You know when you hate your sexist, egotistical, lying, hypocritical bigot boss and fantasize about poisoning his coffee, and then accidentally poison his coffee, and then keep him in bondage for a while until you can get documents with which to blackmail him, and then while he's indisposed, you make your company women-friendly while you dramatically increase productivity? I know ... it's an old story and we've all been there. But, still, Hollywood managed to make that tired plot fresh back in 1980 with Dolly Parton, Lilly Tomlin and Jane Fonda in the comedy classic 9 to 5. And now (drum roll, please), 9 to 5 is on the cusp of becoming a stage musical.

Take a moment to guess how much I love the movie. Did you guess “a lot”? If you did, you're right. As a general rule, I'm not a big fan of slapstick — and there are moments when the movie gets too slapsticky for me — but I love that movie. Love it. I don't love every Dolly Parton movie (although, embarrassingly, I do have a certain fondness for Rhinestone), but I love most of them, and I still think Doralee Rhodes is her best role. … continue reading

If you’re ever at a Star Trek convention and things get a little boring, here are six words guaranteed to stir the pot. “Best Star Trek captain ever. Discuss.” Entire websites are devoted to the Kirk vs. Picard debate, and it’s not a subject that Trekkies take lightly. Here at AfterEllen.com, however, no discussion is necessary. The best Star Trek captain is obvious.

News of Star Trek XI, directed by J.J. Abrams, has fueled new debate, since the movie’s storyline is a prequel to the original series and requires casting younger versions of Kirk & crew. Our own globalgrrl had a Psychic Friends moment when she correctly put Zoë Saldana in the role of Uhura.

That got me thinking: If an AfterEllen.com woman can cast a part so perfectly, imagine the lineup if AfterEllen.com cast an entire Star Trek film. Especially if the film had an all-female cast. Now we’re talking. I can almost see the marquee. “AfterEllen.com presents: Star Trek L: Revenge of the Manatees.” … continue reading

One of the joys of home ownership is that you and you alone are responsible for fixing things. This means that when the roof leaks, you either have to get up there and fix it yourself or pay someone else to do it for you. When the leak is the result of hail damage, you get to call your insurance company and get a rather large check in order to pay someone else to come out and fix the roof. When they fix the roof, they take all the old stuff off and put new stuff on. This includes removing and re-installing your satellite dish.

Why am I boring you with all these details? Well, when the roof people re-install your satellite dish, they may or may not get it lined up correctly. If it's not lined up correctly, you spend days watching a blank television screen. While watching a blank screen, you may learn something about yourself. Here's what I have learned. I want my, I want my, I want my HDTV. Apparently, I have become addicted to television. I was blissfully unaware of my addiction until my dish went dead.

My television is almost always on, whether I am watching it or not. It provides the background noise to my life — the soundtrack, if you will. Well, without a dish providing a signal, my television has become a large box in the corner staring blankly outward to mock me. In order to get the television to stop its mocking and provide me with picture and sound, I'm relegated to "rabbit ears." For all you youngsters out there, that's how we old folk used to watch television when we had four channels and our youngest sibling was the remote. … continue reading

Love her or loathe her (though how a person could do the latter, I don't know), it's tough to deny that Dolly Parton is one of a kind — the sort of celebrity whose unique public persona is as well known in a country kitchen as it is in an industry board room.

Since I fall squarely into the love her camp (pun adoringly intended), I've got a lot to look forward to. Last week, Parton announced that in February of 2008, she plans to release a new studio album, followed by a tour with stops in the US, Canada, Europe and Australia. Add this to earlier summer news that the long-planned 9 to 5 musical is getting closer to opening curtains, and it's a darn good time to be a Parton fan. Just look at how happy she and her 1980 9 to 5 costars Lily Tomlin and Jane Fonda were at last year's Sexist, Egotistical, Lying Hypocritical Bigot Edition release party. … continue reading

Some of you may have heard of "development hell." This is the pit of red tape and phone tag that happens when a movie becomes mired, seemingly endlessly, in the development stage. A film can have a big-name director and A-list stars attached to it for years before it extricates itself from this Hollywood quagmire. This week, in 20 Movies Not Coming Soon to a Theater Near You, Premiere.com lists 20 films they'd like to see "dug out of development hell and brought to a multiplex near you."

I'm not sure what to think of Premiere.com, because of the 20 flicks they listed, about three of them had women in them. Personally, I'm glad most of these movies haven't made it out of development hell. I'd like Hollywood to attempt (I know it's hard for them, but come on) to make more movies that tell stories of interest to the majority of the population — not teenage guys.

Nonetheless, here are the lesbianish highlights from the list:

The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay: Based on Michael Chabon's Pulitzer Prize-winning novel about two immigrant cousins who create a comic book, the film was set to star Natalie Portman and Tobey Maguire.

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Queen Latifah will star in a remake of All of Me, the 1984 film with Steve Martin and Lily Tomlin. Latifah will also be an executive producer on the remake.

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I get excited at the mere mention of Latifah's name, but I'm not sure All of Me should be remade.

Jane Curtin -- where the hell has she been lately? -- has been cast in the NBC pilot Nice Girls Don't Get the Corner Office. The corner office? In my experience, they don't get an office at all. But OK.

The series relays the misadventures of a woman who "struggles to make it in the corporate world." Curtin will play a "feared and respected secretary." So, like a modern day 9 to 5, then? Speaking of which, have you seen the incredible David O. Russell freakout? Poor Lily Tomlin.

Curtin was last seen in Crumbs. I tried to watch that — just for her — but it was pretty bad.