For a channel that nobody’s watching, the CW Network sure is in the press a lot this summer.

From rumors of Gossip Girl spin-offs to the revival of 90210 (and its casting announcements) is the network finding itself with a little momentum? Maybe? Just a little? The network has even gone creative in trying to figure out how to save itself. It’s asking a production company to program its Sunday nights since I guess it couldn’t manage to do itself. For a while it was being reported that the plug might be pulled on the entire thing! We’ve all heard of canceling a show but canceling an entire network?

Who cares about the CW, you ask? Well, I’ll tell you who cares, darn it! OK, fine, not a whole bunch of people it seems, and that’s the real problem it’s facing. If a network airs a show and no one is there to watch it does it make a sound?

The CW, the current home of both Gossip Girl and America’s Next Top Model, formed in 2006 as a combination of the old UPN and WB networks. It was purposely designed to appeal to the 18-34 demographic sort of like one of its predecessors the WB. That now defunct network had its share of hits (and favorites of many AfterEllen.com readers) like Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Dawson’s Creek, Felicity, Charmed and Popular. (Whoa, that would sure make a good network line-up, no?) … continue reading

Recently the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences announced that it has approved a new Emmy Award category for Outstanding Host for a Reality or Reality-Competition Program. The competitive shoe will be on the other foot when the hosts battle it out with each other at the 2008 Emmy Awards. The category is open to hosts only so "reactive participants or judges" are not eligible to receive the award (sorry, Paula Abdul.)

Hosting is no easy task: each week these women help us wade through the competitive waters of posing, food plating, dating and hem lines. Let’s hope that some of these ladies have a chance at Emmy gold when they go up against some of the already assumed male nominees (I’m talking to you, Seacrest.)

Padma Lakshmi

Cookbook author, model, recent Hot 100 listmaker, and an ambassador for the United Nations Development Fund for Women: what is not to love about Padma Lakshmi? The TV host of Bravo’s Top Chef has the dutiful tasks of explaining elimination challenges and sitting at judges table critiquing the creations of talented chefs each week. A typical day for Padma may include discerning which tastes better: braised and grilled beef short ribs with mushrooms or a truffle and cognac cream macaroni and cheese? Talk about Sophie’s choice.

Padma balances respectability and likeability among the contestants despite having to be the one to deliver her signature send off to the ousted chefs each week: “Please pack your knives and go.” See, she even says “please.” What other host on reality TV has that kind etiquette? … continue reading

Well kids, I’ve made my peace with the finale of America’s Next Top Model. Believe me, if I’d written this recap as the credits were rolling, it most likely would have consisted of “Are you kidding me? What? No, no, no, no, no!” over and over and over. Now that I’ve had time to think about it, though, the inevitable win of Whitney seems for the best.

That’s right — good ol’ Plussie has won the almighty Cover Girl contract. It’s Whitney’s face you’ll be seeing in Wal-Marts everywhere, and during the next cycle of ANTM, we’ll learn all about her life as a Cover Girl (which, I hope, will be a hell of a lot more exciting than Tootie’s after her Cycle 9 win — not that wearing hair nets and visiting makeup factories isn’t exciting). All snark aside, congrats to Whitney for being the first plus size — excuse me — full-figured model to win on the show.

Photo credit: Jim DeYonker/The CW

Still, Anya was robbed. Robbed I say! I knew this going in, as some overenthusiastic East Coast friends spoiled the results for me. Had I been completely in the dark, however, the ridiculously slanted editing of this episode would have telegraphed the ending to me in 10-foot neon glittery letters that lasered directly into my brain.

The three remaining amigos — rather, the two remaining amigos and Fatima — immediately embarked on the most important mission yet: they’ve got to rescue the President! Wait, sorry: they’ve got to shoot commercials and print ads for Cover Girl. But the pressure is still high, and it’s so high, in fact, that Anya cries out of nervousness. It’s kind of like watching a rainbow fall down and squish a puppy.

Photo credit: Pottle Productions Inc./The CW

The last Cover Girl commercial the girls shot was The Italian Nightmare (“Brasilia!”), so they’re all a bit nervous; fortunately, the script is in English and there’s no movement required. They’ve all just got to stand there and talk about how awesome their mascara is, or something. The script may have been in English, but it was such a friggin’ tongue twister and they all had so much trouble with it that I couldn’t make out much more than “New lash blast last fast Cover Girl blast if a wood chuck could chuck wood.” … continue reading

This week's episode of America's Next Top Model, "Ready for My Close-up," was so intense and fierce it really separated the girls from the women … or should I say the men from the women? Yes, it was time to say goodbye to America 's Next Top Drag Queen, as Dominique got the boot.

Photo credit: Elizabeth Carrillo/The CW

Whoa whoa whoa. It seems I've got to check myself before I wreck myself! First of all, the only reason I know that this week's episode was "intense" and "fierce" is because all of the models kept telling me it was. They kept insisting things were heating up, but I found myself remaining decidedly room-temperature throughout the hour.

I'm not sure if it's due to the fact that my girlfriends Claire and Katarzyna are now but fading memories, but I just … well, I hate to say it but I just don't care anymore. I'm not particularly rooting for anyone (well, maybe Anya), and I feel a bit "meh" about the whole affair. My ANTM life no longer has meaning!

The Final Four (Anya, Dominique, Whitney and Fatima) really went on the attack this week, talking smack about each other (and themselves) virtually nonstop. Fatima insists that she came to America's Next Top Model with a "mission," and said mission is "to win." Geez, I wonder why all those other girls applied to the show? Call me crazy, but I think there's a chance that maybe some of them have the same mission. Except for that one confused girl who kept insisting that her mission is "to save lives" — the poor thing thinks she auditioned for America's Next Top Cancer Researcher. … continue reading

My friends, I write this mini-recap with a heavy heart: My girl Katarzyna has been sent packing. Sure, I'm giving it away right off the bat, but anyone who watched the first five minutes of the episode could tell from the edit who was going home. Those five minutes featured more Kata than the rest of the season combined. I held out hope that maybe I'd be wrong, but alas, my favorite is not going to be America 's Next Top Model. Oh well, at least I got to see her in a cheesy gladiator outfit before she split.

Photo credit: Elizabeth Carrillo/The CW

Yes, a gladiator outfit. The remaining girls (Kata, Fatima, Whitney, Anya and Dominique) are given a brief lesson in throwing down gladiator-style, and then they're immediately thrust into a mini-photo shoot, the idea of which is to maintain composure and elegance whilst pretending to beat the crap out of some big muscle-laden dude. I don't know about you, but that sounds like just another Friday night to me.

Photo credit: Elizabeth Carrillo/The CW

And so the wannabe models thrust their swords high…or in some cases, attempt to. Anya is as Anya does, meaning she does great. … continue reading

I've learned not to claim disdain for reality television. I'd love to, sure, but I'm so hopelessly addicted to America's Next Top Model that I have no room to talk smack. And after last night's episode — one of the most hilarious I've ever seen — I can say with assurance that I'm not heading to ANTM rehab anytime soon.

The final six contestants (Anya, Katarzyna, Whitney, Lauren, Fatima and Dominique) headed to Rome this week, got brief lessons in the Italian modeling industry, and filmed some truly awful Cover Girl commercials. There was so much to love in this episode, I don't even know where to begin.

Left to right: Lauren, Whitney, Katarzyna, Anya and Dominique

All photos by Elizabeth Carrillo/The CW

Well, I could start at the beginning, when Anya charmingly face-planted coming out of the van. I'm not kidding when I say "charmingly" — I don't know what it is about Anya, but she's so sweet and cute and nice and upbeat that she must be made out of unicorns or something. Unicorns covered in glitter. And rainbows. With sprinkles on top. … continue reading

Tyra Banks makes me tired. A full weekend for me is when I watch a movie and do a load of laundry but Tyra Banks, our favorite supermodel, turned talent scout/reality show star turned talk show host apparently wasn't busy enough this past Friday so she decided to create her own award show to honor past America's Top Model contestants in the first annual "Fiercee Awards" (yes two Es) which will air on an upcoming episode of The Tyra Banks Show.

Tyra Banks is not only the most successful entrepreneur in the world but she's also a MACHINE!

Tyra's endless efforts to give young women self-esteem exhausts me. Ironically, Tyra makes me feel bad about myself since I can't even move my car on street sweeping day to avoid a parking ticket let alone invent my own award show.

Here are some past ANTM contestants all dressed up for the big event:

Bianca Golden

Camille McDonald

Caridee English

… continue reading

As promised, Lori and I are finally back on the interweb with a new episode of She Made Me Watch This!

This week, we talk about that ridiculous lesbian kiss in the Lipstick Jungle season finale; the new Judy Greer comedy Miss Guided; Marlee Matlin and Kristi Yamaguchi on Dancing with the Stars; the status of the queer women currently on Survivor and Top Chef; and the tragedy that was Marvita's haircut on America's Next Top Model (A mullet, Tyra? Really?)

We also wander off-topic to discuss how Lori spent her time in Alaska; why the apartment is completely re-arranged every time I come home from work these days; and how I supposedly don't treat my iPods very well (is it my fault they don't like being dropped?). There's also a near-miss with one of the bunnies that gives Lori a mild heart attack on-camera. Good times!

One apology: Because we had to marathon the last few episodes of Lipstick Jungle in order to talk about it for the vlog, we didn't get started on filming this until late in the evening, and by the time we got to a decent take, we were more than a little sleepy (I think it was around 2am). So we're sorry if our energy was a little low on this one — we're definitely going to start earlier next time!

Speaking of next time — if there's interest, we thought we'd add a segment at the end of SMMWT! answering reader questions related to TV and movies (so, not questions about AfterEllen.com in general or personal advice questions, more like "when is X show coming out on DVD?" and "why did they cancel [fill in the blank], or "What do you think of the show Y?"). So if you have any questions like that, please feel free to leave them in the comments and we'll try to answer them in the next episode or two.

It with sadness in our hearts (and apple juice in our veins) that we humbly submit to you our very last vlogs for Cycle 9 of America's Next Top Model.

It's been a wild ride. We watched the girls pose, cry, and not smoke all the way to the bitter end. This time around, we glam up and discuss our theories about why models should be seen and not heard, why "stomp to the death" should be a literal term, and what Dara has in common with Mr. Peanut. And for your viewing pleasure, we've included not one but two thrill-packed reenactments. Because we care. Repeat offender Beloved guestbian Bridget McManus joins us again for the finale, as does her monocle. … continue reading

We're getting down to it now; we're in the home stretch of this season of America's Next Top Model. And if it weren't for the boredom factor of the last few episodes, the suspense would be killing us!

This week, we were missing our girl Jill Bennett (who is shooting a movie), so we invited another gorgeous, funny lesbian, comedian Bridget McManus, to fill in for her. Bridget is like that substitute teacher you had planned to harass and whose life you were going to make a living hell (just because you can), until you walked into the classroom, looked her up and down, said, "Vavoom!" and decided instead to give her the eye and a big, shiny apple. Or a big, shiny apple martini. Whatever works for you.

And did I mention that Bridget can totally rock a monocle?

Anyway, Bridget shared the sofa with me and Dara this week, bearing witness to (the cringe-fest of) the traditional ANTM go-sees, Bianca finally shutting up and just winning a challenge, and Jenah pissing off Tyra.

In addition, Bridget arrived with a slew of wigs (is she perfect for us or what?!) and an open mind, which you all know is a dangerous combination in the We're Getting Nowhere world. Behold her brilliance in not one but two reenactments! … continue reading

The Top Model contestants continued their adventures in China this week, and we learned that no matter where they go, there they are — being bitchy.

In the most recent episode of ANTM, the girls take to the friendly skies and learn some nifty aerial fighting tricks a la Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. In short, Heather does surprisingly well, Bianca chickens out, and Michelle Yeoh has nothing to worry about. Check out our reenactment of the challenge with some unlucky (and not very athletic) dolls.

In addition to the Top Model acrobatics, this week we discuss:

• Why Saleisha let us down
• What kind of "queen" Cover Girl spokesmodel Queen Latifah is looking for
• How Bianca is like an ant

Also, in another We're Getting Nowhere bonus feature, the "lost" ANTM contestants, Loquacious, Lorelai and Natalia, audition for a Cover Girl commercial. It's not nearly as glamorous as it sounds. … continue reading

If you've needed to catch up on your sleep, the most recent ANTM offered a stellar opportunity. There was hardly any crying or fighting, and despite the proximity of pyrotechnics, the photo shoot was less than hot. The episode was just plain boring.

Nevertheless, there were some developments for us to discuss. Heather worked hard to maintain her composure in the face of criticism, Lisa tripped over her words on the runway, and Bianca struggled to keep her big mouth shut. Again. Most importantly, the models learned that they will soon be doing some international traveling! (Cue group squeal.)

In addition to the Heather/Bianca/Lisa drama, this week we discuss:

• What happens when the models are forced to write and recite their own speeches on the runway
• Why Heather, Lisa and Saleisha ended up bathing together in the ANTM communal shower
• How Dara, Jill and I fared in our respective high school gym classes. I'm not even sure how we landed on this topic, but then we don't call this vlog We're Getting Nowhere for nothing!

Also, in another We're Getting Nowhere bonus feature, the "lost" ANTM contestants, Loquacious, Lorelai and Natalia, meet with FIDM students and inspire their original designs. (Though I'm not sure that "inspire" is really the best word to describe what those models do to those poor students.) … continue reading