shine isn’t even off the 2008 Academy Awards yet, but I say on to 2009! What? No point dwelling in the past. While it’s still an entire year until the next set of statuettes gets handed out, it’s never too early to be totally wrong with your Academy Award predictions. Here’s a quick look at 10 upcoming projects that caught my eye and maybe, possibly, with any luck, might catch Oscar’s eye as well.

The Argentine/Guerilla: An ambitious two-film project by Steven Soderbergh about Latin American revolutionary Che Guevara, starring Benicio Del Toro, Franka Potente, Benjamin Bratt and Catalina Sandino Moreno. Viva la revolucion!

Australia: Moulin Rouge maestro Baz Luhrmann returns with an epic love story set during World War II, about an English aristocrat (Nicole Kidman) who teams with a ranch hand (Hugh Jackman) to herd cattle across the outback. Sounds like Far and Away meets City Slickers. I kid, I kid.

Burn After Reading: All you need to know is Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Tilda Swinton, Frances McDormand and John Malkovich in a political comedy-thriller about top-secret CIA information falling into the wrong hands — and it's directed by the Coen brothers. Yes, please.

The Changeling: Angelina Jolie may get her 2008 Oscar snub revenge with this Clint Eastwood–directed Prohibition-era thriller about a woman whose kidnapped son is returned, but he could be the wrong child. Clint has been money when it comes to Oscar nominations these past few years, so Angelina, start thinking up a snappy speech. … continue reading

I have an Academy Awards fantasy. This Sunday, when the presenter opens the envelope for Best Achievement in Directing, I envision audible gasps, then stunned silence and, finally, thunderous applause when un-nominated Kasi Lemmons benefits from a secret write-in campaign and wins for Talk to Me.

And then, for the hell of it, Sarah Polley wins an Honorable Mention for Away From Her.

I suspect, however, that one of the actual nominees will win. (I'm pulling for Jason Reitman — Juno.) But this does not change the sad truth that sometimes the best movies and performers do not get nominated, and sometimes the absolutely wrong performers and movies win.

It can be pretty tough to figure out the logic. For example, my brother noted that the longest — read poorly edited — movies often win Best Editing. (As he elaborated, “All 28 hours of The English Patient beat Fargo in 1997.) And the acting nominees sometimes reflect the most offensive scenery-chewing.

Of course, my brother and I are not the only ones to spew righteous indignation about the state of Academy Awards affairs. I recently read a pretty good list of the Worst Oscars Ever, some of which I agreed with and some of which I disagreed with. And this led me to compile my own list of Academy Awards Travesties — the performers and movies that stole the awards that should have rightfully gone to more deserving others. … continue reading

That's the headline over at Eonline.com, anyway. We all know that Reese Witherspoon doesn't hesitate to speak up about women's issues from a feminist perspective, and this time she's addressing women's roles in Hollywood. She's been promoting her upcoming quirky little film called Penelope.

If you missed the 9 out of 10 movies that manage to pigeonhole talented actresses into tiny, underutilized roles or stereotypes, here's her take. Witherspoon wants a shot. At playing a badass with a gun, that is. And she's annoyed with shoot-'em-ups that feature some dude gunning down the baddies and saving the day. Or the woman, or the world, or any combination thereof. (I think I've seen the trailer for that movie under three different titles this week.) Her words:

"Why does the guy get to shoot him? I want the girl to shoot him! I love watching Angelina Jolie kick ass in Mr. & Mrs. Smith, and I can't wait to see her in Wanted. I would love to shoot someone. In the kneecap or something, just to stop them!"

Well. Hardly the words of a steel-nerved gunslinger. It's true she's no Angelina Jolie, but maybe I can see it. But even after gunning somebody down, you know Reese would end up looking more innocent and wholesome than before she drew the gun. Even leather chaps and a motorcycle helmet make her look petite. The stills from Penelope just make me want to pat her on the head. … continue reading

The one time of the year we don’t get up to use the bathroom during commercial breaks has come and gone, and it’s time to assess whether our impending bladder infections were worth it. In short, never mind the game: How about them Super Bowl ads?

If you like cute animals, disembodied hearts and a nearly naked Angelina Jolie, it was probably a good night for you. Here's a rundown of some of the more female- (and fauna-) centered spots from the broadcast and my picks for the best, most boring and just plain bad ads.

The Best

Bridgestone: What’s better than talking animals? Screaming animals. I didn’t say my taste was all highbrow. P.S. Does anyone else think this squirrel is related to the famous Dramatic Prairie Dog?

Budweiser: Maybe I had too much of their product beforehand, but the whole "Rocky of the animal kingdom" thing worked for me. … continue reading

The results are in. Thanks to E-Poll Market Research, we now know which celebrities the American public finds the most “appealing, confident, glamorous, interesting and over-exposed, among other qualities.” (This was voted on by approximately 1,100 people ages 13 and up, so rest assured it's based on a completely accurate demographical slice of the American pie.)

Here's who topped the list of Most Popular Celebrities:

I have to admit, I was a little surprised by this. I know Reese Witherspoon won an Oscar for Walk the Line and all, but she knocked out a couple of tabloid heavyweights at numbers two and three:

I guess Witherspoon has been giving Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie a run in the competition for Most Likely to Show Up on a Tabloid Cover, what with the divorce from Ryan Phillippe and the reported fling with Jake Gyllenhaal. Looking at who rounds out the top of the list, I suspect tabloid presence was the primary qualification. … continue reading

The Golden Globes have been canceled, but the the writers’ strike didn’t prevent the live broadcast of the Critics' Choice Awards from pressing on last night. But the strike it did have its effects. Many winners noted that they were speaking off the cuff because they wanted to respect the strike and did not write speeches.

Host D.L. Hughley’s commentary was incredibly awkward, and it seemed that all his jokes were about race. Probably the oddest comment of the night for me came when Hughley dubbed Brad Pitt an “honorary black person” for seemingly no reason. And several times Hughley told the crowd that they needed to lighten up and laugh once in a while.

Despite that, there were many bright spots during the evening. For one, it seemed that every two minutes Pitt and AfterEllen.com’s No. 2 hottie, Angelina Jolie, were on the screen, looking just as fabulous as ever.

Additionally, there were some fantastic female winners throughout the evening.

Nikki Blonsky, breakout star of Hairspray, won the award for Best Young Actress.

Blonsky shared the award for Best Acting Ensemble with the rest of the Hairspray cast, which includes Queen Latifah (AfterEllen.com Hot 100 No. 55), Amanda Bynes, Michelle Pfeiffer, Allison Janney, Brittany Snow and, of course, John Travolta in drag. … continue reading

Earlier this week, the British film magazine Empire, the biggest-selling of its niche in the U.K., published its “100 Sexiest Movie Stars” list. The list aims to represent “the most fanciable in film as voted by you” (can you hear the sexy British accent?).

Angelina Jolie took the No. 1 spot on the list, ahead of Brad Pitt, who came in 7th place. The top 100 included men and women, living and deceased.

Also making the list were Natalie Portman (No. 2), Jessica Alba (No. 4), Eva Green (No. 6), Scarlett Johansson (No. 8), Kiera Knightley (No. 9), Halle Berry (No. 12), Marilyn Monroe (No. 14), Jessica Biel (No. 16), Anne Hathaway (No. 18) and Kate Winslet (No. 20). I’ll stop now, because we do have to draw a line somewhere. … continue reading

Think you're underpaid? Think the guy three cubicles down from you is overpaid? Well, take heart. Your pay scale cannot be as wonky and egregious as that of the Hollywood elite. Forbes magazine did some complex calculations based on some superstars' last three films (don't ask me to explain the equation; I'm a writer and therefore allergic to math). They found that some were paid appropriately based on their rate of return, and others were vastly overpaid. Now, I may not be good at math, but duh.

The high and low ends of the scale belonged to male stars. Matt Damon had the best pay-to-profit ratio; for every $1 he earned, his films grossed $29. The worst? Russell Crowe — for each $1 he made, his films made $5. Talk about your fuzzy math. Of course, I'm most interested to see how the female A-listers fared. … continue reading