This week, our Scientistics team decided to try our hand at some art. No, not creating art — our skill set is limited to charts made by Excel and Photoshop. We decided to try our hand at appraising art.

We selected three paintings that were up for auction, and taking into consideration all of the information we learned from the headsets at London's National Gallery and the Louvre, we assigned each painting a monetary value.

This little fingerpainting on canvas we figure could fetch about $50 from a proud parent.

This one is a little creepier, what with the eternal eye starting at you like something Orwellian, but we figure a doting aunt would also pay around $50. … continue reading

The other day I bumped into a friend of mine from high school whom I had not seen since she wrote the letters “K.I.T.” in my yearbook. After our awkward hug hello, the immediate question to follow was, “So what have you been up to?”

In the course of 10 minutes standing on a busy street corner, we summed up our lives, CliffsNotes style. She immediately tells me she is married with kids, and she is working at some law firm with three last names that I couldn’t possibly ever recall. The conversation then turns to me, and I have the always-awesome task of coming out — again. I tell my former classmate where I am working and that I am now living with my girlfriend of three years. I then wait for an awkward and befuddled face, and on cue, it arrives. After the momentary shock settles in, she becomes more intrigued than anything, and thus more conversation ensues:

“How’d you meet her?”

“I thought you might be gay in high school!"

“Did you like anyone in our grade?”

And then the dialogue I wasn’t expecting:

Former classmate: What kind of lesbian is your girlfriend?
Lesbian: Um, I’m sorry. What?
Former Classmate: You know, is she like an Ellen-type person, or more like a Portia de Rossi? Or is she like k.d. Lang or like that woman on Bravo with the gym?
Lesbian: Jackie Warner.
Former Classmate: Yes! Jackie Warner. See, you know!

While I could understand the curiosity surrounding her questions, I found it remarkable that she asked them. I mean, she told me she was married, and I didn’t launch into a litany of male celebrities: “So what’s your husband like? Is he a sloppy-sweatshirt-wearing kind of guy like Adam Sandler? Is he a baldy like Bruce Willis? Or does he have a full head like that McDreamy fellow?”

I guess as much as I was shocked by her candor, I couldn’t be offended by what she asked me because I admittedly have asked those sorts of questions of my own friends. How many times have you had to describe your ideal woman to someone using words like femme, butch, boi, androgynous, chapstick, lipstick or sporty?

Perhaps now, in place of those terms, it is easier just to use celebrity equivalents. So instead of saying something like, “I am attracted to femmes who are a little sporty,” you could say, “I’m looking for a Bette Porter with a splash of Dana." There you have a perfect visual and you know who you are getting. (And good for you, I might add.)

I know some of you may be getting mad at me and want to remind me that we are all individuals and very unique and shouldn’t succumb to any pigeonholes or stereotypes — and I totally agree with you. I understand that no one wants to be put in a box (they are cramped and often uncomfortable), but boxes can aid in describing the general style a person has, which is helpful in the art of attraction. You aren’t defined by this box; you are just painting a broad-spectrum image of yourself.

Given that some people (like my former classmate) wouldn’t know who Dana or Bette are, but would know who Ellen is, I was curious if any of you could describe yourself to someone using an out lesbian celebrity.

Let’s put it to the test. Which of these celesbians best describe you and your style? … continue reading