Before I get into the mayhem that was last night’s show, I would like to first lament the unfortunate and untimely loss of Carly Smithson. I admittedly didn’t see that one coming. But, such is the life of an Idol fan.

Photo credit: Michael Becker/FOX

Plus, I can always find solace in the knowledge that she will certainly be putting out a record of some sort within the next year or so. And I have faith that this one has to be better than her first one.

Now, let’s get to the task at hand. Last night’s American Idol can best be summed up by quoting Simon Cowell: “This is officially the strangest show we’ve ever done.”

Photo credit: Michael Becker/FOX

With Neil Diamond mentoring and only five contestants left, this week marked the first of the season where we get to hear more than one song per person. That fact alone is standard, but where they decided to shake things up was in the judging. At the beginning of the show, Ryan Seacrest announced that the judging would be held off until after each contestant sings both songs song. Fair enough. And so, the singing began. … continue reading

Attention, Joss Whedon fans. I want you to look around before reading this post. I mean it: Please take careful note of your surroundings. Be on particular lookout for small children and the elderly. If you see either, I want you to find a pencil, put it in your mouth and bite down. This will prevent you from making loud, delirious and possibly profane pronouncements of joy that could frighten and/or alarm the young and weak-hearted. Because believe me when I tell you that this news is going to make you scream. Are you ready? Pencil in place?

Joss has a new TV show. And — chomp down a little harder — he is bringing Eliza Dushku back to TV with him.

I know, right?! When I heard this, I made an involuntary part-squeal, part-screech, part-strangled chicken sound that scared the cat. Joss and television are like bacon and a cheeseburger. They’re both great apart, but together they’re nothing short of genius. To wit, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, Firefly. Stop me if you’re familiar. … continue reading

Good news for Faith fans: Eliza Dushku just signed a development deal with Fox to work with the network on future projects.

The deal includes developing projects specifically for Dushku as well as reviewing current scripts with her to find a role that fits. Personally, I think they found that role long ago with Tru Calling, but not enough viewers agreed with me to make it a ratings success. By the way, Fox, you still owe us an ending.

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Wait, wasn’t Dushku supposed to be in Nurses on Fox this fall? Turns out, the series – which also starred the marvelous Sara Rue – wasn’t picked up. I wish they’d at least show the pilot. According to a review from thefutoncritic.com, one scene has Dushku’s character tackle an unruly patient who accidentally rips off her shirt in the scuffle. Some things are meant to be seen, people.

Attention all AfterEllen.com readers: the jig is up! Our secret "national underground network" of violent lesbian gangs aimed at criminal activity and recruiting girls into the homosexual lifestyle has been exposed, and we must now move to Plan B (colonizing Mars).

Yes, that's what Fox's The O'Reilly Factor actually suggested last week (except for the Mars part, although I'm sure someone will suggest shipping us all there any day now) in a segment they aired about the growing problem of lesbian gangs terrorizing heterosexuals by stabbing and beating them, and brandishing pink guns (as if any self-respecting lesbian would carry a pink gun).

The claims were made by host Bill O'Reilly and "Fox crime analyst" Rod Wheeler (picture above, right), a former homicide detective who is clearly either mentally unbalanced, confused, willing to say anything to get on camera, or thinks every woman who isn't interested in him is a lesbian (or D, all of the above).

I could analyze how ridiculous and unsubstantiated Wheeler's claims are, point out their similarity to the outrageous stories the Nazis made up about the Jews back in the day, or question how such clearly inflammatory and inaccurate assertions based on distorted information got past even Bill O'Reilly's fact-checkers, but other bloggers have already done so quite handily (see here, here, here, and here, plus check out this gay male take, and this well-researched rebuttal).

Instead, I'll just make fun of it. Because what else can you do in the face of such insanity? (Well, besides telling Fox what you think about these outlandish claims, boycotting companies that advertise on The O'Reilly Factor, and reading more about O'Reilly's record of distortion, all of which I plan to do shortly).

Here are a few of the choicer statements made in the segment:

O'REILLY: In Tennessee, authorities say a lesbian gang called GTO, Gays Taking Over, are involved in raping young girls. And in Philadelphia, a lesbian gang called DTO, Dykes Taking Over, are allegedly terrorizing people, as well.

Yes, and here in my New York apartment, we have regular meetings of LSOC (Lesbians Sitting on the Couch), where we brandish hard plastic remotes menacingly at our television set while cruelly biting down on popcorn kernels. Quick, catch us before we strike again! … continue reading

Entertainment Weekly recently expressed some faith that On the Lot is about to get better. Like, any day now. The reality show, in which wannabe Spielbergs vie for a development deal, has struggled mightily and has abysmal ratings. I keep trying to watch it, but I'm just about ready to throw a hissy fit and eat my pain at the craft services table.

So here are my five reasons to give up on On the Lot:

5. They keep retooling the show.
Obviously this is a chicken-and-egg thing — does it suck because they keep retooling it, or do they keep retooling it because it sucks? — but it makes the show very difficult to fast-forward through. Most cable viewers who have TiVos and DVRs expect to be able to zip through a show at lightning speed, and that doesn't work if the show doesn't have a predictable structure. Every reality show of this nature should pattern itself after American Idol structurally, at least until something better comes along.

4. Film does not lend itself to snap judgments.
I guess I prove the contrary point every day on this site, but in all seriousness, it just doesn't seem fair to vote for someone based on one film. Everyone's always saying it's such a complex medium, so shouldn't the show reflect that?

On American Idol and So You Think You Can Dance, each performance seems to stand on its own and you feel comfortable making an assessment of just those few moments in time. But the contestants' short films on On the Lot aren't real-time performances: They're submissions, prepared ahead of time and deserving considered analysis. How can I vote for my favorite when I haven't really absorbed anyone's work? Real-time voting should be reserved for real-time art. … continue reading